Wacky and Wonderous World of Ezra

Even Newer Changes!

2011-11-30T11:00:00.003-05:00

I really must become a little more creative in my titling, eh? But seriously, the baby was a big change, but NOW we are moving all three girls to a new barn. We have had many issues over the past years at boarding barns, but we've come to realize that is par for the course. It's just a matter of what you are willing to put up with and when do you put your foot down. Really we reached that point at our current barn before the baby was born and when everyone would not keep their hands off our horse and stay out of her stall. But, we decided recently to start looking again for a new place, hopefully one that was closer. Our current barn is about 35-40 minutes away depending on traffic. The cost was ok, but the drive (and certain people who refuse to leave our horses alone!) have gotten to the point of being enough.

I am a firm believer in the fact that things happen for a reason. If you really really want something and it doesn't happen, it probably was not meant to be.

Upon looking in the usual places that one would for a boarding barn, we found an ad that simply stated "6 stall barn with 7 fenced acres for lease. $500.00" and gave one of the suburbs of our city. I thought hmmmmmmm, sounds interesting. My husband started calling, but wouldn't leave a message. Finally I told him to leave a freaking message!! He did, the woman called him right back, they talked, he got some additional information, and he set up a time last Saturday to go have a look-see.

O.M.G.

As we pulled in I almost fainted. I had initially thought to myself, hmmm, 7 acres, 6 stall barn, only $500, it's probably a trash pit. I was completely wrong. It is immaculate. The woman used to breed warm bloods for dressage and jumping. She would actually import studs from Germany for her breeding program. She decided she was getting to be a certain age that all she wanted to do was ride and show. She loved the babies, and loved breeding, but her husband and son did not really help her, and the taking care of the property and her horses was just getting to be too much and she just wanted to show. So this summer she sold off all but one of her horses, and is boarding at a facility close by that has all the goods for dressage and jumping competition. After a few months of looking at her gorgeous fenced in property, she thought to herself, what a waste. So she placed the ad. We came along and saw it, went and looked, and voila! We are now the proud lessor's of this gorgeous place. (I will definitely have to take pictures) She has an outdoor fenced riding arena and the rest of the property is fenced off into three pastures (in addition to fencing surrounding the property). Two are side by side, and the other is just the back, probably 1/3, of the property in a huge pasture. The pastures are thick, lush and green. She said she would turn her horses out year round, leaving them out continuously through the summer. She is leaving us all of her heated water buckets, pasture tubs, storage lockers (for tack) and everything. Manure removal (but not stall cleaning :)) and electricity is included, and she has city water. Between saving on gas, and not having the headache of other people, I think it's going to work juuuuuust fine.

Sounds like a dream come true, huh?

There is no lease, just a handshake agreement. She said if we are unhappy, we are free to leave whenever, but she hopes we will enjoy it and stay. I am going forward with the thoughts that it will prepare us as if we have them on our own property. Like a test run. If we figure out we can't handle it or we don't like it, we can always go back to (eek) boarding again. I figure worst case scenario, we come out even (while we save on board and gas, we now have to buy our own hay, grain and shavings). Best case scenario we come out ahead and save money. During the summer (and a lot of spring and fall) we will save drastically on shavings and hay because they will be in the pastures all the time.

I'm excited, can you tell?? We give our notice tomorrow to our current barn. Although only 7 days written notice is required, I think we had verbally agreed to give 30, just to be courteous. And we are nothing if not courteous to everyone there, even with all the issues.

So that's MY great news! Any tips or money saving ideas, I am all ears! lol We are looking forward to it though.

Baby is now 7 months old and she is only a few inches shorter than my mare! She's going to have daddy's height and mom's stocky build. I will have to take some more pictures and post them of all three girls when I get a chance. She's leggy and has a NICE hind end. The guys at the ranch saw pictures and said she's bigger and stockier than some of their yearlings!

Big Changes

2011-07-29T08:46:00.004-04:00

Wow have things changed since September 2009. I know that I dropped off the face of the earth rather sudden, and I do apologize for that. You get certain feelings, or rather lack thereof, when you lose your job, go on numerous interviews and still have nothing for almost a year. Thankfully, I was able to finally get a job when one of my boss' decided to ask my ex-boss better qustions while interviewing me. She asked the right questions, got the right answers and I was hired. I have been gainfully employed now about a year and a half (yay!). Needless to say, things are picking back up (finally) and I'm trying to get myself back on track. Please don't think of me as a fairweather friend....I just didn't want to be all doom and gloom in my posts and that's all they would have been.

News on the horsie front, we have a baby!! Unfortunately, our solid old mare Sis began to have serious breathing problems the winter of 09/10 when it was so frigidly cold. As the weather became more mild, she was ok again, but when it was so humid and hot, she started having the problems so bad she couldn't walk a couple steps and have to stop andn gasp for air. We tried steroid injections to open up her air passage, but the vet said she was too old and it was probably her time. He gave us other treatment options, but with her age, he said everything was too stresfull for her. We made the decision to put her down :(, took a bunch of farewell pictures, cried endlessly, and she's buried at the farm where we board.

I thought we had made the decision to wait on looking at new horses when about 3 months later, a horse presented herself to us. She also came with a little surprise. In April we have a nice, strong, rambunctious little filly. As we board our horses, we got the call about 7:30 in the morning. The barn owners said you got a baby, we don't know what yet because it's running all around and kicking up a storm. Everyone was saying she looked like she was a 3 week old already. Nicely formed, good strong bones, and muscles all over. She's a pistole. We tried thinking of names for about 4 weeks (yes, it took that long) and came up with a few good names, until people would automatically shorten the name as soon as they started using it. We really liked Coconut, but the first words were "awww, Coco!" No. I wanted Cocnut. So eventually we came up with Raelyn. My hubby likes the tv show Justified, and my middle name is Rae, so it just kind of came to that. Here are a few pics :)

We have the funniest video of her a few days after she was born. She loved the sound of her hooves on the stall mats. So every time we were picking through the stall and would push some aside, she would go jumping and running around the stall, kicking her heels up. It was too funny.

Anyhow, I hope everyone I used to spy on (aka visit blogs) is doing good and well and having their own bright spots in their lives. Drop by again some time, and note that I will be doing the same.

(Side note: Laughing Orca Ranch, I have not forgotten you. I had your scrapbook pages done shortly after the quiz, and I have them here still with me. I will get them out to you some day, with an extra treat for your patience with me.)

Friday Funnies

2009-09-04T20:17:00.002-04:00

THE Best Divorce Letter Ever

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S.. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a
problem.
______________________________________

Don’t Lie to Mama
Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.

Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.

About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?

'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Peter.

So he sat down and wrote

DEAR MOTHER,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.

LOVE PETER

Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read

DEAR SON,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.

LOVE MUM

Lesson of the day,

NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER
________________________________

Hookers

A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.

"Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.

The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers. They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?"

"They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.
___________________________________

And the last quote of the day……

Quote of the day: Behold the Woman

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit."
__________________________________

Happy Labor Day Weekend everyone!! Our big county fair started today so we'll be there all week with beeeeutiful weather.

Some Friday Funnies to brighten the weekend

2009-08-28T08:49:00.002-04:00

Wow. This week in the blog world seems to be very dark. It seems like on every blog, someone (or animal)has gotten hurt, or there has been a loss of some sort. So here are some funnies that I hope will bring even a little smile to someone's lips.

The Candy with the Holes in the Middle

The children began to identify the flavors by their color:

Red......................Cherry
Yellow...............Lemon
Green..................Lime
Orange .................Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None
of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room!
________________________________________________

Great Ride

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'

Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'.

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old.

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'

_____________________________________
How about some humor about some politicians now.

A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2 I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but
Capetown is in Massachusetts .''

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, '' Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa ''

his response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada?''

I said, ''No.''

She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'

He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane.

She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''

I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''

'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.

After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."

''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''

The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!

Could anyone be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO REED.
__________________________________
I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration. Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.

Hope everyone has a good weekend and better week next week.

And the winner is.......

2009-08-19T12:15:00.004-04:00

.....Miss Lisa at Laughing Orca Ranch!!!! By default of being the only one to attempt to answer, but also for getting a wonderful 11 answers right, thank you Lisa for being a sport and attempting my quiz. Just let me know which prize you'd like to claim and I will attempt to get it to you asap.

Here are the answers:

1. 8

2. 2 horses, 3 dogs and 3 fish (I forgot I never posted about the black algae eater we acquired a few months back).

3. Our 161 lb mastiff/akita's nickname is....big dog

4. Favorite breed - good answer Lisa, I've always liked Fjords too

5. ezra_pandora for my google name, and basically all my email addresses too, was from my first dog, a chow/boarder collie mix. We were playing with her at the humane society when she was a puppy and I had to have her. Ezra just popped into my head, even though it's a boys name, although I argue because aside from Joshua and a few other biblical names, I don't think there are hardly any boys names compared to the endless girls names that end with "a" or the "uh" sound. Contrary to popular belief, she was NOT named after the band Better Than Ezra, which I had not heard of at the time. Anyhow. I decided to give her a middle name and pandora's box was always my favorite mythology tale. So there you have it!

6. Sonny's Hot and Sassie

7. A purple knitted hat (from Lisa) and Ouchies (from Funky Monkey), and English Toffee

8. A dapple gray angel horse

9. Two. A Black Widow and my Paint Horse mare

10. My 57 Cadillac

11. I posted around last Halloween about some of the scary or ESP or ghostly experiences that have happened in my family from my grandma dreaming of my uncle's death, to a light in our living room turning on, to toys turning on in my boys' bed to the rocking chair in my mom's room moving across the room.

12. Sharp Shooter Award for his astounding sniper skills

13. Las Vegas at the Little Church of the West

14. everyone knows you're from Ohio if you go to the Cracker Barrel in the South and order toast.

15. A Picture is worth 1000 words in this case:

Isn't that a beauty?? Aren't the Percherons absolutely breathtaking? I love them so much. We went to the free fair this past weekend and the barn owner's son was asked to drive the horse drawn hearse with two of their black Percheron in the parade. Then a little later in the parade was the barn owner in a Shriner carriage with two more black Percheron.

Before that parade, I didn't know the barn owner was a Shriner and has been for 48 years, I believe he said. In the 2 hour parade, over 1/2 the parade was Shriner's from all over the country. I'm going to do a separate post because I never knew too much about Shriners, but I'll go into that when I post about the parade. Some neat stuff in there.

So there you have it! The answers to my insignificant little post that Lisa was kind enough to try to answer and win herself a prize for my 100th post :) But she hasn't told me yet what she would like, so I'm waiting for that :)

100 Posts...and maybe a prize

2009-08-13T18:07:00.007-04:00

I cannot believe I've made it to 100 posts and have had almost 2000 visits. Whoda thunk I could have anything interesting to say? Not me, that's for sure. I'd like to thank Mrs. Mom for getting me into this fine mess. I wouldn't give up my blogging experience for the world. I will say that I've met some really cool people and thankfully no nasty ones (at least not directed to me personally) yet. Between advice, help and some laughs, it's been a great experience.

So in celebration of my 100 posts about the wacky wonders that go through my mind, and those nice enough to attempt to follow, I'd like to offer a little quiz with the end result being a little gift. I have in mind to let the winner pick one of three things I may have to offer. One is homemade, the other two are not, but delicious all the same.

So without further ado, here are the rules. I have 15 questions and all but 2 of the answers can be found somewhere in the 100 posts on my blog. The winner will be the first person to answer all 15 questions right. If by chance no one gets all 15 right, then the person who gets the most right wins. If by chance more than one person gets the same number right and there is a tie, I may consider using just the first person who got the highest number, or I might do two prizes. If it gets to be more than two, then I'll just have to do a drawing of the people who tied for the highest number. Sound fair? If not, let me know, 'cause I'm all about trying to be fair.

Last Rule: The cutoff for answers will be Monday, August 17, 2009 at midnight. (midnight as in between Mon. and Tues., just to clarify)

Here goes:

1. How many pets do I CURRENTLY have? (clue - the side bar is NOT current)

2. What are they?

3. What is the nickname we've given our dog, the Mastiff/Akita?

4. What is your favorite breed of horse and why?

5. What is your best guess at why I chose my google name of ezra_pandora.

6. What is my paint mare's registered name?

7. What 3 gifts/prizes have I gotten/won from online blogs and from whom?

8. What tops my Christmas tree?

9. How many tattoos do I have and what are they?

10. What big ticket item did I once buy at a flea market?

11. Briefly describe my one my(or my family's) ghostly experiences.

12. What award did my nephew receive when he graduated from the Army ROTC?

13. Where did I get married?

14. How will everyone know you're from Ohio if you go to the Cracker Barrel in the South?

and last but certainly not least....

15. What do I want used in my funeral procession?

There you have it. Best wishes, I now need to go back through again and write down MY answers, lol!! To make if fair, I'm hiding reader comments until it's over so that way there's no "sharing" answers. lol If there are any issues or questions on rules, I will put a little addition to the bottom of the post with some ***'s by it so you know that's new. But I think I covered everything pretty good.

Ok, Ok. Do you want to know prizes? I wanted to keep it a secret, but then maybe no one would want to participate in my evil fun, so I'll tell you. The winner will have their choice of one of the following: A) 6 scrapbook pages (3- 2 page layouts) ready to just add pictures to, tailor made to what I know from you and your blog, if you have one, and after asking you a few questions. If you don't have a blog, then I may make something up after asking you a few questions; B) A box of Toffee from none other than English Toffee Anytime (deeeelishis) or lastly C) Some sort of either chocolate dipped fruit or a small edible fruit arrangement from ediblearrangements.com. I will tell you that if you choose prize C, it is dependent on your location. So that option may not be available. But we can see.

So, have fun!!! I'll be back next Tuesday or Wednesday with the results.

So much for plans!

2009-08-10T10:19:00.004-04:00

I HAD planned last week on posting pictures of lead line and the zoo and all that good stuff. I ended up getting too busy that I don't even remember what I did last week before Thursday!! lol

Thursday we went to the zoo for 6 hours. My dad's little neighbor boy was begging my dad to take him to the zoo and my boys had been begging me, so I decided that was a fine idea. We went and got there right before the zoo opened so we got in line first. It was pretty uneventful. All I know is that apparently 6 hours on your feet and kids are STILL not worn out!! Even with letting them run and play on the playground for 1/2 hour while I crashed on the bench! Ahhh, to be an energetic kid again.

Our zoo is like #5 in the country I believe. It seems each year they are building something new. In June they opened a new kids discovery center. It's not quite like the old petting zoo they built it over, not as many animals to interact with, but it's just like the name says, a discovery center. It's definitely kid oriented for kids to understand and hands on with stuff.

Here are some pictures I took. I took over 100 I think, but I'm surely not going to sit here all day putting them up and I know you all don't want to see every last one of them! I did take pictures of name plaques though too to make sure I knew what to label the animals when I'm doing my scrapbook pages.

When you go into the zoo and over the bridge, this is at the bottom of the stairs. My boys are in the middle, my dad on the right and his neighbor boy Spencer on the left. Our zoo has 2 polar bears and there were supposed to be 2 cubs born I believe 2 years ago. We didn't see the cubs, and I'm not really sure if they are still there or if they have already been farmed out. I believe they are still at our zoo though.

Then we went over to the bears, tigers and penguin area. They were feeding the penguins and we got to see that which was neat. Then through the wooden fence behind the penguins one of the white lions was roaring. Everyone ran over to the tall fence to peek through try to catch a glimpse of it. I found a nice little space and got this picture.

Isn't he just breathtaking? There are only 50 white lions worldwide. The Toledo and Cincinnati Ohio Zoos are the only two U.S. Zoos to exhibit Sigfried and Roy's Timbavati white lions.

When we ventured over to the ape and monkey enclosures, all of the big gorillas were outside in their enclosures. This big daddy silver back gorilla was hanging out in a v-shape portion of the glass separator. He had been looking off and over to his left, so I just bid my time and as soon as he looked over in our direction, right at us, I snapped the picture. A guy behind me was quite impressed with the shot, lol.

When went through the part of the zoo with rhinos, camels, and elephants, I got pictures of our female elephant and her 6 year old son, who will be forever called "baby" Louie. They were just starting to eat their breakfast. The zoo puts their treats and meals in items so that they have to work for them for enrichment. Here Louie is trying to get some apples and stuff out of a hanging tire and barrel at the top of a pole. They also had 3 or 4 big tires stacked at the bottom of the pole that the elephants had to lift with their trunk or foot to get the food from.

Here's a picture of one of the two rhinos they had just let out of the indoor enclosure.

They are actually building an entire new HUGE enrichment enclosure for the elephants. It's due to be finished in November of this year. I can't wait to go see that.

After we went to the zoo on Thursday, we went to the fair at the county below ours with my trainer and my friend who is his girlfriend. She's really giving me lessons as I need them now, so I really don't have a trainer so to speak any more. I didn't get any pictures because we were only there for about 3 hours. We walked through animal barns and got to see the little piglet races. That was fun. In the horse barn we ran into EVERYONE it seemed like. Some people we used to board with when we first got our horses. Our current barn owner. They were grand marshalls of the fair because they have the big 8 horse all black Percheron hitch. They are really really involved in the fair each year.

That was thursday. Then friday morning I had my second interview for the job I interviewed at the week before. I think it went really well, but I won't hear anything until next week because the first attorney is on vacation until next week. I really really hope I get it. Cross your fingers for me because my husband got laid off Friday as well. Thankfully, since he is going to school, unemployment doesn't require him to have to find a job, but with me not working, one of us HAS to get a job soon. It should be me so that he can finish school and get good grades as he has to go to 4 days during the week beginning in January. Ideally we BOTH should get jobs, but since he's going to school, I would be ok if he found something maybe part time, like nights or weekends.

After I was done with my interview, my cousin had wanted to do something, so we went back down to the fair since the boys didn't get to ride any rides the night before. They rode rides, played a few games and we walked around a little. After we went home, it was time for the first night of the family reunion!! My mom was one of 5 kids and each year for the past 10 years, we've had a family reunion with all the immediate family, like my aunts and uncles and all us cousins. The family has since grown from about 25 people to about 45 or so with all the cousins spouses and OUR kids now. lol It's quite a sight. When it first started, they didn't want the normal, get together and eat and talk reunion. No. We go all out and it's a 3 day event. And when I say event, I mean event with games and prizes and a trophy at the end. lol Friday night is always a cook out and then an UNO tournament. We start out with about 5 tables of 8 people (not everyone plays because of kids or other stuff) and then it finally whittles down to one table of 5 people. The first year it lasted until like 2 in the morning. We've since gotten the swing of it and this year it ended around 9 or so. lol WE don't mess around anymore because we have to get up early and we all meet at a park at 9 am the next morning for a nice game of LOSER. LOSER is like PIG, but with more letters and 40 people playing. That basically takes up most of the morning until we have lunch. My one uncle's mother-in-law makes a nice HUGE lunch for all of us. This year there was subs, deviled eggs, fried chicken, and other various side dishes. Yum yum.

After lunch, we play an assortment of events like corn hole (each person throws 8 bags and various points are assigned and however many points you get, you are then placed in an order as to who won) and golf (you hit 4 balls and the closes ball is measured a distance from a pole and you are assigned points based on how close you got). The whole weekend is based on points. Like for UNO, the very last person standing gets the most points. The first people out from each table are given 0's. The idea of the weekend is to win each even and accumulate the highest number of points over all to win the trophy. Two years ago, I didn't win a single even, but placed high enough in each event that I won the trophy. So far in 10 years I'm the only female to win :)) The last two events each saturday at the obstacle course and 3 rounds of water balloon toss. Then we all wake up SUPER early Sunday morning for a big breakfast (dinner friday and breakfast sunday are made in my uncles driveway made in electric skillets and camp grills) from 7 am to 8:30 am and then awards are presented. We do it so early because we have family as far away as NC and Oklahoma that have to get back that day and they have looooon drives.

So, that my time from last thursday till yesterday. Imagine why I can't remember what all happened before that!!

Oh, yeah, and saturday after the family reunion my husband's oldest son (19) brought over his fiance (18) and we got to meet her :)

She's super cute. We took them out to dinner and then went to the barn to ride. They rode Sis, our old girl. My stupid horse (or should I say stupid me, lol) reared up and we fell over, again. You would think I would learn from all the other times that if she starts bucking and is prancy when I get on, that something is wrong and I need to fix it. The wires in my brain that controls my thought process are not letting this sink in. I keep thinking oh, she's just being stupid and that if I can stay on long enough, she'll quit it. NOT. And she never will. Here is the result:

Yeah, that's my knee. And I don't think it's even as dark of a bruise as it's going to get. As we were falling, I attempted to pull my leg out so that it wouldn't get crushed and some part of the saddle hit my knee. I cross myself and thank my lucky stars that nothing worse has happened and wonder when am I going to freaking learn that I need to just get off and try fix what's wrong?? My hubby said it looked like she was just trying to scramble away from me as we were falling back, and thankfully she doesn't run off once she gets me off. I really need to start listening to her. I think all it was, was that my saddle was about an inch further back than it normally was, and I didn't pull the saddle pad up under the cantle away from her withers like I normally do and it might have been pinching her. That's all I adjusted and she was fine after that. She's so touchy. Mares.

Ok, I'll save the beach, lead line and talking about old, old, old pictures that my dad brought over for me to see for my 100th post. Can you believe it?? Maybe I'll save those for my 101st post and do something special for a 100th post. hmmm, I'll have to think on that. Maybe some kind of little quiz about stuff in some of my posts. hehe.

Enjoy your day. HOT and MUUUUUUUGY here today for us. Thinking about going out to the pool for a bit.

Life as it has been....lately anyhow

2009-07-31T17:19:00.005-04:00

Ok, I'm going to try to make this somewhat reasonable length so that no one gets too bored. lol but here's a little of what we've been doing. (BTW, this is my second post today, I DID post Friday funnies, so if you missed those, check on further down in my blog)

Swimming:

Daddy was none too happy about this new discovery of jumping off the swings into the pool. Yeah. I had told them no because I didn't want them missing the pool and cracking their head open on the ground. Well, as I was sitting there reading (and paying no attention, smack my hands, yes I'm a bad mom) 10 feet away, they were swinging when I heard the water splash. I look up to see them both with huge smiles on their faces and excitement. So I started paying attention and snapped a few photos and video(which unfortunately encouraged them too). They've been spending lots of time in the pool and mysteriously, they are still pasty pale white. Hardly a trace of tan. It's so odd. They just don't tan at all! They haven't burned yet either, so I suppose that's a good thing.

Next we have...Crafts!!

10 points to anyone who knows what this is!! lol

As I said before...Darn you Martha Stewart!!!! These little craft packs were for 4 year olds. Ummm, yeah. I could barely get them to work and look halfway decent, my 5 and 8 year old surely couldn't!! They got too frustrated, so I let my little guy do 2 out of 4 barnyard pompom animals and my big guy do one pipe cleaner animal. I will say, this was definitely NOT one of my more favorite summer activities!! lol

Then there has been this, also not so much fun for mom activity....playing in mud every single time it rains. Which has been quite often lately. And if you don't have rain? Make your own mud.

I didn't get the pictures where they were covered head to toe in mud, twice in one day, because I was too livid and my hands were doing other things to little hinneys. Yeah. You would think they would have learned their lesson after the first time, but no. I try to keep my cool as long as mud is concentrated on hands and feet because I know they are having fun, but head to toe? No.

We also went to quite a few of the programs at the library. Every Tuesday was story time and a craft. The crafts usually were based off the subject of the book that day. They ranged from origami dogs and butterflies to little worry dolls made out of paperclips, fabric and yarn. They also made little space ships. Then they also had other programs such as Magic or Science? (think Bill Nye the Science Guy) and lego building. So that was always fun and took up an hour at a time. They also showed WallE one day which was nice because I hadn't seen that. It also got the kids reading (and me reading more myself and to my little guy) for the summer reading program. It ends tomorrow. I'm not sure if I won anything, I got an entry per book that I read and they are giving away $25 gift certificates to certain stores around town. Then at the end they do a drawing for a meeting with an author. I'm not sure the specifics on that though. And then the grand prize drawing is two airplane tickets!! Can you believe the library giving away something like that? I don't know the specifics on that either, but I thought that's cool. I'd be happy with a $25 certificate though. The kids got little prizes as they went along their reading path. Their reading was measured in hours, not books, so after so many hours they would get different prizes such as stickers, noise makers (yipee) a little book, etc.

For some good news, my husband got "the call" from his older son (19 yrs old). He has some questions. We haven't heard from him in about 3 years after an incident that happened that really upset my hubby. "The call" was the call about questions he had about things his mother says his dad has or hasn't done over the years and he wants to know from my hubby what's all true and what isn't. Can I just say WOW?? Some of the stuff we are finding out she's said about my hubby makes me want to run to an attorney and file a defamation of character lawsuit against her. But whatever, we are just happy he is finally seeing the light and isn't under her spell anymore. I could say lots more, but I'll just say it's a happy time. We will be meeting his fiance (yes, he's engaged now) probably in a week or two when he can save enough money to come to see us (he lives a little over an hour away and I told hubby I'd like to take them out to dinner or something). So yay for that!! He's been calling hubby every day since Wednesday when he first called.

Then, I've got two job prospects in the works. Cross your fingers one of them pans out. Money is definitely drying up quicker now that hubby isn't working as much because he's going to school. I had an interview over the phone the beginning of July and then went for skills testing a week later for the county housing authority here. That would be a great job with high starting pay and excellent benefits. I had an interview for a different job yesterday and I felt it went really really well. The only thing I believe holding anyone from hiring me is my ex boss. I don't know if there's a possibility he's telling people something bad when they call to check. I don't list them on my reference sheet, but that doesn't stop people from calling prior employers. And attorneys are sneaky little craps when they want to be. So if I don't get either of these jobs with the strong interview results I've had, I'm having someone pretend to be a potential employer and call to see if he might be saying bad things about me, and if he is, I'm reporting him. So, hopefully, by the time the kiddies start school, I may be gainfully employed.

Ok, that's enough for now. I'll post about fort making, the lead line show and the beach (I still have to download my pictures for the second show and the beach) maybe sometime this weekend or early next week. I may have zoo pictures to add in by then :)) Have a great day.

Finally Friday Funnies!!!!

2009-07-31T17:03:00.003-04:00

Ok, getting back on track with "normal" life, lol, here are some friday foonies for my favorite friends :)

Who Wants to Be....A Millionaire?
A contestant, Sally, on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.

And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:

A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture"

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline.. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not have to use it because . . . her friend was, well, a blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.

The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo."

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?"

"Yes, that is my final answer."

"That answer is Absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!"

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.

"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
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Grandma Still Drives

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
;
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma
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To Be Old:

OLD people have problems that you haven't even Considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a Sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this Jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow".

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the Doctor's' office and gave him the jar, which was as Clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her Right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She Tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and She tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the Jar open.'
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and last but not least in honor of the state of this lovely economy (which because of, I still have no job...) I give you:
Top 12 Indicators the Economy is Bad

12. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

11. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

10. I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank.

9. Hotwheels and Matchbox car companies are now trading higher than GM in the stock market.

8. Obama met with small businesses - GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and GM, to discuss the Stimulus Package.

7. McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

6. People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and are learning their children’s names.

5. The most highly-paid job is now jury duty. (LOL - I'm supposed to go for jury duty August 10th and 11th)

4. People in Africa are donating money to Americans. Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, “finish your plate; do you know how many kids are starving in America?”

3. Motel Six won’t leave the lights on.

2. The Mafia is laying off judges.

1. If the bank returns your check marked as “insufficient funds,” you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.

Hope those brought some laughter to your life this wonderful glorious friday. I went to the beach with the boys today. I will attempt to make a post this weekend with pictures of everything I wrote about on Wednesday (I think it was Wed.). It didn't work out yesterday. lol

Forever and A Day

2009-07-27T12:54:00.003-04:00

Ok. I'm back, and with a vengeance. hehehe. Just kidding. I've had some minor health issues and have been spending mucho time with the wee little ones and doing one of my favorite things, aside from spending time with the kids and horses. (my girl is now only taking two tries to get the left lead, yay!!) Reading. So I'm starting to slowly get back into things and catch up on everyone's blogs. My eyes start crossing though, so it's slow going. lol Must be this old age thing beginning to creep up on me :)

I will have a friday funnies again this week and hopefully before then I'll do a post on some of the things the little guys have been keeping me busy with :) To list a few:
- going to the library twice a week for their programs (which tomorrow is the last day of, sadly)
- Tater has been in two horse shows for lead line (he LOVED it and it was super cute)
- They've been swimming like little fish while I sit and read and enjoy the sun (when not on medication which made me fry and blister quicker than if I stuck my hand in the oven, so I had to sit in shade quite often)
- They've done some little crafty things I found (damn you super smart martha stewart! I don't know what 4 year olds she tried these crafts on, but I ended up having trouble with them!!)

and some other little things.

So, there's some stuff in a nutshell. Hopefully when I get more time I will do a more detailed post with some pictures of the above things. Hope everyone else is having a good summer and relaxing! And I'm going to keep trying to catch up. I hope no one thinks I'm ignoring them :) I'm not and eager to get back into the swing of things.

Those two little words..

2009-06-11T08:39:00.002-04:00

What two little words, usually long and drawn out, do mom's LOVE (enter sarcasm) to hear most from their dear little children? I'll give you a major hint, it starts being used more often in the summer after school is out. Yep, "Iiiiiiiii'mmmmm booooorrrred." My older son hasn't even been out of school a WEEK and I'm already getting this from him. Of course, he doesn't like MY suggestions (clean up your toys, clean your room, do the dishes, play with the dogs, etc.) and whines. He thinks we should have a day trip EVERY DAY. Rain or shine, he wakes up with a list of places he wants to go to and things he wants to see or do that day. That would be great, if I was a millionaire!!! lol But I'm not, so I'm on the hunt for things to do with the boys that is cheap, easy, and fun. I'd welcome ANY suggestions you may have. I think going to the playground will only last so many days. lol We have a library a block from our house, so that is being frequented already. Thankfully they started their summer reading program, so my older son is super excited to get reading and put his name in for the drawings. They also have afternoon programs once a week that we plan on going to. We do have our zoo, which is rated one of the top 10 in the country. We'll be going to that too. I don't quite think I want to go a week though. They like to try to get me to let them ride the train (it's only $2, but that's $2 that needs to be going elsewhere) and buy souvenirs and junk food. I normally pack snacks and drinks to take so that we don't have to spend $5 on a hamburger. I'd love to go out to the barn every day, but that 1/2 hour drive really sucks down gas and then the hubby would be mad that we moved to a new barn so that HE can ride and we'd be going without him. lol So, any suggestions, I'm open :)

Speaking of new barn.....things are going well. The stalls are actually 12x12 instead of the 10x10 we had. It's nice they have more room to walk around and lay and stuff, but that also means more space to spread out their waste. Yeah, more stall to clean. And believe me, they BOTH have no problem spreading the wealth in that area. lol We went out Monday and we both rode. The older mare's back is clearing up beautifully from that fungus or whatever the heck it was that was making her sensitive and lose hair. Her hair is growing back and she's not sensitive anymore, so my husband decided to ride. I used the barn owner's saddle pad that has the extra padding in the wither area like he suggested. Yeah. My mare freaked out. I'm sure it would help, but I think it just felt too different for her. When I was finally able to swing myself up (she was dancing around mad, like those irish lord of the dance dancers), she started to buck a little. I kept only my left foot in the stirrup in case I needed to fling myself off, but she stopped. She was still really antsy and my whole saddle and pad were crooked. So I ended up getting down and switching back to my old set up. Not a problem. I could tell a difference immediately, even just walking her back to the arena. She was so much more relaxed. I would say don't fix what's not broken, but I think she does need that more padded saddle pad. I might try it again here and maybe try to lunge her and walk around first a little. The rest of the ride went uneventful. Both horses are doing really well and we're glad everythings going good.

I um, sent a little something to the old barn owners. I couldn't help myself. lol With his parting wish for me to say hi to the new people and making sure to let me know he knows them, I couldn't resist. I sent a little semi-sarcastic thank you note. It said thanks for all the clothes they've given us for the boys because that I really was thankful for. And thanks for putting up with my mare, who I know could be a handful (being said tongue in cheek). Then I explained that we left because of a certain boarder who made it uncomfortable for us and that I hoped she didn't ruin fun for his future boarders. I addressed the letter to the barn owner AND his wife because I know the wife doesn't like that boarder who was nasty to us. So she might say something and put that lady in her place. That would please me to no end. I know we'll probably never run into any of those people because we never did outside of the barn in the two years we were there. So it's all good. I let our feelings be known. They could be taken as sarcastic or as really thankful, so I'll let them choose which way they want to take it.

It's rainy here, again. We normally are in the upper 80's for a bit in June. So far we have had maybe 2 days of mid 80's and h-u-m-i-d. I know not nearly as bad as the south is having, but it's so miserable. Not fun to ride in, that's for sure. Hope you all are having a good week and that your summer has kicked off to a fun start, unlike what I'm told is happening in our house. lol

Foooony Friday Funnies

2009-06-05T09:24:00.002-04:00

Here are your weekly friday funnies. Hope you enjoy!!

Golf
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched In horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin,
Fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

He replied: It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken!
__________________________

Linda and Deloris
Linda and Deloris are outside their home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Deloris pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Linda: What in the hell is that?

Deloris: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Linda: Where did you get it?

Deloris: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Linda hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 70 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.
__________________________
Things NEVER said by Southerners
- Duct tape won't fix that.

- Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

- We don't keep firearms in the house.

- You can't feed that to the dog.

- The kids can't ride in the back of the pickup -- it's just not safe.

- Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

- We're vegetarians.

- Do you think my gut is too big?

- Honey, we don't need another dog.

- Who's Richard Petty?

- We could just share a small bag of pork rinds

- Too many deer heads detract from the decor

- I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today (That's for you Mrs. Mom, we know how you LOVE Wally World, lol. You might be the only Southerner to say those words)

- Is there anything in this restaurant that's NOT fried?

- The tires on that truck are too big.

- I've got it all on the C drive.

- There's too much sugar in this tea.

- Checkmate.

- I believe you cooked those greens too long
____________________________
Southern Values
There once was a young man named Billy Bob. Now, Billy Bob was a normal Southern boy looking for a nice Southern girl to be his wife. One day, at a mud wrestling match, he met beautiful Tammy Jo. They fell in love and got married. To celebrate their marriage they spent their wedding night at a Super 8 motel in their home town. Tammy Jo was very excited. She had bought some nice lingerie and Billy Bob thought she was absolutely breathtaking.

As they were getting hot and heavy, Tammy Jo said, “Be gentle with me, I'm a virgin.” Billy Bob was totally outraged to hear this revelation. He jumped up, dragged Tammy Jo out of the room, drove to her parents' house and left her crying on the doorstep.

Billy Bob immediately went over to his father's house and told him what had just happened. “She said she was a virgin... A VIRGIN!” To which his father replied, “Well son, as I've always told you, if she ain't good enough for her own family, she sure ain't good enough for ours!”

(ok,ok, that one WAS bad, lol, I’ll try to redeem myself with the next one)
________________________
Rules For Yankees Who Move To The South

- Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know.

- Don't laugh at folk's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy, MariBeth and Inez have been known to whip a man's ass for less than that.

- Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda; this can lead to a beating. Down here it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi.

- Southern women don't fancy to smart mouth Yankees. Just remember, they all have brothers and daddies.

- Don't show allegiances to any other school in football other than an ACC or SEC team. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who play Wyoming every week.

- Don't call us a bunch of hillbillies. Most of us are better educated than you and a whole lot nicer to boot.

- Yes, we know the humidity is high; just quit bitching, spend your money and go home.

- No, the state symbol of North Carolina is not the orange and white highway barrel. This road construction is pissing us off too.

- Don't go to the Cracker Barrel and order toast. If you do this everyone will know you're from Ohio. Just eat the biscuits like God meant for you to do.

- Don't try to talk with a Southern accent if you don't have one. Nothing makes us madder than a Southern wannabe.

- Don't be telling everybody how much better it was back home. If you don't like it here, get your sorry ass back home!

- We don't play lacrosse or none of them other sissy northern games, so don't be asking about no scores, cause we just don't care.

- Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

- If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba." You have a 75% chance of being right.

- Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

- If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

- Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

- Do not buy food at the movie store.

- If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

- Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

- Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

- People walk slower here.

- Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

- The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new Southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

- The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

- Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here

Ok, if that didn't redeem me, I will make SURE to get some Northerner and Yankee jokes up next week for ya!! lol Have a great weekend (and maybe drier) everyone! Last weekend of soccer for us, maybe I'll actually get some pictures this time! I keep forgetting my camera.

So many things

2009-06-03T09:08:00.003-04:00

Well, horses got moved to the new barn Sunday evening without incident and settled into their stalls. Thankfully there weren't too many people around to butt in and ask nosey questions. Anyone we actually care to talk to from there has our phone numbers and have/can call us to ask. The barn owner (at the old barn) was quite smug thinking that he was going to trap me into something I think. My dad and I were cleaning out the stalls before my hubby and the trailer arrived. The barn owner came over and said "So, where you guys going to?" We know he already knew, and besides that, the tone of his voice told me too. I said the name and that was it, while I continued working. I wasn't going to be nasty or rude, but I surely wasn't going to be holding a long drawn out explanation of anything. He doesn't deserve one. He's like "Oh" in a flat voice, again telling me he already knew. Then he says "You know, I've known their kids for a really long time. We all grew up together and they showed with my son. Yeah, we're good friends." I just said "Uh huh." Now I know who told him we were moving and to where. That's fine, I really didn't care as long as the things at that barn that we didn't like, weren't happening at the new barn. That was all he said. Then as we were pulling out, he yelled out "Bye! Tell Kelly (one of new barn owners daughters) I said hi!!" Yeah, whatever dude. If you're such good friends, call her up and tell her hi yourself. I'm so glad to be out of there.

So far so good at the new barn. We walked the girls around the aisles and in the indoor arena (it was raining so we didn't go outside) so they can get used to all the new and different stuff. I tried lunging my mare and darn it if she isn't back to her old trick of not lunging to the left. After all that freaking work I did to get her going last time. I guess I'm going to have to buy myself a nice little lunge whip, since I haven't seen any communal ones at the new barn, and go back to that. Then I'll have to make sure to keep up on that. Then the ding dong, I had her tied to her stall and I knew the tie was a little loose, but she was doing ok and I was right there. Sure enough, I lean down for 1/2 a second to grab a different brush and she gets the tie over her neck and starts flipping out. It was only a second before I could get her to stop rearing enough and reached over to pull the quick release. She settled down right away, but so embarrassing to have everyone peaking around the corner to stare. They probably thinks we're dumb. lol Oh well. Then yesterday we gave our older girl a much much needed bath. She somehow has something on her back and above her tail bone that looks like rain rot. How the HECK she got that I have no idea since she hasn't been anywhere where she's gotten wet and she never got rode hard enough to get sweaty. And we always make sure to brush them good after we ride too. So I have no idea where the heck it came from. The new barn has hot water!! yay!! She was so scared to go into the water stall though, and she's never hesitant to do anything. I think because she didn't see a way out except the opening. I don't know HOW we're going to get my mare in there without major incident. I'm thinking of trying to back her in rather than walk in and turn her around and risk her getting goofy and slipping. There's about a 2 inch step down, but that shouldn't be a big deal. My mare whinnied like there was no tomorrow when we took our other mare out to wash and not her. The guy barn owner looked at us and said hmmm, maybe we'll be moving one of them for awhile, she's too attached. I told him the funny thing is, they've been stalled 4 stalls apart for the last two years until the week and 1/2 before we moved! My mare gets attached to whoever is next to her. Always has been. The worst part is that her whinny is SO high pitched. It's really loud. lol

The GREAT news is that the owner is digging up the smaller pasture right outside the indoor arena because he's thinking of making an outdoor arena. I was jumping for joy. It will be really nice so that I can get my mare used to riding outside, but still have some sort of confinement in case I come off :)) We definitely feel that we made the right move. It was so funny, when we first put the mares in their stalls, they have two draft percherons stalled behind them that were looking up over the tops of the stalls. They are a good 18 hands at least. Our mares look like minis trying to look up to see them!! lol They have an 8 horse, all completely black percheron hitch. It is too cool. Two of the percherons have babies :)) And apparently there is someone in town close by that has a black horse drawn hurse for funerals. That is SO how I want to be taken around after I die. Way too cool. I think I'll ride my girl tomorrow and see how she does. I've lunged her and walked her around enough the past two days to let her see everything, hopefully it will be an uneventful ride. Hopefully.

Aside from that, the job search is still going. I didn't get a second call back from the place I interviewed with, so that was disappointing, and no calls yet from the other two prospective places. I have been able to get a LOT of reading done, which I hadn't been able to do in a long loooooong time, so that's nice. The boys are liking the frequent trips to the library. Unfortunately my younger son didn't pass the evaluation for kindergarten and it was highly recommended we didn't enroll him for that, but for a preK class they offer. I would rather him start late than struggle and hate school or be held back at the end though. Him and I will be working diligently this summer on stuff. I guess we just made a series of bad choices in daycares. They tended to focus on his behavior rather than learning, which sucked.

I think I'm going slightly crazy though not having the mental stimulation of work. I frequently have trouble getting and staying asleep and I find myself thinking about the most ridiculous things. I would think reading and doing things with my boy would wear me out, but it just doesn't. I don't know what else to do. I'm loving my time off, but my mind is going a little silly sometimes.

It's raining here, again. Thankfully it's just a little bit and steady, not torrential pouring like last year. Thankfully the new barn didn't flood any last year like the old barn did. So that won't be a problem. My son has had a bit of a temperature the past two days, but he's feeling ok enough to run around the house making me crazy. I think we'll go to the mall today to let him play on the playground to run off some energy. lol And I can get a nice sweet lemonade.

2009-05-29T12:55:00.002-04:00

Here are your Friday Funnies for today. I hope you enjoy!

Marriage

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.
______________________________

Haunting from the grave

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.

"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."
________________________________
The Gambler

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and pee into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began peeing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could pee all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"
___________________________
The Empire State Building

Three men were sitting at the top floor of the Empire State Building.

One man says to one of the others, "You know, if you jump out the window here, the force of the wind will blow you back in through the window on the 90th floor."

The other man says "no way, you're jokin aren't you?"

The 1st man says "No, here.. I'll prove it" so he stands on the window ledge and jumps out.. and comes back in thru the 90th floor window..

The 2nd man says.. "That was just a one off" So he does it again.. and comes thru on the 90th floor.. runs back up and says "See, im telling the truth" The 3rd man just shakes his head.

The 2nd man says "Wow, im gonna do it then" he stands on the window ledge, jumps out and falls to his death.

The 3rd man says to the first man.. "You know, you're a jerk when you're drunk, Superman"
_______________________________
and lastly.... 25 Signs you drink too much coffee

1. You answer the door before people knock.
2. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
3. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
4. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
5. You chew on other people's fingernails.
6. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
7. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
8. You don't sweat, you percolate.
9. You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
10.You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
11.You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
12.Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
13.You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
14.The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
15.Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
16.Instant coffee takes too long.
17.When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
18.You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
19.Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
20.You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
22.You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
22.You short out motion detectors.
23.Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
24.You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
25.You help your dog chase its tail.

Ok, that's enough today. Maybe I need some coffee to keep up with my little rugamuffin man. He zips through the house so fast he's a blur! lol Have a great day and hope your weekend is nice and dry (at least for all of us who have been having non-stop rain the past few days!) Our move to the new barn is Sunday. So far, so good.

TGIF Friday Funnies

2009-05-22T08:40:00.000-04:00

Here are your Friday Funnies to make you some smiles :) (sorry I missed last week)

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your pin on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses...

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

9. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your Coffee.

10. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

11 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
_________________________________

Sick Leave

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I
sick. Got headache, stomachache and legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you
today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to
give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work... You try
that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again... "I do what you say and I
feel great. I be at work soon... You got nice house."

__________________________________

Children Writing About the Ocean...and where do they get these ideas???

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island.. If you don't
have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.. (, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson . She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy,
age eight)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots
and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't bl ow the sailors would whistle to
make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off
eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean.. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I
like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like,
really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always
crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got
pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous... Jellyfish can sting.. Electric eels can
give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my
willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't
go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age eight)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was
going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right
up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I
don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean..
What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)

________________________________

THREE LITTLE BOYS were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday school. So they went to the nearest church. But, only the janitor was there.

One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?" "Sure," said the janitor.

He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "You are now baptized!"

When they got outside, one of them asked, "'What religion do you think we are?"

The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you."

"We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water."

"We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on you."

The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?"

They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do you think that means?"

"I think it means we're Pisskopailians !"
______________________________

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....

Liver alone. Cheese mine.
___________________________

And lastly, some underlying State Mottos (I know Ohio is DEFINITELY true! lol, Sorry you Michiganders!)

Alabama - Heck Yes, We Have Electricity.

Alaska - 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona - But It’s A Dry Heat.

Arkansas - Literacy Ain’t Everything.

California - By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.

Colorado - If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.

Connecticut - Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet.

Delaware - We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.

Florida - Ask Us About Our Grandkids, and Home Of The Early Bird Special

Georgia - We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.

Hawaii - Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)

Idaho - More Than Just Potatoes... Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois - Please, Don’t Pronounce the "S"

Indiana - 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa - We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas - First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky - Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana - We’re Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.

Maine - We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland - If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts - Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's

Michigan - First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota - 10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi - Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri - Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana - Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Very Little Else.

Nebraska - Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada - Prostitutes and Poker!

New Hampshire - Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey - You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!

New Mexico - Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York - You Have The Right To Remain Silent; You Have The Right To An Attorney...

North Carolina - Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota - We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio - At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma - Like The Play, But No Singing

Oregon - Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania - Cook With Coal

Rhode Island - We’re Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina - Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet

South Dakota - Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee - The Edyoocashun State

Texas - Se Hablo Ingles

Utah - Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont - Ay, Yep

Virginia - Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington - We Have More Rain Than You Do

West Virginia - One Big Happy Family...Really!

Wisconsin - Come Cut The Cheese!

Wyoming - Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared
______________________________

Thoughts and dilemas

2009-05-19T09:45:00.002-04:00

Wow, what a week. lol The interview went well for the most part. I did say something to make both ladies look at each other, raise their eyebrows and nod in agreement, so that was good. But then they asked what my ex-boss would say if they were to call him. That was a sticky one. I just kind of chuckled and said I had no idea because he was always full of surprises. They laughed and moved right on, so that must have been ok, but who knows really what he will say if they call. My sister did tell me something else that is quite clever to say if I get asked that question again, and if he says something to make me look bad, he will look like the jerk. They told me they would be calling people back for second interviews with the attorneys this week, so we'll see. I also got a letter from a place I sent a resume to (a really really good paying county job) and it stated they were beginning the interview process. So I guess that's good, it wasn't an outright NO. lol

Last Wednesday I had my lesson. It didn't start out so well. Trainer had lessons with the two little girls first, so she told me come a little later so that she could unwind after them and I wouldn't have to deal with them. They are kind of annoying and rude. I got there, gave my girl a great grooming and when the little girls were done riding and taking saddles off to do showmanship, she told me come out when I was ready. So I went out and the one little girl has the gelding who's attached to Sassie, so he started whinnying and rearing up. Bad omen #1. That got my girl worked up too. I had also forgotten to cinch up the girth tighter, so I did that before I got on. Bad thing #2. I didn't jog her around like I ALWAYS do since we flipped over last year. Bad thing #3. After I tightened it, I went to get on, by the step stool (which she hates), by cones (which she hates) and at a place in the arena that I usually don't get on at. Bad things #4 and 5. She needs to get over that stuff anyhow, but maybe not all at once. lol I was setting myself up for sure. After I get on, she started jumping up a little and hopping around. I figured it was because that gelding was still acting up and figured if we just sat for a minute while the trainer got him calmed down, SHE would calm down. Bad thing #6. She didn't. I tried to urge her into a walk and right away she reared up and leaped to the the left, I went off to the right and landed on the hardest packed part of the arena. Owwwww. I landed on the lower left part of my back and on my left wrist and had my right arm up in case she would come back toward me. She didn't thankfully and just stopped. Oh my gosh, I was soooo sore until about yesterday. I think being 30 and all, I'm not as bendy or heal as quickly as I used to. lol So I got myself up and loosened the girth a notch, jogged her around and got back on. Needless to say, we didn't lope to the left Wednesday. I didn't think I could handle her jumping into the left lead lope. We did lope to the right though and we had a good lesson. I learned my lesson and will heed my mare's warnings from now on.

Well, it is official. I believe we will be changing barns. My mare kicked out two boards in her stall, and to show us how much the barn owner hates our horse, he just left the boards out of there for her to get her head caught or legs hurt. I went early Friday morning to clean stalls quick, I was too sore to ride, and I discovered that there were two boards missing. One from the sliding door and one between her and our other mare. (because of barn owners great idea of putting them next to each other because they get along juuuuuust fine and don't kick. uh huh) Well, we went out Sunday, the boards still hadn't been fixed and the barn owner came out just as we were cleaning stalls. He made sure to come over and call my horse an f-ing b!xxx because she broke those boards and he had to go buy more. Um, he's got FOUR empty stalls he could have borrowed boards from. But he didn't. Totally ridiculous. That was Thursday the boards were broken, possibly Wednesday night. Here is was Monday and he still hadn't fixed them. When anyone else's horse breaks something, he makes sure it is fixed immediately. But I think he wanted her to get hurt to show us how stupid my horse is. Well he got his wish. I had my dad go out with me yesterday to ride and to help fix them since the owner had no plans to and hadn't yet. Now my horse has three cuts on her back left leg. Two are new ones and one is from one of her old scars breaking open. whatever. We'll take our $500 elsewhere and let him cater to the boarders he has left. I called the new barn and we are going out to see it today. The trainer said this barn is much better (she really doesn't have a vested interest, just has a couple lessons there) and we will be much happier. She said they have drama there too, but it's all family drama and as long as we make sure to stay out of it and not take sides, we will be fine.

I don't want to leave on bad terms. There is no contract. So technically we don't have to give any notice. And it's not like he has a waiting list. There are 9 empty stalls at that barn. I know why. If we like the new barn tonight, I want to tell him immediately we are leaving at the end of the month. My husband says he doesn't want to because we know my horse is going to get treated like crap. The barn owner already treats her that way, that's why she's reared up on him in the past and swings her butt to him when he goes into her stall. I've been there when he's hit her in the face to get her to back up. I was too shocked to say anything when he did it and that was my mistake. I should have whacked him in the face with my lead rope and asked how he liked it since he's an ass too. We know how he treats other horses that don't act perfectly for him. Any advice as what to say? I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of mentioning we are very uncomfortable being out there when certain other boarders are there, which is the truth. My husband refuses to go out if he thinks they are there so that he can avoid conflicts and comments made. He's even drove the whole 1/2 hour out there only to turn around and go right home once he sees their cars. Why have horses if you are too uncomfortable to go out and ride and enjoy them? He wants to get rid of them because of that. So we need to move. I want to comment too that since the barn owner thinks mares in general are such a hassle (or p-i-t-a), he won't have to deal with them anymore, but that gives way for him to argue that they aren't really a problem (even thought they clearly are to him) and that it's just my mare causing the problems. So, I guess when it comes down to it, we will figure out what to say and it will have to do.

It's supposed to be absolutely gorgeous the next few days. Even up to 83 on Thursday. Me thinks the girls will be getting their long overdue first bath of the season :))

The many miscellaneous

2009-05-12T13:40:00.000-04:00

Thank you all for your pros and cons of boarding vs. having horses at home. Everyone basically touched on all of the concerns we had as well. We would have to do some major figuring out and preparations before moving a horse to our own property, which we would obviously have to get first :) So I guess for right now, we can safely say it will be a little while before it happens, but one day we would like to do that. Adventures of a Horse Crazed Mind had some excellent ideas though of finding alternatives to boarding at a boarding barn per say though. Those will be worth checking out as well for sure. We have decided that for now we will not move. We are keeping the information for the other place on hand, but we thought about it, and honestly we don't see those annoying people all that often (since they don't do anything with their horses) so we will wait and see. If things continue to be a problem with her, we will talk to the barn owner (which we know will be fruitless, but at least we would have tried) and if things still continue, then we would seriously consider moving. Soccer is only temporary and I know 4H, although it is two groups weekly, that will only last until the fair, and then things will be back to normal. They will not come out and ride anymore and therefore will not be bothering us. So yeah.

I have another lesson again last night. I attempted loping yesterday, but after going to the right, her good side, she got all balky and snorty. So I know she knew what was coming next and I don't know for sure, but I'm thinking it may be time for the chiro again, but seeing as though I'm still without a job, that's a little tricky. BUT, speaking of jobs, hehe, I have another interview tomorrow. (even though I'm really kinda liking this staying home deal) This time it's with a big law firm. It would only be legal secretary, but for a firm with 12 lawyers, I'm thinking it should pay well and heck, maybe I'll even be able to get SOME benefits!! So cross your fingers for me. If I do get this job, and depending on what it pays and offers, my hubby may be going to college (his first time) for the veterinary technician program. He's been welding for 28 years now and between his knee problems and the fact there are no decent paying jobs, he's getting tired of it and he thinks he would enjoy vet tech. But for him to do that, I would need a job first. So yeah. I am laying this all out in the hands of fate, with a little persuasion from myself and hope it all works out. I just know he needs a change, whether it's a new field or going out on his own (which may be another alternative), he needs change. But for right now, I'm filling out the wondrous FASFA to see what kind of financial aid (hopefully lots of GRANTS) he would be able to get if he will be going.

Now for some randomness.

My son had all of his kindergarten shots monday. NOT fun. Me being the mean mom I am, and knowing that we may not have insurance for all that much longer, I opted to have all of his shots done at once instead of two separate visits. So he had 4 shots and believe you me, he was NOT a happy camper. Slept like a baby when he got home though :) On our way home, through tear soaked eyes, he looks at me and solemnly says, "Mom, I really didn't WANT to go do kindergarten you know." LOL!!! I told him he might as well go now that he got his shots otherwise they would be for nothing. I tried telling him a day of pain after shots were better than getting the weeks of sicknesses they prevent, but he wasn't too convinced with those lines :)

Do you know if female blueheelers get more aggressive when they get older? Does it matter if they are fixed or not? Or if they are in heat? We've had our Catahoula Leopard (Lily) and Blue Heeler (Molly) since they were a few months old and big dog since she was about 3. Big dog rules the roost, no questions there. They are all about 9 years old now. No one messes with her hands down. The other two though, they are strange dogs. Lily (the CL) has always been picked on, by every dog we've had since we've gotten her. They've always growled at her or snapped at her for whatever reason. And she just turns and goes away. Every dog we've had has done it and it's sad because she's so playful and loving. She just annoys them for some odd reason. She's the best. Doesn't bark, doesn't jump, loves car rides, LOVES to go for walks and play ball, follows the boys around (which annoys them too, lol) etc. Molly, the heeler on the other hand, isn't like any heeler my hubbys ever had. She HATES the car. Keeps her tail between her legs when on walks. Barks incessantly at nothing. Won't play ball (but she'll very roughly heel Lily when she's playing). And generally hides when anyones around. But lately, she's been going after Lily for no reason whatsoever. Just last night (and it's not the first time), all three were laying in their room and I was just looking at them because I heard her growling. Lily wasn't even looking at her and Molly was snarling and baring her teeth at her. Well all of a sudden she darts forward and starts biting her on her face and ears while she just laid there!! I was telling her to quit it while she was still growling and obviously separated them immediately. Does this happen as the dogs get older? She's never been like this before the past maybe two months. I don't know if it's because she's not fixed. Or would that not matter? We had originally heard male heelers are aggressive, but now we're hearing female heelers get more aggressive the older they get. If it's because she's not fixed, would fixing her now help, or no? I have the vet appt in two weeks for shots, but I wondered if any of you knew.

Those of you with kids of the two legged squirmy kind, I have a question. Or those of you without, you may be able to remember from your childhood. What do you do with all of your old clothes? With my older boy, he was soft on his clothes. Nothing was ever worn out. Obviously I had wanted more kids, so I kept them all and as luck (or my kind of luck anyhow, lol) would have it, I had another boy, so they are being well used. With this guy, he's starting to wear everything out. He plays hard and is hard on his clothes. But with what isn't too used, I'm not sure what to do. See, when I was a kid, my mom traded clothes with my other aunts for my cousins. Or she gave them away rather since my brother and I are grandkids #1 and #4 out of 17 (not including steps), so there weren't much there to give to us. Anyhow, she gave our clothes to other cousins, or sold them at our every few year garage sales. She knew she wasn't having any more kids. I think I'm taking after my dad, who's a packrat, and I have all the boys clothes (that wasn't rag or toss worthy) sorted in tubs with the size on them. I don't really want to have a garage sale, we don't live in the nicest of neighborhoods though lord knows we have enough junk to make a small fortune, but I don't know if I should keep the clothes or give them to my sisters for my smaller than my kids nephews.

I'm sure you are wondering why this is a dilemma. It shouldn't be. there is about a 1 in 10,000 chance that I will have another kid. I'd love to, and if I had got a job soon and we moved into our own house (from our current 700 sq ft, 2 bedroom living area), I think we would have another. Possibly. Hubby is 46 and doesn't want to be dead before our youngest kid graduates high school, ya know? So I don't know. My mind is telling me the thing to do is give the clothes to my sisters. But my heart (aka hope) is telling me "no, no, you MIGHT need them. Some day." But then my mind is telling me look, you can ALWAYS get more. So tell me, what do you all do? I know circumstances may not be the same, but something you say might ease my mind and make me just let them go. Of course I wouldn't be able to get rid of their wranglers, cowboy boots or western shirts. My sisters would have absolutely no use for those like we had :) And maybe I'll keep those for the boys to give to their kids 15-20 years (maybe less, but let's cross our fingers it's not, lol) down the road. I know, I'm being dumb. lol

Fun Friday Funnies

2009-05-08T13:00:00.003-04:00

No complaining this week, I PROMISE!! lol

Here are your fun Friday funnies:

Little Boy On A Bus

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked, ' Why do you wear your collar backwards?

The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'

The Little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that’.

The priest looked up from his book and answered, 'I am the Father of many.'

The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two Grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'

The priest, getting impatient, said, 'I am the Father of Hundreds!’, and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a long while, then Leaned over and said,

'Maybe you should wear a condom….and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar
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(keeping with the priest theme :)) this is courtesy of Miss Roxmysocks)

FATHER O'MALLEY

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas....

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station......

The conversation went like this:

'Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?'

'And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?'

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, 'Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!'

There was dead silence on the line for a moment...............................

Father O'Malley then replied: 'Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.'
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Here are some men funnies (courtesy of Miss Lisa at Laughing Orca Ranch) for your Mother's Day delight:

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Men are like....

1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.

2 Men are like. Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.

3.Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials.. You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like . Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ..Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10.Men are like Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps.. Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

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My One Day of Employment:

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
a good find for many retirees,
I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,
Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied,
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,
I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

(Good thing I don't work at Walmart, things like this would DEFINITELY come out of my mouth quite often, lol!!)
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And here's for everyone for Mothers Day!! Whether you are the mother of the two or four legged kind, this is for us all:

@#%&* Boarding Barn and another great lesson

2009-05-06T10:01:00.004-04:00

GAH!! That's all I can say. We are so frusterated with our boarding barn. It just keeps getting worse. We pay board for two horses. We are not very demanding boarders at all. If our horses are fat and happy, we usually are too. We do not request special treatment, like our horses being turned out without any others because we have a horse that we show in the 4H and so we don't want them marked up (who does?) by fighting and picking in the pastures. Our horses are mares and last summer there was a big big issue with a draft gelding thinking they were HIS. The last straw, after weeks and weeks of attempting to catch our horses to ride after chasing them for 45 minutes each time only to have him keep chasing them away, was us leaving a nasy message on the board about not wanting to get killed while attempting to get our horses from the pasture. We had told the barn owner several times that it was very difficult with our horses being out with this one. He never had problems because he always brought this horse in first at feeding time. We were not going to take that horse in just to get ours in. We were not going to be responsible for someone else's horse. That day of the nasty message on the board was because that big draft was rearing up and fighting with another 1/2 draft idiot about 10 feet away from me. I was not having that so the note basically said do not turn our horses out anymore. Barn owner did not want that because then that meant using extra shavings for the stalls and extra hay as they would not be grazing. So he put then in the smaller pasture with the only other mare there, which is what he should have been doing all along. HE even told us when we first got there that mares do not belong with geldings because of that very reason. Tell me now, we were wrong in wanting that?? He's had attitude against us ever since. To add fuel to the fire, at the same time Sassie was getting trained, another horse was getting trained at the barn. He gave THAT boarder fee board if she cleaned stalls because her horse was getting trained and it was expensive for both board and training. Ummmm, so we were. AND we were paying for TWO horses. Were our expenses not just as much??? But we NEVER asked for reduced or free board because owner told us, again, that he doesn't do deals because then everyone wants them. Hmmmmm. Apparently that's only for certain boarders. It's just getting so ridiculous.

Now, there are two boarders who are in two different 4H groups. These groups have been meeting at their leaders place for the last two years. Now all of a sudden last week, one of the groups wanted to hold their meeting at our barn. So the owners CLOSES OFF THE INDOOR arena the day before their meeting and no one can ride in there (it was really windy out and none of the horses had been outside yet even to graze because it's been so flooded from all the rain) so that he can tear it up and water it for the 4H group. Doesn't do that for the boarders who are PAYING their hard earned money to be there, but does it for this ONE boarder's 4H groups. Then we find out they never even showed up. Then last night, the OTHER boarder puts up a note that HER daughter's 4H group is going to be meeting there now too. So, we are now down 2 nights of riding out there because of the two 4H groups and our boys now have soccer on two DIFFERENT nights leaving us to be able to ride out there 3 nights. Be honest with me, and I do mean that, are we getting mad for no reason? We are getting very irritated that this owner goes out of his way for just these two boarders. Very irritated. I don't know if it's irrational or not.

We have been looking around at houses with a little bit of acreage to eventually move to. Unfortunately it will be a little while before we will be able to make that happen. Talking honestly to this barn owner does not help. He does what he wants because that's what HE has decided is best regardless of anyone else's opinion or experiences. We have talked many times about switching barns, but there just aren't very many barns in a reasonable distance from our house. This barn is already about 1/2 hour -40 minutes depending on traffic. Our trainer gives lessons at a few other places and she actually is giving one today at a nice barn that we've heard about, but never knew where it was. So if it's close to what we pay now, we are going to make the switch I guess.

Everyone who has horses on your own property, what are the biggest pros and cons? When we have discussed moving them onto our own property when we can, it seems there are more cons than pros, BUT, the pros are bigger. You know, make more of a difference than the cons. Let me know what your pros and cons are.

And for other boarders similar to me (or those that have had to board in the past), what's your situation? Do you like where you board? Are there any conflicts that irritate you to no end? Are there cliques? Do the owners favor certain boarders over others? How do you deal with issues when they come up? Any suggestions for us? lol

I know, I know, so much hostility. Sometimes it just feels better to write it all out I suppose. We usually try to be helpful and accomodating. Last summer when the county fair was going on, the boarder that cleans stalls for free board was at the fair. She didn't want to leave the fair to clean stalls (which, she would have only had to do like twice a week really because the horses were turned out all day, therefore only messing their stalls at night) so she had the barn owner ask US to clean stalls. SHE wouldn't even ask us. Then, when we did and we fed all week, she didn't even thanks us for it. That's how she is. Her and the other boarder in 4H are the only two we have issue with because it's always all about them. Our horses are POS's, but THEIRS are gods gift to horse owners. NOT. Their horses are worthless to me, maybe not to them, but at least we don't make comments about them. At least not to their face, just amongst ourselves. It's just so ridiculous. GAHHHH!!!

On a brighter note, the weekend went well. Chuck E Cheese was better than we expected. I'm not a big fan, but the food was decent and we did have some fun talking to everyone we hadn't seen in awhile. Then the water park on Saturday was pretty fun. It was a little small to spend a whole weekend there or anything, but definitely a fun day trip type thing. Sunday was the First Communion. That went well. I have to get the pictures from my brother though. He has a great camera and was nice enough to take pictures for me :) We went for ice cream afterwards.

I had another lesson last night (which is where the ranting from above came out of, they both put their 4H meetings on the board last night) and it went awesome!! We started working last week on the extended jog because she's doing well with rounding in the corners and she's starting to keep a nice slower controled jog. So with doing the extended jog, we also post. I havn't done posting in like 8 years!!! lol My legs are definitely feeling it. I'm sure even worse tomorrow. The trainer wanted to try to focus on the lope a little more last night (she was frusterated with giving lessons to the one boarder's daughter, the one who gets free board, because they were being even nasty to her too!! She asked the girl if she had been riding and the girl said really nasty, almost proud, "NOPE!" so the trainer was really upset and is wondering why she even wastes her time because it doesn't even pay for her gas to get there). I think my horse has it out for the trainer. I said in my prior post that Sassie does this huge leap type bucky thing to get into the correct lead going to the left. Well, last night she kept almost stopping to do this buck thing, but she'd aim herself right at the trainer sitting on the mounting block!!! It was kind of funny, the trainer even got up and ran once (she was laughing too), and it didn't matter if I was 1/2 way across the arena, Sassie would aim straight for her!! I need to learn how to lean back a little more. Or sit back rather. When we lope to the left, I prepare myself, and that's not a good thing. I start leaning forward, anticipating that little buck and leap forward she does. My trainer said it's really bad to do that because she's afraid Sassie's head is going to come back and smack me and knock me out. But I lean forward because I always think I might fall off the back!! lol So, we need to find a compromise. The trainer is still amazed at how Sassie twists herself when trying to go to the left. I did notice too, that Sassie seems to know that she needs to get that inside leg to reach further, and that's why she kind of stops and hops to push herself up into it, but I think maybe with me anticipating it, I hold her back. So I think I might need to just sit tight and hang on and let her try her thing next time and see how it works. Once she starts going, I need to focus on just getting her to keep going and not letting her drop her shoulder in, which she was definitely doing. I felt like we were skidding around on a 45 degree angle. So yeah. Right side? No problemo at all. Goes right into it really smooth. I've been working her more on her left side to try to build it up. It's definitely taking awhile.

Ok, that's all for now. Off to have lunch with hubby at his work, which will be a nice change. Then home to continue cleaning and sorting the kids' clothes. Fun fun. I'm also cleaning off my desk so that I can SCRAPBOOK!! I've been off a month now and have not scrap booked one single time! It's crazyness. So I'm busting my butt with that. And finding a job :) Still working on that too. There have been a few really good ones I've found lately, so cross your fingers for me :)

Funnies for this Fun Friday and PSA

2009-05-01T08:37:00.004-04:00

I say Fun Friday because today is my dad's 70th birthday. Sadly enough, he doesn't like to celebrate birthdays because of something that happened when he turned 7 years old. But for this birthday, two of my three older sisters will be coming here from TN and NC with their hubbys (and two of their kids - 20 and 16) and then my brother and I live here already (lucky him, lol!). So today for his birthday we are going to Chuck E Cheese. Not MY first choice, but my sister thought it would be a good idea with some of the little grandkids (4 out of 17 total are little) and great grandkids (2 out of the total 4) that will be there so they can run around and it won't bother anyone. So that's it for today and then tomorrow we are going to the indoor waterpark at the hotel where my sisters are staying. Fun fun! It will be the first one the boys will have ever gone to, so we are excited. Not too excited for swimsuit time right after winter mind you, but excited for water fun none the less. We will also be going garage saling tomorrow morning. Then on Sunday after they leave, we will be attending my older boys first holy communion. Unfortunately, neither my husband nor myself will be able to take communion with him, and that really bothers me. See, since I married someone who was married previously, I cannot take communion because he didn't have an annulment. He's in the process, bless his heart for wanting to do that for me, but I cannot take communion because of it. I made my communion sacrament and all sacraments up to marriage, I just do not see why all of a sudden I'm not allowed to take communion because my spouse, and we are not even technically married in the Catholic church, was married before, not even married Catholic, so it shouldn't even technically be considered a marriage in the Catholic Church's eyes, right??? Ok, sorry for that tangent. It just irks me.

So for today's friday funnies, I do have two funny personal ones. I remembered the one from last week that I couldn't remember, and my 5 year old supplies me with endless amounts on a daily basis, I just have to remember them. lol My dad and I were talking about keys and locking doors and what not when he told me that apparently, one time when he was watching my little guy, that said little guy locked grandpa out of the house. Grandpa's keys were IN the house. Then "the little turkey", as he's so affectionately called by grandpa, couldn't get the dead bolt back unlocked. lol!! So grandpa had to go around the house and climb through the 1/2 gate to get into the barricaded (because we don't need dogs getting out) backyard to get in through the back door. I asked grandpa if he tanned "little turkey's" hide, but he did not. I thought that was pretty funny.

Then this past week, while driving my older one to school, we have to go over some train tracks. You all know how some of them kind of rise a bit and you get that roller coaster feeling in your stomach. Not my little guy, lol. After going up and over them, he says to me, "Mom, you need to stop going over train tracks. They make my peepee scared." lol!! I said oh, ok then. I thought it was pretty funny though.

Ok, without further ado, here are the rest of this weeks funnies:

Ooops. PSA first:

I'm sure you've all heard about the Swine Flu going around (now it's supposed to be called something else because of all the idiots across the world slaughtering their pigs). Please, please, heed the professionals warning on how to avoid the swine flu.

DON'T DO THIS:

(hehe, sorry, had to do it)

Married 30 years

After being married for 30 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, 'Honey, 30 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal.

Now I have a $500,000 house, $45,000 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 55-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.'

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.
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Union Rules and Hookers

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, 'Is this a union house?'

'No,' she replied, 'I'm sorry it isn't.'

'Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?'

'The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,' she answered.

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, 'Why yes sir, this is a union house. 'We observe all union rules.'

The man asked, 'And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?' 'The girls get $80and the house gets $20.'

'That's more like it!' the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde.

'I'd like her,' he said.

'I'm sure you would, sir,' said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, 'but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next.'
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This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, The next morning John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.

However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, 'Are these plates clean?'

His grandfather replied, 'They're as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,

'Are you sure these plates are clean?'

Without looking up the old man said, 'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.

John yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, 'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!'

Meet Coldwater...............

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BOY SITTING ON TOILET

A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP..

THE LITTLE BOY IS GRIPPING ON TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITTING HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.

HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALRIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR AWHILE."

BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."

MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"

BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP."
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Retirement Investment Plan

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $42.00 left.

If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left.

But if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund, you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

This is called the 401-Keg Plan.
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Ok. That's all I have for this week! Enjoy your weekend and have fun out there!

Wedding pics!!

2009-04-26T11:33:00.005-04:00

Leah Fry over at Barn Door Tagz posted about her love for her hubby and some of their history in her Endless Love post. I'm not really the romantic, and I personally don't believe there is only one single person for everyone in this world. There was an excellent quote in Parade magazine (in the Sunday newspaper) from an actor who has been married to his wife for a really really long time. I'll be darned if I can't find it. It hit my opinion right on the mark and basically said that it takes more than just love to be able to make it, and I think that's right. I'm not going to go into all of my thoughts on love, relationships and marriage, as I am sure I'm not the most qualified to do so :) although it might be entertaining. lol

So in light of our 6 year anniversary yesterday, here is our history. When I was younger, I had been going to a country bar with one of my great friends since I was 18. Didn't drink obviously (not there anyhow, hehe) but really just went to socialize and dance. My friend had an older sister who had been going to that bar for quite some time before us, but since she knew everyone, we kind of hung out with her and her people. Well, after going there for about 2 years, my friend and I had got together with some of the people to go to a local rodeo. I think it was part of the Midstates Rodeo circuit. Anyhow, two of the guys in the group were bull riders and were entered for that weekend. This is when I met my hubby, who I already knew, but didn't really KNOW know. You know? lol We went and I drove. He had to sit up front because in my little Jeep Cherokee, he was too squished in the back. The other guy was already there because, well, it was being held at his parents' riding center and he lived there. We all got along great and truth be told, I don't recall who covered and who didn't, I was too smitten with the guy whose parents owned the riding arena. He was quite the player though, and my hubbys best friend (hehe, I know, sounds bad). Anyhow, after leaving that rodeo, my friend also introduced me better to the friend and I started hanging out with him. We dated for a few weeks and it just kind of fizzled out. A couple months later we all went to another rodeo and again, my hubby rode up front with me. While we were there, it got kind of cold that night, so he let me and my friend huddle under his jacket. It was kind of crowded and I told my hubby to move his big butt over. I don't know why, but that caught his attention. I was being a little pissant and he thought it was cute!! lol After that we kind of started talking more and then one night at the bar, he asked me if I still lived at home. I was 20. I said unfortunately yes. He asked if I was looking for a place. (at this time we were just friends, so I thought. I didn't have any real attraction connection so to speak with him) I said not really, but eventually I'd love to move out to the country. Well, his mom had passed away about 2 months prior to that and he was kind of looking for a roommate to help defer costs. Hmmmmm. I said well, I'd have to think about it. I had a nice steady job and not a whole lot of expenses (of course, that was living at HOME,lol), so after going out and seeing my huge like 20x30 foot room (basically the whole 2nd floor of the farm house) that I was allowed to paint and do whatever I wanted with, and no neighbors for at least 1/2 mile, I said SURE!! So in June 2000 I moved in, in Sept. we were engaged, Oct. I was pregnant, and in June 2001 we had our older boy :) Yeah, we moved fast, I know. lol But if you can sit and talk to someone about everything and anything (with nothing physical going on, well, not at first, lol, I'm extremely fertile apparently), have HORSE interest in common, and throw pop caps at each other for TWO HOURS while talking, you know there's something there. lol We had started the annulment process because me being Catholic, in order to have the marriage blessed in a Catholic Church (he's Methodist), he was married before and we had to have an annulment. But after only meeting twice with the priest (who I was sooo unimpressed with anyhow), he basically waived his hand at us and said, you already have a kid, you might as well just go downtown and have a civil service. Nice huh?? Yeah, we thought so too. So instead of having a huge wedding and feeding a ton of people we never see and don't know us anyhow, we decided to go to Vegas. Where else can you wear cowboy hats IN CHURCH?? I think I wrote about that in a separate post before. (this old age is catching up to me, lol) So we flew out, my friend that lived there was the bridesmaid, the friend (who I dated) flew out too and was the best man and a bunch of my family went out. Basically everyone except my one sister in MS. It was a blast and a time we'll obviously never forget. Since my dear hubby got us a new printer that scans as well, hehe, I can scan in my pictures now!! So here there are:

First things first, picture of the the church, Little Church of the West. It has some really really famous people who have gotten married there. I liked it best because it was about the only church in Vegas that wasn't sterile white! It was more cozy.

Here is a picture of my famous footwear, lol. I didn't have a western dress, but I sure did have some white Justin lacers!! I had to fold my boot socks over the top though because the little lace hooks on the top of the boot kept catching on my little poofy slip, and I didn't want that snagging. So yeah, this was the solution and everyone thought it was so funny.

No Vegas wedding would be complete without some Elvis. He was excellent. Here he was, after sweating (he really wasn't) he tapped his face and then wrapped it around my neck and so I was swooning. Can you tell? lol It amused everyone there too. Even Elvis and the priest.

Here we are, the newly married happy couple.

This is my most favoritest picture of us.

Here we are with Elvis:

Here is the wedding party:

And that about does it. We are still here and happy 6 years later. I say you just can't beat a destination wedding. Fast, fun, and totally worth it.

Flippin Friday Funnies

2009-04-24T11:30:00.004-04:00

I had a personal funny to share with you all that I was thinking about last night, but now I can't think of what it was!! lol I was talking with my dad about it, and he had asked if I wrote it down because he had just run across the book that my mom used to write funny things down that we had said when we were little. Unfortunately I had been, but that log is on my computer at work :( So, that was a mistake of mine. I always figured I would have quit and would have had enough time to transfer, print or copy anything that I needed. Guess not. Oh well.

Here's a funny one, but not the one I was thinking of. We decided to get a harness for our big dog and muzzles for all three so that we could take them for walks (they are getting C-H-U-N-K-Y) and feel a little safer that nothing will happen. We can't afford for anything to happen again. So I had bought the harness for big dog first. HA. It says extra large on it. How much bigger than extra large can you get? Well, it only goes up to 38 inches around her chest (girth, lol) area. Yeah. I tried to put it on her last night and um, it only went about half way up her sides. Yeah. So I got out the measuring tape and she's freaking 44 inches around!!!!! I'm like holy crap! This girl DEFINITELY needs to start walking. So today I set out to find a harness (an ACTUAL XL one) that fits. First pet store, only had a harness up to 40 inchs. I'm like well, we could try to squeeze it on her, but I didn't want to do that. Guy at the counter told me I'd probably have to special order one. I doubt my dog is the biggest dog ever, so I left with a little ball throwing stick instead. (I'm easily distracted when I shop. Not a good thing) Was just going to go home and re-measure her juuuust in case that 40 incher would work. On the way home is another pet store, so for giggles I stopped there. Came out with a harness that goes up to 46 inches and two muzzles. Went home. Muzzle for little dogs is too little. Harness fits big dog. Muzzle for big dog (after she stopped bucking and trying to flip over to get it off) may be just a teensy bit too big. She's such a strange fit though because her nose is somewhat shorter because of the mastiff in her, but she's not as chunky in her face (face flaps) as a mastiff. So it might be hard to fit her muzzle. Anyhow, having a dog with a 44 inch girth makes hubby feel good about his waist, which really isn't that big anyhow, but you know.

Here are this weeks friday funnies. (and if I remember my other one, I may edit it later to add it, lol)

It all makes sense now! Life.

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a 20 year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you 20 years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back, and the 10 the dog gave back, that makes 80, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first 20 years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.
______________________________

Things Got Ya Down? Well then, consider these.

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 am Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? - No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?!? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.
It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. God is Good!

There now, Feeling Better?
____________________________

Confessions (wish I would have had these last October when I had my post about going to confession, lol)

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that you didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

*************

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.

Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."

The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."

The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."

The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off your face."

************
(My favorite joke!)

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.

One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya think £5,000. is enough to donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"

************

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."

Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"

Man: "What sins?"

Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"

Man: "I'm Jewish."

Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"

Man: "I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody."
____________________________

And last but definitely not least....

A class of five-year old students are learning to read.

One of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,

"Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!"

The teacher took a deep breath, then asked..."What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"

And so it does...

" A f r i c a n Elephant "

Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?

Kids. Anything to do with kids is great. lol

It's supposed to be 80 here ALL weekend long!! I think I might plant my new pink flowers in my new cowboy boot planters. And we're going to ride LOTS this weekend for sure. It's our 6th wedding anniversary tomorrow, so we are going to try to go out to eat by ourselves. At Red Lobster :) That's our tradition. We've went to Red Lobster every year since we've gotten married. Have a great weekend. I know I will be.

Can't think of a good title

2009-04-23T08:51:00.002-04:00

I hate that title thing sometimes. If I want to get on and just talk, do I say thursday talk? lol I suppose I could.

Anyhow, update on riding last night....it went really good. Only took a few little tries to get her to lope to the left. Of course she got all hot and squirly after that because apparently that's not what SHE wanted to do, but she did it and I stopped after getting her to take the left lead twice. Ended on a good note. She was a good girl. IS a good girl I should say. My husband kept telling me I'd better let her just stop and calm down, but the trainer said not to because then she knows to get hot and snorty and throwing her head will get her to not do anything. I pushed a little more, but not too much and let her stop when she did it right. So hopefully I'm reinforcing the good. Rode again today. I didn't lope though. I figured I'd change it up a little so that it's not the same thing all the time and she expects to lope and starts her little jumping around. I do know last night though that my husband said when we were loping to the left, while we were loping she would try to do this funky little two step thing that would get her back on the wrong lead. Very strange. So as long as I keep her going and don't let her slow down too much, she can't do it, it's only when we slow down enough for her to do it.

As some of you may notice, I decided to go back public. Like I said before, I really have nothing to hide from anyone. If people want to be nosey, so be it. If I didn't want everyone to know everything then I guess I shouldn't have started a blog I suppose. :) I will still be irritated, but oh well.

I'm going to say this. I'm kind of impressed with my son's school. It is a catholic school, but it's well worth it and today definitely made me feel a little better. I'm not going to say I have nothing to do with school, but I definitely don't volunteer and participate as much as I should be. My mom was in the PTA and everyone knew her and she was always a room mother. With a full time job, that was a little difficult for me. I could take some time to drive on field trips, and I did, but that was about it. Today I went to the office to see if it was too late to turn in the lunch order form for May since it was due yesterday. I'm such a slacker. I let my older one order lunch once a week so that he has change from the humdrum everyday peanut butter sandwhich. He enjoys it and I know he gets a good meal and really, it's only $2.50 and that includes milk. So I think it's worth it. So anyhow, I was lazy and my little man had only slippers on. So when we got to the office he said he would just stand in the hall so no one would look at his slippy's. I didn't think anyone would see, so as I was going in the door, he was just peering in through the glass next to it. I kind of waved my hand for him to come in, and the receptions said "Is that Tater out there?" lol I was like how the heck does she know him?? I wouldn't be able to pick that lady out of a lineup and she's asking if it's tater without even seeing him. So I'm impressed that these people actually know me AND know tater's name. lol Then, as we were leaving, there was the 2nd grade teacher who my son doesn't have, and she startes talking to us. I honestly don't think I've ever even talked to her, and it's not my son's teacher, but when we were heading out the door, she says "Bye Tater!!" He looks at me and screams (gotta love kids) "How does SHE know MY name???" She says "well, I know your big brother lucas and he talks about you ALL the time because he loves you!" Tater says "he's GOT to stop talking about me momma." lol I'll have to see what it is he's saying about him. But my point is, these people actually care enough to know who we are, and that makes me really happy. I don't expect them to and I really don't think in public schools that this sort of thing happens all that often. Of course, most parents any more just send their kids to school and treat it as a daycare, so you never see the parents anyhow. No one goes to parent teacher conferences anymore. My sister's got a senior this year (my niece) and when my sister went to parent teacher conferences, the teacher was surprised because no one (parents) ever goes. THAT is sad.

By the way, if anyone has any good idea for school lunches, I'm open for suggestions. lol He takes peanut butter sandwhiches and salads once in awhile. They do have a microwave, so I've started getting him little ravioli bowl type things, like Chef Boyarde. They work, but that cost adds up too and I might as well just let him buy lunches more often. Oh well. Like I said, if you have any ideas, let me know :))

It's supposed to be 80 here this weekend. It's definitely starting to finally warm up. I can't wait to give the girls the first bath of the year. They are so dirty!! And I think it would help with shedding, although they are starting to have less and less hair each day. Have a great day all!! I'm going to start trying to catch up on all my blogs since I'll be having a little more time now.

Miscellaneous Midweek thoughts

2009-04-21T18:40:00.007-04:00

I now should be able to start settling down here. I won't know what to do with myself! It will be just me and my little guy until schools out. Well, unless I find employment before then. I want to just relax a little bit for once. What would be even nicer would be to find something I'm good at, that I can set my own schedule and do my thing on my own time :)) I'm not like that though, I'm more of a behind the scenes someone that likes to help, but not be the main focus.

So until then, here are some misc things. Awhile back on one of my other posts, I had mentioned cakes that I had made for the boys for their birthdays. Well, we had to get a new printer (ours took a dive with no return) and my dear hubby decided to go shopping for a new one while I was out. I'm glad it was him instead of me because I would have bought the cheapest thing that printed and got the job done. He however, instead got one that has print, copy AND scan!! If I had gotten his text message while at the horse show (no reception in the building), we would have also had faxing capabilities. But he declined the last option. In any case, I was able to scan the picture of my sons birthday cakes that I had made for their first birthdays. My mom was a cake decorator and did many many wedding cakes and other event cakes. Needless to say, we as kids hated cake. lol For our birthdays we would get cherry cheesecake :) Still do to this day even though I'm more agreeable with cakes now. Without further ado, here are my lovely creations that I'm very proud of.

This was my very first cake. (I've only done two, lol!!) For my older boy's first birthday. It took me about two days to make. The cake itself was a cinch, the frosting on the other hand is what got me. Anyone that decorates cakes will tell you that you can't just use that can stuff. You make your own little powdered sugar concoction. Well, I couldn't find my mom's recipe and my sister's (who used to help my mom) recipe went something like "add some water, some powdered sugar, a little bit of vanilla", etc. Nothing specific at all, which is what I NEED since I cannot cook. lol. It turned out pretty good eventually.

This is the cake for my younger guy. I got a little more daring the second time around. No just smearing on frosting on a portion. Nope. Millions of little dots it was. Again, I think it turned out pretty good. (Yes, I'm tooting my own horn)

Let me tell you, true red and blue frosting is a $*!&# to make! I think I used a whole little tub of the dye gel stuff. Anyhow, I'm glad I did it. Everyone like them and I know I could at least do one little special thing for my kids to make their birthdays special.

Let's see, what else? The horse show went well and was fun to be at. I was lamenting about how I wished when I was picking out a career, that I had known about equine things. In hind sight though, I guess my little $15k in student loans is better than $25k for ONE YEAR. Yeah.

Here's a good one. I went grocery shopping this morning, first time in about 3 weeks, and I see these hot fire fighters in there shopping. The grocery store is less than a block away from the fire house, so this isn't an unusual sight really. well, I happened to turn the corner down the ice cream isle and what do I see but the cutest one there. He comes out of the little freezer door and looks at me and OMG. I know him. lol!!! I went to high school with him and he was my major time high school crush. Who didn't know I was alive, but that's ok. A girl could dream. He was, I believe, like 3 years ahead of me. He was Coming Home King (Home Coming was the Queen) his senior year. And, I just happen to be friends with an aunt of his (well, my mom was, when she died though me and this lady bonded). hehe. I was kind of frumpy looking or I would have been like "hey, Gary right?" hehehe. Then he would have run the other way thinking who is this freak and how the heck does she know my name?? lol Anyhow. It was nice to see he was a fire fighter. I really don't remember what it was that he wanted to be, but it definitely suits him :))

Going out to ride my girl for the first time in about a week. In my post about it all coming together, I mentioned that it was nutty how I was essentially doing things backwards and someone had asked what happened because it might help them too. Let me start off with the fact that I'm glad I have someone there to help me. I think that is about the best thing. It's almost like a doctor. You can self diagnose all you want, but there just might be something missing that only someone else can see. Anyhow, on my first lesson trainer asked what I wanted to work on. I said whatever you see wrong I guess because I don't really know. We'd been plodding around for about a year now, so I guess it was time to start fine tuning. So the first thing she told me was to tip my girls nose in and do a circle. Um, not to sound dumb or anything, but I've heard so many people tell me to tip her nose in, but I didn't really understand. Because when I did what I thought was tipping her nose in, we'd do almost a 90 degree turn. No arc whatsoever. So I said that to her. What I'd been doing all along was attempting to just use my legs, not a bad thing, and try to neck rein. I also had so much slack in my reins that I don't know how I ever stopped her when she spooked. When I'd pull back, my hands could have touched behind me probably. lol No contact whatsoever. Also not a horrible thing, but it really needed to be changed. So what I was doing was when I wanted to "circle" or really turn to the left, I'd push my right leg and my right rein against her. She would almost pivot, not just tip her nose and curve. Trainer comes in and says no, you need to first of all tighten up on your reins and have some kind of contact with the bit. (I may not be explaining it all right, but I'm doing my best, lol) Thankfully my girl is really sensitive to any touch that I do. I actually had/have to work on desensitizing her sides so much. as soon as a leg touches her, she goes that way. Not to say that I ride with my legs a foot away from her, but the trainer said I need to be able to put my legs on her without her automatically just moving because it will help to keep her straight and under me. So back to steering. Apparently the way to do it (and the way that works better) is that you actually keep your hands even apart and move them off to the opposite side that you are going. Strange huh? So if I want to go left, instead of putting my right rein on her neck and pushing her to the left with my right leg, I actually move my reins back a little and up towards my right shoulder, all while keeping them even to have even pressure on the bit. That puts pressure on the left rein (like direct pressure) to tip her nose to the left, which she in turn follows. Horses follow their noses. But it didn't create a 90 degree angle like my other way of doing it did. I did my first actual circle and it was crazy. So every ride since then, we practice that and switching from going left to going right. do circles, do serpentines, etc. She's so instant with everything too.

Then on to loping. I'm glad to find out it's not just me doing something wrong. We've discussed on here and I've gotten great advice about what could be wrong because she has a hard time with picking up the left lead. I've been making sure to exercise her good to the left to start strengthening that side. I don't know if that's helped a lot or not, but I'm sure it hasn't hurt. During my last lesson trainer asked me if I had worked on loping. I said no because I need to be able to feel what it's like to do it correctly and I don't think I was doing it yet, so I wanted to wait for her to be there so that she could spot me on it. So we worked on loping. My trainer had me set her up (lifting with my reins and while we were going left, I lifted to the right to support her left shoulder) and when we were perfect, I asked for the lope. well, mare amazed the trainer because we still ended up on the wrong lead after some crazy twist and jump that my horse did. The trainer was speechless and said "I can't even describe to you what she did because it was so weird." apparently her body just doesn't know the feel of correctly taking off on the correct lead and she contorts herself and we end up taking off on the wrong lead. So that is something we are going to work on more. I REALLY have to support her and make sure she's in the right position in order for her to pick up the correct lead. But in all this time, she really really tries for me and all the new stuff we are doing, so I can't complain honestly.

Ok, that's all for now. I don't know if I even remotely explained that good enough. It not, and you want me to try again, let me know, lol. Maybe I'll have my hubby video me and I can figure out how to post it. That's all for now and I'll post again maybe tomorrow and let you know how my ride tonight goes :))

Friday Funnies!!

2009-04-17T10:47:00.006-04:00

Fooled ya!! I didn't go work the horse show today at Findlay College, but I will be tomorrow, Sunday and Monday instead. So I have time for some Friday Funnies!!!

Before I do that I just want to say, if you get a chance to go see Monsters vs. Aliens in Real D 3D, do it!! I'm also going to say, I don't really understand how people are saying they go see movies now instead of going out to fancy restaurants and take vacations because, well, what we paid WITH coupons and WITH a gift certificate and WITH going for the "cheap" matinee, we basically spent what we would spend on going out to eat TWICE. lol It's so dang expensive. $7.25 for kids, $7.50 for adults at the MATINEE, you know, the "cheap" showing. Then because it was in 3D, it was an extra $3 a person. what?? sheesh!! Then popcorn and pop. I had buy one get one free large popcorn. So we got 2 pops and 2 pop corns. $15!!! What??? sheesh. So yeah. That will be once in a great great great great while type outing for us. We have horses. Those are cheaper entertainment than going to the movies once a day. No, seriously. lol

Ok, without further ado, here are a few Friday Funnies. I'm still working on my stash, so there will be a few less than normal, but still, something to laugh about on this bright and sunny warm day. Here we go:

The Ohio State Trooper:
Two men were driving through Ohio when they got pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolled down the window, and WHACK, the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick.

"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.

"You're in Ohio son," the trooper answered. "When we pull you over in Ohio, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."

"I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I'm not from around here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean, and gives the guy his license back.

The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.

The passenger rolls down the window, and WHACK, the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.

"What'd you do that for?" the passenger demands.

"Just making your wish come true," replied the trooper.

"Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked.

"I know your type," the trooper says, "two miles down the road, you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, 'I wish he'd would've tried that shit with me!"

(SO true)
_________________________________

The UPS Man
One Monday morning the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route.
As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the
driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a
load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow. Bob, looks like you guys had one
hell of a party last night, the UPS man comments.

Bob, in obvious pain, replies "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the
first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about
fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it
got a bit wild. Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that we started
playing WHO AM I."

The UPS man thinks a moment and says, "How do you play WHO AM I?" "Well, all
the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time, with a sheet covering
us and only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women
try to guess who it is.

"The UPS man laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."

"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds.

"Your name came up seven times"
_____________________________

And then the fight started....
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....
So, I took her to a gas station.....
And then the fight started....

****

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....

********

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
And she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'
And then the fight started.....

****

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage .
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And that's how the fight started ...

****

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
A nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many & years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....

****

I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out
of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and
Little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started.....

****

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And then the fight started.....

****

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
______________________

and last but surely not least....
Thoughts of Men and Women

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee..
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Keep reading - they get better!!!
****
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked..
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
****
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
****
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man, 'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
****
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she c an help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife...
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
****
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
****
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
****
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
****
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
****
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece...
______________________

That's all for now folks. Enjoy your B-UTIFUL day, if you are having one like we are here!

Life and all that comes with it

2009-04-15T13:10:00.005-04:00

Ok, this being private thing kind of sucks. Seeing the comments made that no one can tell if there's a new post stinks too. I don't want everyone taking up their time to check all the time to see if I have one if I don't. Although it does make me happy that people want to hear about my posts about nothing. lol Does it really not show up when you log into your blogger dashboard thingy or whatever? I noticed on Adventures of a Horse Crazed Mind that her blog roll shows my last update was two friday's ago. So, I will have to contemplate going back public and not caring who sees what. I would hope the people at my ex-place of employment would have better things to do, but sometimes I know they don't. My ex-coworker STILL spies on a coworker that had quit about a year ago. So I know SHE doesn't have anything better to do. I don't think she knew I had a blog, but if my loose lipped boss told her, then she will. Not that I care, I don't work there anymore. Hmmmm. Ok. Maybe I will end up going back.

So I have not had any further blogs since my Easter bunny discovered post. Which still makes me laugh and giggle at my goofy children. Big one is almost 8. I don't know sometimes if he knows and just plays along or if he really doesn't know. Honestly I don't remember how old I was when I found out. Ok, I should say when I found out and when I believed there wasn't. Because I think my friend and I discussed it once that we kept hearing Santa wasn't real, but we really didn't believe he wasn't real, so we tried to ignore everyone. Denial is the first step right? lol We were goofy kids. I think her mom had her read that book, "Yes Virginia, there is a Santa" and we just agreed to say there was a real Santa at one point, but that was a long time ago, so parents have to help him, or something silly like that. Our Easter was ok. My dad hid plastic Easter eggs with some candy in it so that way I could at least take SOME pictures of something Easter to put in a scrapbook. Since I didn't get pictures of the boys taking their Easter goodies out of the Walgreens bags. lol Then when we get out there to find the eggs, I start taking pictures and after the third picture, my camera battery dies. Just my luck right? Nothing else went as planned, why should that?? lol I just kept turning the camera back on and telling the kids to freeze every time they found an egg so that I could get a pictures quick before it turned off.

I've been so slammed this past week. Monday and Tuesday I was so busy trying to get everything ready for Virginia, Tuesday around noon they turned off our gas so we had no hot water or heat, and they didn't turn it on until Wednesday evening around 6pm, so I spent from 6pm to about 10 pm trying to do every piece of laundry we had so I got everything for the trip. Thurs and Friday I went to Lansing (about 2 hours away) for the horse show to help the photographer. Then Friday my husband and I figured that we wouldn't be able to spend a whole lot of time together because things on the work sight weren't going quite as planned and it was taking a lot longer, so no point in us wasting gas and wear and tear on vehicle to just not see him anyhow. So we didn't end up going to VA. I crashed on Saturday. I had to go clean stalls. Sunday my dad went to the barn with me and we rode and picked stalls again. Then we had a nice Easter dinner with us and the boys. I saved some HoneyBaked ham for the hubby though so he could get some. Sunday night I went through the paper and applied for 2 more jobs. Unemployment requires you to apply to at least 2 jobs a week. But I highly doubt with so many people being off that they will check. But I still want a job so I will do what it takes. If my dumb printer was working, I could have applied for a third. Why can't everyone just be electronic?? lol Then Monday I relaxed. Go some dishes done. Hung out with my big guy who's out of school for spring break this week. Yesterday we just hung out. At lunch I got a call that little guy was hitting everyone in school and that I needed to come get him. I'm tired of that place. The only reason Tater's going there is to learn how to get along with other kids. I can teach him his abc's, colors and shapes at home, but I cannot teach him how to be with other kids unless he's with other kids. And he's starting kindergarten this fall. Kind of important to be able to behave with other kids. I also got some inside info that they do kind of target him. I was told that if a kid isn't behaving and they are ornery (like most 5 year olds are) they will call the parents to come get them and make up reasons why the kid was bad or they will just say the kid is sick. Nice huh? yeah. They keep asking if my unemployment has went through or what we are doing (they said that to me first thing as I went to pick him up yesterday for getting in trouble) and I just told her I don't know yet. I do know. I believe I will be getting it and that my ex-employer won't be fighting it and I will be getting the state max amount, but I don't think I want him to go back there. Schools going to be hard enough as it is without him having a sign over his head. So, we will begin the search allllll over again for a decent daycare for him for if/when I get a job and over the summer for both of them. yipee. not.

Then yesterday we got food poisoning from Taco Bell (now known as Toxic Hell). I love taco bell with a passion. We eat it all the time without incident. But yesterday, man oh day. I had nachos and taco supreme and my big guy had a regular taco. Well, I didn't eat my taco supreme and gave it to my dad. Yeah, later on all three of us were sick to our stomachs. Little guy didn't have any and he's fine. Big guy threw up around 8pm. I made myself throw up at 10:30pm because I was jealous of big one feeling better, lol, and my dad informed me this morning when he came over that he wishes he had made himself too because he's miserable. What a great daughter I am, poisoning my dad. lol.

Our hermit crab moved on as well. Stupid me kept seeing that he didn't have water and uh, kept saying that I'd do it in a minute and kept forgetting. I found his poor little body outside of his shell in his water dish :( Rest in peace hermit crab.

Well, that's it in a nutshell. Hubby is coming home today. I'm supposed to have a lesson, which by the way has been going EXCELLENT. I will make my next post all about that instead of gross stuff and my whining. lol The trainer is just astounded at what my girl does when she goes to pick up her left lead in a lope. So I'll attempt to explain all that good stuff, and go back through to our "ah-ha!!!" moment when it all clicked and what I was doing wrong as well. So, talk to everyone in a bit. I have another horse show to watch this weekend, thankfully a LOT closer than 2 hours away. It was miserable getting up at 4:30 am to leave by 5:30 and get to the place at 7:30. Only to leave at 9:30 at night and get home at 11:30 to do it all again the next day! lol So that won't be the case this time. Friday funnies may have to wait another week as well. I'm kind of liking this being lazy thing for once. Do you know, it's been over 15 years since I didn't have a job to go to? Aside from 8 weeks off and barely 6 weeks off when I had the boys, I've worked solid jobs since I was 15, and heck, I even went to college during that time as well!! So, for the time being, I'm kind of enjoying not HAVING to go out to a job that I truly disliked. When I find my next one, it will be better for sure :) Enjoy your day all!!

Easter bunny discovered

2009-04-07T15:23:00.004-04:00

But thankfully not over though. So I went shopping yesterday morning and got all the goodies to make the boys small easter baskets to take to virginia for the easter bunny to give them. Unfortunately shortly after I got home, I got a call from the daycare saying that my little guy was sick and he had to go home. He had a temperature of 101 or so and he's been having one on and off for the past week and 1/2 or so. So, I hurried up and put everything into my bedroom in a corner behind some stuff and went to get him. After I got home I called the doctor to make an appointment since this thing he's got just wasn't going away. The appt was right at the same time I was supposed to get big guy from school, so I called my dad and he went to get him from school while I took little guy to the dr. Unfortunately as soon as I walked in the door from the doctors (little guy has another ear infection, grrrr), big guy comes tearing out of the living room screaming, "THE EASTER BUNNY CAME!!! THE EASTER BUNNY CAME!!!!!" I was like oh. Really?? I look at my dad and he mouths "sorry! I went down to the basement just for a second." Well, for the first time EVER, big guy decided to change out of his school clothes as soon as he got home and unfortunately, his dresser with shirts is in my bedroom right where the easter stuff was. I have to yell at that boy constantly to change out of his school clothes and the one time he WANTS to, of course there's something there. So I just acted really excited and said yay!! Then he asked why the easter bunny left the easter grass in the bag (lol, I just said that lazy bunny!!!) and why there weren't eggs anywhere (I usually hide easter eggs with a couple pennies, stickers or little candies in them, well, didn't get a chance to!!). I was like oh, well, he was probably in such a hurry to get you your baskets before you left. lol So yeah. He didn't question if the easter bunny exists though, so safe for this time!! lol

Thank you all for being interested in my blog. I hated to make it private because I really don't have a whole lot to hide. I just don't want my creepy ex-empoyers reading about my life since they weren't too interested about what I had to say before giving me the boot Friday. After everything is over and done with there (I'm trying to get unemployment and I really won't know for sure if I can get it for about 2-3 weeks) before I get back to normal. So thanks for bearing with me. And in all honesty, I thought I'd have all sorts of time on my hands to get things done around the house and be sitting blogging, but I really havn't surprisingly. The kids and life's other little surprises (getting the gas turned off at the house of all times when it's snowing and 30 degrees) have kept me rolling and on my toes. So hopefully things will settle down soon. I have a horse show to go watch a photographer with this thurs and friday and then we'll be leaving sat for Virginia until tuesday when we come back. Then I have another show NEXT thursday through sunday to watch. So I'll be super busy then too. Just crazy I tell ya!!

Have a great day and hope someone else out there is keeping warm :)

Missing...

2009-04-04T15:11:00.002-04:00

Ok, I'm sure you may have noticed something missing from my blog. (or maybe not, who knows) Figure it out? Riiiight. Friday Funnies this week. Unfortunately, my services were unexpectedly no longer needed at my place of employment (read: got fired), and the post I had ready to go, I didn't get a chance to post first. So you will have to wait a week or two for the continuation of Friday Funnies. Yesterday wasn't too funny to me (well, maybe in some senses) and honestly I was quite busy between going to my ex-employer to clean out my office and going to my first job interview an hour later :) SO, since I now have all the time in the world on my hands (for the time being), I will try to have something good for next week.

Have a great day!!

My Goodies

2009-04-02T11:34:00.011-04:00

(This copy and paste thing is working wonderfully!! I can write here and there, then post at once and not have to use my entire lunch on just my post! ) The time has come for me to FINALLY show you all my magical wonderful handmade hat from Mrs. Lisa at Laughing Orca ranch. (I’ll get to a post someday about the magic solution my trainer gave me last week, lol) Waaaaaaaaaaay back when, she had an alphabet challenge and the price was an awesome hat and scarf set made by her crafty hands. When the challenge was all said and done, she picked her winner for the hat and scarf set. But then she surprised everyone who completed the challenge and made us all a hat or scarf!! I got mine in a lovely sparkly lavender color. Without further ado, here I am (please excuse the thing peeking out from under the hat making it look not nearly as pretty as it really is, lol) This hat is SO warm, that I actually got toasty just putting it on for the pictures. It did wonders out at the barn when we were having our -15F degree temps too. I’ll admit one thing, I kinda felt like a bank robber, but a nice looking one. Hehe I always thought I looked funny with stocking caps on, but with this one, I don’t care what I look like, I’m WARM!!!! So thank you, thank you, thank you Mrs. Lisa for taking the time to make me that lovely, warm, gorgeous hat just for reading your interesting and way informative blogs about everything from A to Z, literally. I really, really enjoy your blog and I’m so glad to have “met” you online. I send 100 million good wishes your way that things will get back to normal for you and you have the courage and desire to get back on your pretty painted girl :) My second goody is the bandages that I won on The Funky Monkey. I couldn’t believe it!! I never win ANYTHING and it was like my 3rd or 4th contest I think that I entered into and I won. To give you a good example of my luck, my cousin and I went to the scrapbooking weekend (I’m going to try to take some pictures of some of the pages I did and post them, some day!) and we’ve been going for about 3 years and it’s twice a year. Ok? Well, you get tickets each day that you attend (1, 2 or 3 days and 10 tickets each day) for you to put into gift baskets full of goodies. You can pick and choose or put a ticket in all the baskets. They also have a basket that they put tickets that didn’t win a basket into for massages that a massage school comes to do throughout the weekend. My cousin and I NEVER win. Not even the freaking massages. And they give out like 5 of those for every basket they draw from. So this weekend, they also had ways to get extra tickets. Like fill out a “wish list” for the Creative Memories consultant to give to your loved ones for your birthdays and such, or you could schedule a crop class at your house, or whatever. So my cousin and I do the wish list. The ticket from the wish lists got put into a basket for a free scrapbooking weekend ($80 value) for the fall. Yeah right. We’d never win. We had been joking around that maybe we should leave and we might win because it seemed like everyone that won wasn’t there. They were out to eat or getting massages or swimming or whatever. Anyhow, Sunday rolls around and we had to leave before the drawing, but you didn’t have to be present to win. Two and a half hours later when they did the drawing, who do you think got a call???? NOT ME!!!! MY COUSIN!!!! I’m happy for her, really, but DANG! lol!! So yeah, that’s our luck and I personally never win anything, so getting the hat Lisa made for me and winning the bandages on The Funky Monkey make them all the more special to me. The bandages (I can’t call them Bandaids because that’s a brand name, and these are not those) came in three styles seen below. For the blog, she lists things you can do to get entered and one of them was list which one you would want. I figured that’s the one that I would get. Nope!! She sent me ALL THREE!!! We now have Teen-Ages for boys, Teen-Ages for girls and Own-Ages which is the create your own decorations. As you can see here, the Own-Ages come in 5 colors and 3 markers to decorate as you please. Here is a picture of my little one showing off said boo-boo that NEEDED a bandage (according to him). (which one do I want to use?? Decisions, decisions) He picked the Own-Age bandages to cover it. What did he do? He picks the pink one and colors the entire thing blue, seen here: Creative one, isn’t he? lol He’s his daddy’s boy, we’ll just say that. yeah. Well, then he decided he wanted a bath, so of course said bandage had to come off and he HAD to put a new on after his bath and here is that one:

I also took a little video of him coloring his pink bandage blue, but I still haven’t mastered the posting videos thing yet. Some day. Because I also took video of my Sassie and her roll/buck and fart routine that caused us great laughter when Sis attempted it. That’s ok. Another time. So that’s all there is, there ain’t not more. I definitely suggest going to The Funky Monkey and taking 10 seconds to peep at all her giveaways and sign up for things you might want. You never know when you might actually win. If I did, YOU certainly can too!! Have a great day, and stop back by tomorrow for my Friday Funnies. As usual, I hope to not disappoint!

Fricus Fracus Friday Funnies

2009-03-27T11:39:00.002-04:00

Ok, I was going to make this weeks quick since I'm outta here in about an hour (and I actually should be getting some work done, hehe) but I was having too much fun perusing through all my stored jokes. So you get more. I feel like I gypped you last week anyhow :)

This first one I swear I had posted, but reviewing my previous funnies, I didn't see it. So if it was in there somewhere, I apologize. I think I may have left it out at the beginning when I got it so that I wouldn't offend anyone. Now that I know THAT'S not going to happen, lol, here it is.

The CIA Has An Opening....
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... kill her!!

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes.

'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'

The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'

Then it was the woman's turn...

She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks,' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'

MORAL:
Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.

_______________________________________

Great things to put as your “I’m out of the office” automatic email response:

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the e-mails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over...)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ' Lucille' instead of Steve.

(and those of you who don't work in an office per say, you can still set your emails to do the same, lol)
_______________________________
A mother’s teachings
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
'Because I said so, that's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
'Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all those green beans are gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.’

(doesn't every parent wish that upon their children?? lol Mine did and I think I got myselfx5 with my younger one!!)
____________________________
Here’s a funny article I had

Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, just north of the Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar . One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the crest of a hill.

The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then turned off.

Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.

Back at the CHIPs Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander The reply came back in true USMC style:

Thank you for your letter. We can now complete our file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.
Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment location.
Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.
The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech. Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar . It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on his holster.
Thank you for your concern.

Semper Fi. (Gotta love them Marines)
_______________________________

Girls Night Out

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.

The next day, one woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, 'These damn girls' night out have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties.'

'You think that's bad' said the other husband,
'Mine is lying in bed with a card stuck in her ass that says:
'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.''

________________________________

On their way to get married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident and they find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he leaves. The couple sat down to wait for an answer.

A couple of months pass. While they wait for the decision, they begin to wonder if they SHOULD get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. 'What if it doesn't work?', they wonder, 'Are we stuck together FOREVER?' After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. 'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you CAN get married in Heaven.' 'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground. 'What's wrong?' asks the frightened couple. 'OH, COME ON!!' St. Peter shouts, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?

__________________________
Things just aren't like they used to be:

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered "Let's relive some old times."

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.

"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."
___________________________

That's all for now folks!! Enjoy your weekend, I know I will be!! lol

Break through!! On several levels

2009-03-25T12:19:00.001-04:00

It’s finally happened. Understanding. I was high on cloud 9 and it was feeling pretty darn close to perfection. I rode last night and had my first official “lesson” with my trainer’s girlfriend, to be known here on out as my instructor. Can I just say, I was up until almost 11:00 last night replaying my lesson over and over in my head because I was so freaking excited! A lot of things clicked last night. Finally. I’ve gotten so much good advice online from so many helpful bloggers, but I realize now that I must only be able to comprehend stuff when someone is there “yelling” at me. There in the moment to tell me NOW, DO THIS, or whatever. Heck, apparently I didn’t even get it when my trainer was telling me what to do last year. I think part of that was because I was so focused on my crazy girl (because she was crazy and I was still nervous) instead of what I personally was trying to do.

I found out last night that I was basically doing everything opposite of what works. And when I changed everything, I actually did a CIRCLE!!! Not a hexagon or square or arc with jagged edges, but a true actual circle!! I was ecstatic. If I could have kissed the instructor, I would have. Reminds me of the Meat Loaf (I think) song……..(it’s all coming back to me now). lol I think the major difference was that I actually let myself sound (to me) “stupid.” What do I mean by that? Well, first off, when my trainer was giving me instruction while he was training my horse, I really think he was focused on training Sassie, which is fine, that’s what he was being paid to do, and wasn’t really conveying his thoughts clearly enough for me to understand. I don’t fault him, it was really me. If I asked more then like twice, I would just kind of give up if he didn’t correct me anymore. So I think it was more of lack of communication on his part and understanding on my part. In any case, I am HAPPY to say, that I think last nights lessons will have fixed many of our issues.

When we first started, she said ok, what do you want to work on? I told her whatever she saw that I was doing wrong. lol I’m not one of those people who thinks they ride perfect and don’t you dare tell me otherwise. Heck no!! I’m of the mind that if you see something that I may not be doing right, tell me. Then if it’s something I can fix that I really am doing wrong, then great. If it’s something that I was specifically told to do, then I’ll say thanks and go about my merry way. I WANT to know if my legs are too far forward. I WANT to know if my saddle is on my girls shoulders and should be further back. I want to know things like that because I definitely don’t know everything. And apparently even less than I had originally thought! She said that I sit very well and don’t change anything with that. She only said to sit back a little because when Sassie balks, I fall forward and then we are unbalanced. Which this I knew and I know I have to work on it. I’ve been trying to work on it for a year now because trainer harped on that. lol It’s hard for me to sit back, but sit straight tall. I tend to lean forward when I think I’m sitting up straight. I don’t know how to fix that, but I’ll keep trying. I have such bad posture to begin with.

First thing she tells me to do is tip my girls nose in. After the third time of her telling me to tip her nose in because her body follows her nose, I stop. I’m like ok, I give up. I think I’m tipping her nose in, but she’s still not doing what she’s supposed to be doing and you keep telling me to do it. What am I doing wrong? Well that turned out to be THE big question of the night because the answer fixed just about everything. I was doing completely opposite of what I should have been. I’m not going to go into details because I’m sure everyone else knows how to tip their horse’s nose in but me! But now I do. Sounds bad, doesn’t it? As soon as she explained HOW to do it and how doing it keeps her shoulder from falling in, everything made sense, even though I should have known because everyone on here AND my trainer had already told me the exact same thing. I just didn’t know how to tip her nose in!! What to do with my hands. We were off and running in a way we hadn’t been since the start of our training. Then we did circles. YAY!!!! (For the sake of space and not boring you all to death, I’m leaving out some stuff) We accomplished in one hour what I had been missing in a year. We worked on trying to keep Sassie from pushing her head forward and pulling on the bit, we worked on using my legs more, we worked on feel and counting. Feel and counting are my worst area. She was counting while Sassie was jogging and I could not feel anything that matched up to what she was counting. So we are going to definitely work more on that.

I told her how Sassie’s left side is weak, always has been. Even with my trainer, we always had trouble doing stuff on her left side. I told instructor that I had gotten advice on how to strengthen it so that when she lopes, we aren’t all out of wack because she can’t physically do what I’m asking. That led to the next best thing since sliced bread. After we were jogging around and instructor said yes, everyone telling you to work more on the left side will strengthen it, she said let’s lope! lol. I was like okie dokie. She wanted to see how Sas did to the right first, and of course as usual, everything went ok. She’s good on that side. So she said let’s go to the left now. By that time, Sassie was worked up because she knows we were going to be loping. Instructor said ok, slow her down, keep her at a trot and MAKE her listen to you because her head is already fast forwarding to loping. And it was. We were all over the place. Body was trying to go one way, head was going the other, she was balking, she was cutting in, and basically everything she could do to not lope. So instructor said keep jogging until she is calmed down and you are all set up. Support her shoulder. Now I know when we were practicing loping with the trainer, he would keep mentioning about keeping her shoulder up, support it and keep her head tipped in because it would set her up. I’ve heard many other bloggers talk about it too. My problem was that I didn’t know how to achieve that. I now do, at least have an idea. And when we went to lope to the left, Sassie gave what I always thought was a buck, but it isn’t. Instructor said no, that’s her pushing herself into the lope. She kind of hops into it. It was really good. I was like okayyyy, now I know.

So that is essentially it. Our major breakthrough. And I couldn’t be happier. Instructor was majorly impressed with Miss Sassie and how she handled all this new stuff. At one point instructor told me that my head was probably going to explode. I laughed and told her no, SASSIE’s head is going to explode!! Instructor saw most of Sassie’s training because she was at the barn working with another horse, and she said it’s good that I’ve been working with Sassie and we must have a good relationship because she thinks if it had been at the beginning when we were first training her, we would have been having major meltdowns and Sassie would have just shut down. But she was very willing last night to “try” to do anything that I was “trying” to ask of her. Which was a lot considering I didn’t even know ½ the time. My poor horse. I feel bad now. I’ve probably been torturing her for this whole past year!!

*** Oh, and Andrea (swampsuburbia), instructor trains with Art O’Brien (?) at Findlay. I don’t know if you know him, or Cindy Moorehead. She’s friends with her. You had asked who is down there and that’s who she trains with :) Who did you know?

***And P.S. – I figured out I can type all of this up and copy and past so that I’m only online for a few minutes at my lunch. Muuahahaha!! So I will perhaps be posting again more often, much to your chagrin :) I had to get this post out asap because how stinking excited I am, so I am working on a post about my goodies that I’ve received (my awesome handmade hat and my DIY bandages for the kiddies) So, be back soon!!!

This week's Friday Funnies

2009-03-20T12:00:00.002-04:00

Here are Funny Fridays for today. (I appologize in advance for the shortness, I'm on a timer now :( Next week I will be a little more prepared to feed your reading pleasure - lol!)

These first pictures are for the ladies.

8 Reason Ladies Stay Single:

(this guy above seriously looks like one of my uncles!!)

Ok, don't lie, I KNOW you all enjoyed those, lol!!

Here are some funnies from the dark side hehehe. If you get offended by risque things, please, stop here!!

and last but not least....

EVERYTHING HAS A GENDER

You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.

Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the filled with hot air part.

Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.

A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male , didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

Enjoy this (temporarily) shortened version of Friday Funnies and I hope you all have a GREAT weekend!! (I will try to do some catching up!)

Easter Vacation

2009-03-19T09:24:00.003-04:00

Ok, shhh, I'm getting on while the boss is still out, hehe. I just found out that my lovely husband will have to work over Easter. Not too bad, but it will be like 8 hours away!! Sooooo, I'm thinking since my older one doesn't have school, maybe we will take a little mini Easter vacation and go down and stay for a few days so that we can see him on Easter at least. We'll have to leave a note for the Easter bunny of course so that he knows where to find us (wink, wink). So we may be bound for Winchester Virginia. Any bloggers down around there?? I'll have LOTS of free time during the day, so even if it's a two hour drive or so, I'd be willing to drive because I'll have nothing else to do :)) Here's my favorite picture of when we went to North Carolina last year and we stopped at a rest stop:

They gave him a bumper sticker that says Virginia is for Lovers. lol!! My 4 year old. It was funny.

So, if you are down around there, or within a reasonable driving distance, let me know!! lol

Time limits

2009-03-18T12:24:00.002-04:00

Man o day. Our boss decided last week that it was US TWO employees going online "all day long" that was causing our system to slow down. Never mind all the surfing he does and watching steaming videos and all THAT, it's all our fault. So now we are attempting to limit our internet usage to our whole 1/2 hour of lunch time :(( I MISS EVERYONE!!! I didn't realize how much I was actually getting online during work!! And I got to read a whole TWO BLOGS during my lunch. This sucks!!!! And I'm usually too busy at home or my hubby occupies the net the entire afternoon (looking up the same darn things every. single. day) and I can't get on. I might have to designate Wednesdays as MY day!! lol. How do you all do it?? How do you work and still find time to read your however many blogs? I have like 20? And I think that really isn't that many since not every single person blogs every single day. Hmmmm. Maybe I need to get in early (HA!) or stay late (double HA!).

In any case, I have so many things I want to post about, and I will. Eventually. I have my hat blog about my awesome handmade hat from Lisa at Laughing Orca Ranch that I got ages ago and had hubby take pictures of so I could post. Still haven't. Blog about my Ouchies I won from the Funky Monkey blog. I got some cute pics and a little video of my little one digging in because he conveniently got an owie the day after we got them, lol. Like I had ANY doubt that would happen. I finally got a little video of my girl when she rolls and then bucks and kicks off that I wanted to post. Of course she had to do it in the furthest corner of the arena, so she's far away and enshrouded in a cloud of dust. But I still got it!! lol.

Anyhow, hope everyone is doing good and is writing lots of interesting things for me to read and catch up on. lol

Sigh. Some day.

Friday Funnies

2009-03-13T09:55:00.006-04:00

Another Friday funnies for another Friday the 13th!! I don't think I have any more morbid funnies like the first time though, lol. So here are this weeks Friday Funnies. I almost forgot about them until I got a joke this morning!! So in light of the upcoming St. Patrick's Day Holiday, and since I have an Irish hubby and two sweet blue eyed, red headed babies, I offer you the following.

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
________________________________

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
________________________________

Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not a'bout time ye let the Catholics across?"
________________________________

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Um, where are ye callin' from?"
________________________________

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
________________________________

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."
________________________________

An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
________________________________

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
________________________________

and last but not least....

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror."

Have a great weekend everyone. Drink some green beer next week and eat some corn beef and cabbage!!

Interesting give aways

2009-03-12T10:52:00.002-04:00

Don't get too excited. I'M personally not giving anything away, yet, but here is a website that was emailed to me by Ron at the delightful English Toffee Anytime, who you all know I LOVE to pieces. The toffee, not Ron, although he seems pretty cool too :) lol Anyhow, if you go to Funky Monkey, this stay at home mom does giveaways like crazy because she's a tryer person. Just go and check it out. I actually won something on the third item that I commented on. They are Ouchies and they are design your own type bandages. I can't wait to get them because lord knows we use enough with my boys!! And they will have so much fun designing their own.

Anyhow, Susannah at Funky Monkey is giving away these awesome brushes with ladies images on them. I think there is one brush that identifies each lady who reads this blog. Everyone uses brushes right? So hop on over there and check them out and leave a few comments and see if one of us can't be one of the TWO lucky winners. And if you do win, let me know. That would be so cool!!

So here I am plugging for this wonderful blog. Go, go visit and see what you can win!!!

My darling kiddies

2009-03-10T10:30:00.004-04:00

Ok, I was get on and write (and obviously still am, hehe) how it's not just a cliche that kids say the darnedest things, but cdncowgirl beat me to it!! I think that girl has a lifeline to my brain. I logged on today to write this post, and instead started reading through all the updated blogs to see what's up with everyone else around the world first. Imagine my surprise when cdn blogged almost something identical (topic wise) to what I was going to post. This has happened a few times. lol It's crazy!!

Ok, anywho, here's the latest. Does anyone know of anything to peek inside the heads of our young ones? Nope. If we would we'd definitely be doing it to horses too I'm sure! Upon hearing various things my little ones talk about, either to each other, to themselves, or during discussions about whatever, I often wonder just what it is that they are picturing in their head, what vision is crossing their imaginative brains. Here's definitely not the only, but the most recent occurrence that sparked that wish. I had the hard job of having to tell my 5 year old that one of his preschool classmates was in a bad accident, is in ICU and that her single, 8 mo. pregnant mommy and unborn brother (who was already named) are now in heaven :( Last Wednesday we kept hearing all day on the radio and new about how one of our major through ways was closed because of a single car fatal accident. I'm always sad when I hear that. Then Friday the preschool sent a letter home explaining it was the classmate of my younger one and her mom and how the mother was ALWAYS careful to wear a seat belt, but for some reason that day she did not have it on. No one knows really what happened. They think maybe she had turned around to tend to the little girl in the backseat for some reason. The person travelling behind her said she never hit the breaks before veering into the median and striking a tree hard. The preschool said that they would like the parents to talk to their children over the weekend and explain what happened. They were nice enough and gave a little dialog that might help with that difficult talk. The would be updating the children on the little girl's status as she recovers and didn't want to surprise the kids. I knew all day when they were saying the woman's name that it kind of sounded familiar. My kids always call their classmates by first and last names. I don't know why, they always have. And I think Tater has talked about the little girl before and maybe that's why. Unfortunately my boys are no strangers to death already in their short little lives. My 7 year old had no problem understanding. We had our horse Remington die, both of the boys grandmothers (hubby and my moms) passed before the boys were born and one of my aunts passed away last fall. One of my hubby's uncles is very ill and isn't expected to make it through this week. So they've been to their fair share of funerals and we've had many death talks. We always tell the boys whoever it is that passed is in (or going to) heaven to have lots of fun and play and visit with each other. (no discussions please, that's what we believe and it's ok if you don't) Ok, pretty simple. Well, as I'm telling my little one that his friends mommy and little brother are in heaven, just like Remington, he interrupts me and kind of whimpers and says he wants Remington back. Ugh. I hate sadness. I don't deal with funerals very well. I never have. Even if it's someone I wasn't close to, didn't know very well, or didn't really like, I feel sorry for the people that will be missing who they lost and I end up crying my eyes out. I teared up just driving by the tree she hit because that poor little girl. Anyhow, I told him that Remington is in a good place and he's up there running around having fun playing in the sun and eating green grass. My 7 year old is trying to help me out too, which was cute. Well THEN, 5 year old says, "I don't want them in outer space!!" I was speechless because I don't know what his outer space looks like. I don't know if he is picturing this horse floating around in the air in what we all see outer space as. I was like hmmmm. Ok, "honey, they aren't in outer space." He says "Yes they are, heaven is outer space." I said "No, heaven is in the clouds, outer space is further out." He said ok, asked how they get to heaven (god comes and holds their hand) and then calmed down. It was funny to me and I almost giggled picturing all of our loved ones just hanging out and floating in outer space. I know it's not technically funny, but I would so loved to have just for a second been able to glimpse inside his head and see what it was he was picturing.

Kids. What can I say? Sometimes you want to cry and laugh at the same time.

On Saturday my younger one, again (it's usually him that says the wackiest stuff), wanted to wear his little brown suede "cowboy" vest (that he wears 24/7). I was trying to give him a shirt and I told him that he can't just wear that, he HAS to wear some sort of shirt under it. He says to me "no, I just want to wear my vest!!" I was rolling. I texted my hubby who was out at the barn and said that we have a future Village (People) Person, T-man's going to take over as the cowboy!! LOL!!! Little guy saw nothing wrong with wearing his vest with nothing on underneath, even though it was only 30 degrees out. lol!!

Friday Funnies

2009-03-06T09:04:00.005-05:00

Hope everyone has a great weekend. Here are some funnies to start it off for you. We'll say these are Naughty Friday Funnies, lol, so be warned! Enjoy!!
__________________________
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in the re already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice"
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My Dad's outside.."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy: "$750"
Man: "Sold."

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy: "$1,000"
The Dad says, "That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession."

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now."
_____________________________

Letter from Mail Order Sex Shop:

DEAR MADAM:

THANK YOU FOR YOUR RECENT ORDER FROM OUR SEX TOYS SHOP.
YOU ASKED FOR THE LARGE RED VIBRATOR AS FEATURED ON OUR WALL DISPLAY.
PLEASE SELECT ANOTHER ITEM BECAUSE THAT IS OUR FIRE EXTINGUISHER.

(I got that one as a text mail to me, lol. Well, as a joke, not that I actually did that. A company didn't text me. You know? lol)
______________________________

The Simple Truths about Men and Woman

________________________________
And the final two are courtesy of the ever so lovely Mrs. Mom

ONCE A MARINE ALWAYS A MARINE

On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired Marine, and asked, Honey, do you remember this?"

He looked up from his newspaper and said; "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married"

She said, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?

He nodded and said "Yes dear, I said; Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those beautiful breasts and fu*k your brains out."

She giggled and said; "That's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"

He looked her up and down and said;

" Mission Accomplished"

__________________________________
How Long for a Haircut?

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "about 2 hours."

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours."

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half."
The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."

A little while later Bill returned to the shop laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "Your house."
________________________________

So there you have it. Laugh out loud and enjoy your weekend!!

Darn it!!

2009-03-05T11:56:00.002-05:00

Ok, that about sums it up. BrownEyed Cowgirls called me last night after they got to their hotel for the night. Unfortunately for our plans, THEIR plans had changed, so they will not be coming over this way. Her honey got a call about a lead down in Charleston, so they are now heading south. I was soooo disappointed :( But I hope something turns up for her sweetie, so it's ok!! It's not a bad thing at all. We chit chatted for about an hour, hour 1/2 on the phone and it was really cool! I hope she doesn't think I'm a dork. When I'm a little nervous I tend to talk really fast and like I'm out of breath, and giggle like I'm 10 years old, not 30. She was telling me so much stuff, I wish I had had a notepad to write it all down!! I learn so much from her.

So there it is, we will not meet this time, but maybe some other time. BEC, if you read this, my husband's already forming ideas of how to come visit YOU out west!! lol So beware!! I hope you had a wonderful trip and I know you were taking a ton of pictures, so I can't wait to see them all :)

COOL

2009-03-04T12:44:00.002-05:00

Ok, how cool is this? I might get to MEET, IN PERSON with one of my fellow bloggers. You can't believe HOW excited I am. I'm going to refrain from acting kooky though so she doesn't run quickly the other way. BrownEyed Cowgirls will possibly be coming through an area near where I live. I posted that I'd love to meet up with her if she was coming through northern Ohio and as luck would have it, they are!!! I'm so excited. Did I say that already? Sorry, lol!!

I obviously will have to find out how long they will be stopping in for and where exactly. Whether it's just a quick stop, or stop and eat, or stop and see some things or maybe my horse :)) hehe.

It's really kind of funny because I have this email group that used to play an online trivia game that is now defunct. But I've been emailing these people for like 2 1/2, 3 years and two of them live in MI, one a mere hour away, and I've NEVER met up with any of them for some reason. NOW, someone I've "known" for just like maybe 7 months or so from 1/2 way across the country, and I might get to meet her. Too cool. I would say I'm speechless, but obviously by now you can tell that is simply untrue. Ok, I have to stop myself now before I embarass myself too much. lol!

2/27/09 Friday Funnies

2009-02-27T10:35:00.000-05:00

Welcome to this weeks addition of friday funnies. Hope you enjoy. I don't know about everyone else, but this week was a real crap shoot for me and I am SOOO glad it's the weekend!!

Tech Support

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks, Troubled User.....

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5! and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck, Tech Support
_________________________________________
Why God Made Moms

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2 She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
_______________________________________
Saying Goodbye to Mother

You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One!
You don't even have to like them!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn' t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car.
_____________________________________
And lastly, what else makes you laugh but dogs?? Swamp Suburbia had some pictures up last week with her lovely bulldog (I believe) that has taken a liking to running through their little ditch and she had an awesome running shot too. cdncowgirl also had the cutest picture of her mom's HUGE dog and the two little mini weiner dogs. Here are some more lovely dogs.

Dogs just have a way of making us smile and that's good stuff . . .

Oh, wait!! I lied. One more joke. cdncowgirl put up a joke wednesday on her website that was pretty darn funny, so she gave me permission to post a link to her there. Go on over and peek. Don't be drinking though, your keyboard won't appreciate it :))

Have a great weekend all!!

Suuuprise, suprise, suprise

2009-02-23T13:02:00.003-05:00

Why does it seem like everything in my life is backwards from what I think it will be and expect?? I think I'm going to go around and start doing things backwards on purpose!! Maybe not. The two most recent things aren't exactly bad :)) Maybe I'll just start expecting the worst and hoping for the best and see how that goes for me.

First off is clippers. My mare hates me messing around her ears, but she'll let me clip them with regular shears. She gets really fuzzy ears. Anyhow, we finally got a pair of horse clippers to do bridal paths and stuff and FINALLY took them out to try them on her. I was expecting some head tossing and me ending up with a mohawk or something crazy because of my mare acting wild and knocking my hand away. I didn't think it was going to go well at all. So after clearing the barn of kids and everyone, I took her out of her stall and put her in the cross ties. Hubby took the lead line and made his tough man stance holding her. I took hold of the other side of the halter and held up the clippers for her to smell first. She sniffed a bunch and then stopped, so I pulled them away and turned them on. Didn't bother her. Hmmmm. So I moved them up around her head and ears a little. She didn't like it up by her ears so I lowered it back down to her muzzle area. She sniffed a little but didn't do anything. So I held the handle up to her muzzle so she could feel the vibration and buzzing. She didn't move an inch and actually was pushing her face into my hand that was holding the clippers!! She started closing her eyes like it felt good to her!! Crazy horse! So I went ahead and started clipping her bridal path and she didn't do anything at all. I about fell over dead in shock. Those are the moments I live for with her. The moments where she would have some little reason to be goofy but acts like nothing is strange at all.

We finally got the hormone supplement so I can't wait to see if that helps her. She was being really dumb Saturday when I rode. She was great for a little bit and we were doing great little circles for about the first 20 minutes. But when I started up again after I had stopped her to stand still while watching my son's lesson, she was full out dumb. She was fighting every little thing I asked. When I asked her to walk, she started backing up. When I got her walking and asked for the jog, she screeched to a halt, was walking sideways and started flinging her head every which way and at one point it was almost like she was looking for a place to lay down she had her head so low. She was being super nutty. So I just walked her out and was done. I'm pretty sure she's in heat. It was after her little stall neighbor gelding left the arena that she started acting up (we had stopped for lessons and to watch the girl riding that goofball because he's not broke and I wanted to catch the rodeo). I don't know, we'll see. The chiro said let it work for about two months and we'd know if it was helping by then, the store person said what we bought was enough for almost 3months because she's small. So we shall see.

And the second thing. We lost health insurance (for the millionth time) in Oct. through my husband's work. I've asked my boss' for health insurance no less than 5 times in the past 5 years, basically at least each time my husband lost his, and I've repeatedly been told no. Well, the ins. lady came to give us quotes on Friday and she called today about applications "everyone" was supposed to be filling out (but of course I was conveniently left out of getting). So I asked her if I signed a waiver ONCE, FIVE YEARS ago, does that mean I can never again get insurance because I've never signed anything ever again. She said no, every time the office had new insurance, I'd have to sign another waiver (hasn't happened the past couple new ins co switches, so I'd like to know how I got waived if I never signed one) or fill out an app. Hmmm. So I told her email me the apps because I want (NEED) ins. My boss had told her I didn't need it!!!! So long story short, I asked my boss if I could have it (again) and he said no because I had coverage through the hubby. I told him no, hubby lost it in Oct and he started yelling at me for not having it!!! I'm like wahhhh??? He told me I should have asked in Oct. and they would have made sure to add us onto their policy. grrrrrr. So good news, I might be getting ins. Bad news, don't know what it's going to cost me. He's been paying in full for the other girl for two years now. I have a feeling because I have a family (and my coverage is obviously going to cost more), I'm going to end up paying for it with 1/2 my paychecks. If that's the case, I guess I can't have it. Don't know what to do. I guess I'm going to wait and see how much it is before I'll have to respectfully waive it again because I won't be able to afford it.

To all my charming, friendly friends

2009-02-21T08:41:00.001-05:00

I got this Friendship Award a few days ago from MiKael's Mania . (She's having some crazy contact issues over there and I feel bad because eyes are such a sensitive issue) (AND, Happy Birthday to her!!)

The award description:
"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

You get two extra friendship points if you can tell me what self-aggrandizement means, lol.

I'm going to pass on this friendship award to a few of my newer blogging buddies that I've just come across recently or that I've had for awhile but are kind of in the shadows. I read all my blogs for particular reasons (no Jerry Mcguire quotes here though) and I hope you all want to check them out as well. So without further ado and in no particular order, aside from alphabetical :), here they are:

Back at the Ranch (who makes some really cool jewelry!)

Bringing Home Sammy (has an adorable spotted TWH that she is helping become whole again)

Happy Rainbowland (who wants to be positive in a negative blogging world, and has the cutest Irish Draft mixed with a drop of TB) and the cute avatar with the tongue sticking out, that I can NEVER catch with my girls.

and last, but certainly not least....

It's a Good Thing You're Cute (don't we all want to say that about our four legged friends at some point? and maybe kids too!! lol)

(I know there's not 8, but shhh, I am slowly and steadily adding more that I read each week) So, those have all become new blogging buddies in the past few days and weeks to me, I hope everyone checks them out and drops a few friendly lines. Have a great Saturday!! Hope you are all doing something horsey. WE are getting 4-6 in. of snow today (AHHHH)!!

Friday Funnies

2009-02-20T11:45:00.000-05:00

Here are some funky funnies for this Friday :)

The Cowboy Boots
(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)
Especially most of who reads this blog :))

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time On the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?", like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But she Mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your Mittens?" He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

She will be eligible for parole in three years.
________________________
Some funny quotes

1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his
sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group
for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey

4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy

5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry

6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the
lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone

8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills
than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien

9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my
fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery

10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" (same could be said about Detroit)
--Richard Jeni

11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson

12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez

13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld

14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you
have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson

15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde

16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress..
But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain

17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown

18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry (I love Dave Barry)

19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
--Author unknown, presumed deceased
(Presumed Deceased.... Geeee I wonder Why....)

20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."
- W. C. Fields
______________________________
A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.

'That's a serious step,' he said. 'Have you thought it out completely?'

'Yes,' his young son answered. 'We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.'

'How about transportation?' the father asked.

'I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,' the little boy answered.

The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, 'What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know.'

'We've thought about that, too,' the little boy replied. 'We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!'
___________________________
Idiots of 2006 (yeah, this is old, lol)

Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this. "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told
him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
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IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

From Kingman, KS.
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IDIOT SIGHTINGS:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
...........................
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to" downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
...........................
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
...........................
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side."

This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton, Mississippi.
..........................
STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and they REPRODUCE !

Happy Friday!! Hope you have a great weekend!

early Friday Funny

2009-02-19T07:49:00.003-05:00

I know you all just CAN'T wait until my friday funnies, so here's a little something to wet your whistle and brighten your day :))

The Schweppes Bull

I'm sorry I don't know how to just post the video, so you'll have to settle for a link, but I think anyone here will appreciate it :))

In addition to my prior post...

2009-02-16T15:52:00.003-05:00

I forgot!! After we were done riding yesterday, we turned the girls back out to stretch and roll. We had read somewhere that it's a good idea to let them do that. Like brushing them when you are done with a good work out so their hair isn't all compacted. They loosen themselves up and are less likely to cast themselves in the stall. Not like that's ever happened, but they said it's a good idea. Sure enough, about 10 seconds after we turned them out, they both found their spots (about 5 feet away from each other in that huge arena!! lol) and roll. Well, my horse rolled quicker than the older girl and when she rolls, she gets up, takes a huge buck and fart and then darts off. Well, she did her buck and fart and started to dart when the other one was just starting to stand up. Sis attempted to start her little buck too. Only problem? She wasn't quite finished getting up and ended up with rear end and legs in the air and face and front legs being pile drove into the ground. It was the weirdest thing. We (hubby and I) kind of looked at each other because it was in slow motion and we couldn't decide if we should laugh and say silly horse or be worried that she hurt herself. But she got up, shook herself and then took off running. I guess she's ok. We'll see when we go out tomorrow if she's sore or not. Silly old girl. She's not 7 anymore!!! lol If that wasn't a kodak or video moment, I don't know what was.

A horsey weekend

2009-02-16T10:49:00.009-05:00

My weekend included lots of horsies. Not all just mine though. On Thursday we got an email from the rescue where we got two of our past horses from. We still have the one, Sis, that is our bombproof kids horse. Best investment ever. Anyhow, this email was asking for donations for a Tennessee Walking Horse colt that the rescue agreed to take in. Here's the email:

"Well, we have an emergency situation coming into our rescue in the next few days. Meet Eddie, he is a yearling Tennessee Walking Horse colt, he is very sweet but he has an injury that needs surgery. Eddie was injured out in the pasture where a stick went through the eye and has to be removed. Dr. Nagy of Howell, MI tells me that he will have to have the eye surgically removed due to it starting to rupture, they had hoped to save the eye but that is not going to happen. The surgery will be done at Findlay University and will cost between $800-$1600 which with also include him being gelded. The doctors will not know what they are getting into until they operate so this is why there is a range.

I know some of you are wondering why we don't just euthanize him and use the money for something else. Well, we feel he deserves a second chance for all he has endured for the last two weeks and the care that has been given to him. He is very sweet easy to handle and a trooper, so why not try to help him and find him a forever home after his recovery. Horses can survive and do quite well with only one eye.

If you would like to make a donation please do so via our paypal address which is voiceforhorses@wmconnect.com or you can log on to our website at voiceforhorses.org and make a donation through that as well and state Eddie vet care. Your donation is tax deductible and for all who donate $25.00 or more we will give you a logo T-shirt, our way of saying thank you for your help and compassion.

Won't you help Eddie and pass this on to everyone you know, all who donate will also get a photo of Eddie as well and email updates on his progress."

So, as well as emailing everyone I know, I'm posting this on here. In the three years we've been involved with this rescue, she has never sent out an email asking for donations. Obviously she's always welcomed any, but she's never sent out emails like this. As for the rescue, I can vouch that the lady that founded/runs it is very passionate about what she does. She runs the rescue herself, and aside from the money she gets from being a non-profit, she told us one time that more than 1/2 of her own personal money goes into the rescue. She doesn't have a team of people that helps run it, she does everything by herself. So if anyone out there is looking for a nice rescue to donate to (I know, like there aren't a million to choose from already), I can personally vouch that this is a good one. At least it has been to us :) And I agree with the trying to save this one before automatically euthanizing. After this surgery he could still can live a nice productive life. She doesn't hoard unusable horses at her rescue either. It was sad the number of horses she was going to be putting down due to heath and/or behavior issues. One guy in particular. He's 23 and they are having a lot of trouble putting and keeping weight on him no matter what they've done. Along with that, she said he's super mean. He'll kick at whatever walks behind him while he's eating, human or horse thinking they are going to try to take his food. His ears were constantly pinned back the whole time we were there. She said no one is ever going to want a 23 year old, mean, food machine, so they will be putting him down this Wednesday. :( That's one of the the hardest part of rescuing I'm sure.

Well, while we were there, of course we had to look and see what she all had there (sometimes she doesn't have everything up on her website right away) because we would like to get a third horse, eventually. And what do we find? A registered quarter horse mare who's 6 and trained. She even has possession of the papers. $350.00 is all she's asking to cover part of the cost of shipping that she helped the prior owners with. The story is, the owners live in CA and one of the girlfriends got into a really bad car accident. She has had 6 back surgeries and they had no health insurance. So she had to give up her gelding (which unfortunately has to be put down due to a health issue, something like EPM?? Does that sound familiar?) and this mare. Now this part I'm not sure about, I think maybe they had friends from around my area and knew that Voice for Horses is good and does background checks, follow up on adoptions and will take back any horse that doesn't work out in an instant, so maybe they thought that was the best route. But the lady that runs the rescue said they didn't want to let the horses just go to anyone (who does?) so they paid the shipping costs to get the two horses to this rescue. Anyhow, this mare is a dream.
The picture doesn't do her justice. She's got a really nice hind. The only issue she has is the left angular deformity, which you can't really see unless you are looking closely. She said the vet (which is the same one we use, so we would check with him) has cleared her for riding w-t-c, which is probably all we'd do. We don't do anything too strenuous and she was used for trail riding. We are going to wait until spring to see about our finances and then take her for a test run. I really hate to wait, but I know patience is a virtue and I don't want to get her and get attached just to find out we really can't afford her. So, that's our dream. She needs about another 150-200 lbs (which would happen in less than a month at our barn) and then some muscle toning. But the rescue lady said that she's really sweet, and she was too while we were there. Then we'd have three mares. ugh!! What are we thinking?? lol. I don't know if I'd know what to do if we could ALL ride at once!! I'd have the boys ride Sis, I'd ride my goofy girl and my hubby could ride the new pretty one. But then we'd have Sis, Sassie and Sydney. We'd be so tongue tied!! lol!!! Ok, I'm sorry, I'm being giddy.

While talking with the lady at the rescue, we were talking about getting out of the rescue business, I think because she's thought about stopping, but she said the lord will tell her when it's time. She said just as she was talking with a friend of hers this past week about stopping, she got in a really pretty, sweet mare from a guy that had a heart attack and seizures or something. Well, when she got this mare, she took one look at her hind when she was walking away an noticed bumps. Got the doc out and this poor mare has cancer. TONS and TONS of cancer tumors all up and down her hind. So if you could see those, imagine what her insides probably looked like. She said you know, maybe that's my place here, because all I had to do was look and see those bumps and the people caring for her didn't?? So she said right now rescues are needed and she's there for the horses, no matter how tough it gets for her, it's always tougher for those who can't talk. ~sniff, sniff~ she made me tear up a little.

So that was Saturday. On Sunday, we went out to see our girls and actually get a good ride in. It definitely wasn't GOOD, but we got a ride in. Sassie's pulling her stunts again. We haven't been really riding hard, like aerobically, just more of puttering around. I've been trying to work on the circling and seat control and balance that mugwump was posting about for me. I could tell we hadn't rode hard in awhile. Sassie was fine walking, but as soon as I asked for a jog, she was off. It was like racing season. I was like ok, she's still got some energy, so we'll just roll with it. We jogged around a few laps and I tried to work with slowing her down a little. She kept acting like she wanted to lope. So I thought hey!, if she wants to lope, let's go. So I got her nice and comfortable in the jog and then asked for the lope to the right, which is her better side. She did good, but she's really dropping her shoulder in and cutting across the arena. We've always had a problem with it, but I can never remember if the trainer said to lift on the inside, where she's dropping her shoulder, or lift on the outside to lead her more out. My hubby said lift the inside because that's where she's dropping her shoulder. So we started up again and I tried lifting with the inside and pushing with my inside leg. She'd go a little further, but would still fight it. So after a few laps we slowed it back down to a walk and I was going to try loping to the left. HA! Try is definitely the key word. My legs are so sore today!! I tried and tried until I could tell we were both getting too frustrated and were not getting anywhere. She was trying her little bucking at first, nothing too major, but did get me off balance a few times. I think I need to sit a little deeper and back. I think my balance being off is throwing her off so she doesn't want to go thinking I'm not right. maybe? So I'd slow back to the jog until we were all collected and I'd try again. Well, after the bucking wasn't working, she was trying to just flat out left turn square into the middle of the arena, no matter what I did with my hands, butt OR legs. So that's when I decided enough, let's go back to the last thing and end on a good note. We'll try again next time. Since we are still in cold weather, but not the biterly cold, we can go out and ride more often instead of just clean stalls and turn them out. So that's it. My horsey weekend.

No I have to get to reading some blogs because there are so many updates on my blog list that I see I haven't read yet!!

(forgot to title my..) Friday Funnies for Friday the 13th!

2009-02-13T08:07:00.002-05:00

I don't have any scary or superstitious funnies (are there any??) since today's Friday the 13th, so we'll just stick with funnies, how's that?? ohhh, maybe some valentines ones, yeah. You know, about loving husbands and wives. lol

The Black Bra

The other day I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went:

My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you. Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said…

"What's for dinner, Batman?"
(bet he got no valentines day lovin' after that!!)
_____________________________

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!"
____________________________
One Liners and sage advice

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband.

My wife and I always compromise; I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!"
The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"
She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"

A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish, too But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

Two women friends meet on the street, but they haven't seen each other for years. As they are talking one women notices that her friend has a 5 carat diamond ring, and says "My what a magnificent ring." Her friend relies, "Yes, it is, but unfortunately it comes with a curse. It comes with my husband!"

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
_____________________________

Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, 'I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition.'

The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance, 'What's your condition?'

Phil answered, 'Tell me your wish in just three words.'

There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address. She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, 'Clean my house.'
(ahhh, every woman's dream)
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A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine's Day night and sees a beautiful woman at the bar. After a long struggle with his shyness, he finally managed to walk over to her and asked her politely, "Um, would you mind if I give you company?" She made a furious face and yelled at the top of her lungs, "How dare you asked me to sleep with you tonight?" Everyone in the pub started staring at the man who was completely embarrassed. After a few minutes, woman walked over to him and apologized - "You see I am a student of psychology and studying how people respond to embarrassing situations. I am sorry but I was just doing my experiment!" The young man suddenly gave a loud yell, "What do you mean $200?"
______________________________
Signs Cupid has gone insane:

- Is on retainer to Pam Anderson.
- Traded in the diaper for leopard-skin Speedos.
- Thinks it’s funny to keep making Bill Clinton fall madly in love with himself.
- Recent Oreo binges making it impossible for tiny wings to support his bloated girth.
- Offering ‘special military discount’ to Army drill instructors.
- Shows up with an arrow through his head and shouts, ‘Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuse me!’
- He’s got three days of stubble, he’s waving a half-empty bottle of Everclear, and he’s up in a clock tower with a pink assault rifle, screaming about ‘that amateur Chuck Woolery.’
______________________________
(from the pages of Readers Digest)
The lingerie store where my aunt works was crowded with shoppers selecting Valentine's Day gifts for their wives. A young businessman came to the register with a lacy black negligee. My aunt noticed that the next customer, an elderly farmer, was holding a long flannel nightgown and kept glancing at the younger man's sexier choice. When it was his turn, the farmer placed the nightgown on the counter. "Would you have anything in black flannel?" He asked.
-- Contributed by Christine A. Pandolfo

My friend Mark and I work in a lawn-mower-parts warehouse. Somehow Mark got the idea that his wife did not want a card on Valentine's Day, but when he spoke to her on the phone he discovered she was expecting one. Not having time to buy a card on his way home, Mark was in a quandary. Then he looked at the lawn-mower trade magazines scattered around the office -- and got an idea. Using scissors and glue, he created a card with pictures of mowers, next to which he wrote: "I lawn for you mower and mower each day." Mark's wife loved it. The card immediately graced their refrigerator door.
-- Contributed by Gene Hyde
___________________________

ok, here's ONE funny for Friday the 13th.

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

Ok, not technically a specific for today joke, but hey, it works! lol

That's all for now. Go enjoy your kiddies and significant others (horses included), and if you don't have those, enjoy your peace and quiet!! Happy Valentines Day (early) and Friday the 13th. Have a LUCKY weekend!

Little man's birthday and what's in a name

2009-02-11T10:20:00.007-05:00

Ok, here are the pictures from last night. Don't judge me by anything you may see here!! lol

The first one is my favorite. I love the expression on his face. He was trying to let me take a picture of his star sticker on his shirt, so he was sticking his chest out. (before he ate)

This is him (after he ate) opening one of his Mr. Potato Head outfits. It's Chef Tater. Anything that we find that has Tater on it, we get, because it's not like John or Matt that you can find on anything. Unfortunately, it's usually Mr. Potato Head (Darth Tater. etc.) and accessories. So he's got a big collection of those. lol

This is him after my husband uncovered his eyes so he could see his Grave Digger monster truck cookie cake. He loved it!! I was so happy. I have made their cakes in the past. My mom was a professional cake decorator, and I learned how to do those fancy cakes with all the decorative trim, I just don't have the time!! If it was a weekend, sure, and I could have made it this weekend, but it's definitely a lot of work. Not that my kids aren't worth it mind you. But we all like the cookies too. (I would post a picture, but all the cakes I've done were before we got the digital camera, so I'll have to take a picture with the digital of a regular picture, lol)

This one is him before he opens his presents. He's always got that dang vest on. It's all cruddy because I figure you just toss it in the wash and it's good. NOT. It's real suede. On a kids vest!! He thinks it's his cowboy vest. So it has to be cleaned with leather cleaner only. grrr. Oh well, he's cute :)

This one is with his favorite present. I had gotten my step sons these remote control watch cars. The remote control is on the watch. well, that was like 6 years ago and they had never come back over for Christmas (looong story), so I still had them. It said 5 and older on the box, so I figured, here ya go Tater!! lol. I didn't figure he would have much interest or that he would even be able to figure it out. I guess I'm short changing him because he picked it up and away he went. It was the only thing he played with the whole night! lol

(yes, he has undies on :), he just prefers no pants. usually. And no blog post with the kids is ever complete without a butt shot!!)

So that's that. He had a good time. He even wore his crown again to school today. I tried taking it off, but he refused. We usually don't make big deals about birthdays (like big parties with lots of kids and all that jazz) so I figured the hat could stay. And of course his cowboy vest.

Miss Lisa (from Laughing Orca Ranch blog) asked me how we got his name and what our bigger man's name is. Little guy's full name is Tater Porter. Sound familiar to any of you rodeo (PBR) fans? Yeah. My husband, who used to be a bull rider, liked Tater Porter, THE bull rider, and when we were trying to pick out names, he came up with Tater. I said huh uh, no way on God's green earth am I going to name my little boy Tater. Guess who lost? lol, ME. I felt bad because this is my hubby's 4th child and he hadn't been "allowed" to pick out a single name for the other three. Us women just kind of take over when it comes to that sometimes I think. He had me convinced that the bull riders REAL name WAS Tater. I said what crazy mother would name their child Tater??? Yeah, hello, me again. After the signing of the birth certificate I found out that his real name is Dan Porter, of course. But in all honesty, we're a different sort of people, and the more we said it the more the name stuck and was kinda cute. AND (major factor here) I figured if there ever came a time where he didn't like his name (like a lot of teenage kids), he could shorten it to Tate. I hope he doesn't, and so far he's pretty proud of his name. We usually have problems with other people not wanting to call him Tater and them just automatically shortening it to Tate. He's sure to correct them loudly though. So that's what's in his name :)

Big brother is Lucas Keegan. They are both redheads and when I was looking for a middle name for the big one, I wanted something Irish. Luke was the name of an awesome friend I used to have (and a little crush on, shhh). Hubby didn't really like Kane, which was my other pick, so Keegan (which means little fiery one, and they BOTH were in utero) it was. And that's what's in a name for big one.

I'm feeling sooooo oooooold today

2009-02-10T14:42:00.004-05:00

My little baby boy turned 5 today. And I feel old!! It wasn't the turning 30 this year. That didn't bother me. (I still feel like I'm about 22, hehe) It's the having a baby who's now 5 and a big one who's going to be 8 (not to mention the 19 and 16 year old step boys). Oh well.

When Tater (yes, his real birth certificate-afied name) woke up and came to give me a hug this morning, I told him that at that exact moment (approximately 6:30 am) 5 years ago, his daddy and I were getting ready to be on our way to the hospital to have him. Grandpa came over to watch big brother who was crying because he wanted to go and "pick out" his little brother. lol!! I showed him the pictures that we took that morning. I was somewhat nice looking because I remembered being in labor with my older one for two days and looking quite frightful in all of my pictures! So I took a hot shower and did my hair and makeup for the second one so that I'd look a little more decent. So I had my big belly pictures out and then all the pictures of everyone who came to the hospital to see him. He absolutely loves to look at his baby pictures. And since I started scrapbooking, it makes it so easy to just open up and go from the start.

So that's the gist of it. He's 5 today. He's excited to be a big boy now. Here are his two cookie cakes. We get two, one for home and one for school, because there's no way there would be enough left over for everyone else if we only got one :))

Mmmmmm. They smell SO good sitting here in my office :) Wonder if he'd notice a few little nibbles off the edge. I can always tell him it came that way, a new scalloped edge style :)) When I called to order them, we decided monster trucks were a good bet because he's into those right now (we've always done horses, or cowboys or cowboy hat/boots, etc.). The lady had no idea there were different monster trucks when I asked if they could do grave digger and cowboy or outlaw. Those are my little guy's favorites. So we decided on grave digger and cowboy, but she didn't know what they looked like, so I just explained grave digger has neon green and bright purple designs and cowboy is black with like a neon blue lettering. I figured whatever she did would be fine, he's 5 and not too picky. And what you see above is what she came up with after looking online. It was great!!! I was so happy and I know he will be too :))

I'll post some more pictures on here when I can after I take some birthday pictures.

Question for today

2009-02-09T09:25:00.005-05:00

Here's my query for today. What are the top 5 things you would advise someone to study about horses? There is sooooo much information out there, where's one to start? I love my horses and every day in this blogging world I'm realizing more and more that I don't know squat about anything. lol I know the basics that mostly everyone else knows, but I don't really have any deep down knowledge about anything in particular. I love reading about genetics, even though I hardly know anything, and BrownEyed Cowgirls' several last posts are about genetics and genetically linked lethal conditions and from which great stallions they are linked to.

So my question to anyone who wants to or can answer (or heck, even ask YOUR questions, maybe someone can answer them), what do you think should people study first or where do you suggest should they begin? I know I'd like to know more about the genetic disorders, more about certain sires that were big and why, certain rules for specific disciplines, or certain other ailments like laminitis and colic. Then you have other areas like first aid. There's much much more. I don't really know where I should start though. I know it depends too on if you own and/or ride as well. Let's assume your suggestions are for someone like me, owner and rider :)) Maybe you have a good book, or a good website, or a good magazine or something. Let's hear it, I'd LOVE to know. I have read several training type books and breed books (more like an encyclopedia).

For my second question, I'm sure you all have 100 answers and yeppers to. Have you ever went ahead with something you knew probably wasn't a great idea, but went ahead and did it anyhow? Yeah, I knew it. We are finally having some nice, mild weather yesterday. It was about 40 yesterday and I was so excited to ride. We were going to let the girls out to run, but one of the draft horses was out there. The geldings got separated from the mares last summer after one of the draft horses (we have two) would keep chasing them around any time we wanted to go get them from the pasture. THEN, when the second drafty came, the two boys would sit there and try to fight over them. I finally had enough when they started in with each other like 5 feet away from this little human. I said uh uh, no more and told the barn owner either separate them, keep them in all day or we'd be gone, so he finally put the three girls all together, which is what he should have done from the start. The girls get along great. Well, my two have their issues, but it's mine, not someone else causing the problems with each other, so that's a little different. So back to my story about yesterday. The one draft, Tundra, who's an appy percheron mix, was already turned out. We couldn't remember him ever giving us trouble, it was usually the other one, inaptly named Angel, who's part Clydesdale and part dumb shit, that gave us the trouble. So we asked if she minded if we turned the girls out with him. She said she didn't have a problem if we didn't. Mistake!!! He was ok at first and it was the girls that were squealing and turning their butts towards him with their ears pinned back and hopping around. They don't like any of the boys. I think they are lesbians. Anyhow, it was the girls causing all the ruckus so we watched and they were ok for a little while. Well, my husband just happened to turn the one time and see Tundra kick out at them. He thought he heard contact (from that nice, newly shod draft hoof) with one of them. Yeppers. Turns out to be my girl, as usual. She's ALWAYS the one to get hurt. She has a huge patch of flesh showing on her right shoulder. It's like someone skinned her. No blood or anything, but a closely skinned patch. Grrrr. When I was grooming her, which is when I noticed it, she didn't flinch or anything when I was scrubbing with the curry rubber brush. Do horses flinch at things like that? She didn't react. Then I noticed it and felt bad. Does heat at an injury sight usually happen immediately or gradually? I tried feeling and compared the right with the left shoulder, but neither of them were particularly warmer than the other. I saddled her up and tried to ride. That was short lived. She was walking really stiff and only wanted to go to the left, which is usually her off side. So we only walked for about 5 minutes and I stopped torturing her. We told the barn owner what happened and he said she probably is bruised. Maybe a couple days off and she'll be ok. Big dumb draft horse. Stupid owners :)) I know that time it's our fault, we should have known better. So, once again, mare's out of commission.

Also, when I was grooming her rump area above her tail (yep, I need to study horse anatomy for sure!), she flinched and kind of danced forward, like I was tickling her. So I ran my hand over it, pushing down and she kept tucking her butt under (if that's the right way to describe it). I hope she's not out again already.

Friday, FRIDAY, Friday Funnies!!

2009-02-06T11:00:00.002-05:00

Enjoy!!

_______________________
Don't step on the ducks!!
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the
place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try
their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!'
____________________________
Rectum Deodorant
(you know it had to start with a blond)

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."

"But, I always buy it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.

"YES," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container........

"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM
_________________________
How to Shower

*How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hampers according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups, leg lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes or until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

*How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Fart once or twice and giggle.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.
____________________
And last, but certainly not least, Mrs. Mom made a post that gave me hysterial mental images, and I'm sure it will you too. So click here and get ready to laugh your socks off!!

Have a great Friday! And, "woo woo"!!!

New John Rich Song

2009-02-06T08:26:00.003-05:00

I don't know if anyone has heard it yet, but our local radio station played the new John Rich (currently from Big and Rich and formerly Lonestar) song called Shuttin Detroit Down for the first time this morning. Can I just say Oh. My. God. It sounds a little like a mix of Garth Brooks' Beaches of Cheyenne and a Toby Keith song about the war. Not poppy sounding at all. The song is so true and it's about time someone wrote about how ridiculous it is that the government is giving these big handouts to corporate companies while letting the farmers auction off their land. If you haven't heard it, try to find it online. It is awesome and touching. Very very good song. I happen to really like Big and Rich too :))

You can download it at his website, but that's itunes so you do have to buy it I believe. I'm sure you will be able to find a clip somewhere. Or heck, request it from your radio station :))

VanGogh's Ear Award

2009-02-05T15:26:00.003-05:00

I know, sounds a little demented, doesn't it?? lol It's cool though, it's a good thing!

Thanks so much to Melissa at Thousand Word Balance for this awesome award!!!

This is an award to give to blogs that are are making a difference in the blogosphere. Roger, its creator said, "We are all artists in are own way, be it art, photography, writing, philosophy, comedy, or blogging, and we all go a little crazy sometimes. But if you ever feel so crazy to cut off your ear and give it to a prostitute, "Seek Help"! Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else."

I've always loved that little line, "you're unique, just like everyone else." lol!! Anyhow, I got this blog for my little bits of humor I try to infuse in this serious world, so the first two blogs I'm giving this two are for that very reason, because they simply give me the snickers with certain animals and children of theirs: Mrs. Mom at Oh HorseFeathers and Lisa at Laughing Orca Ranch. Lisa's blog name says it all. I would love to give it to mugwump at Mugwump Chronicles, but I think she's pretty busy. She is a very very talented writer and artist and trainer. If you haven't already, you should check her out. Gosh, I have like 20 blogs that I read, do you really want me to list them all?? lol I think I'll list those three and please, check out any and all of the blogs on my list to the left because they all have their niche and spot on my blog for a reason.

Proud Aunt

2009-02-05T11:20:00.003-05:00

I just found out that a nephew of mine is graduating from his basic training (ROTC) this weekend and family that attends gets to sit up front because they are giving him a Sharpshooter award. This is a nephew, who unlike most of my generation and up that got to go to the farm and shoot target practice, really hasn't had a whole lot of gun experience. He's never really been around guns at all. But apparently every time he went to the range, he shot 40 out of 40. And now they want him to go to sniper school! My sister said yeah, but there are no jobs out there for snipers! Ummm, the FBI is hiring like 3000 people!! (I didn't want to mention the other types of side jobs he could have, let's keep THIS boy on the straight and narrow, lol) My dad told my nephew that he once shot 41 out of 40. What really happened was that the guy next to him shot his target once. LOL! My dad was also in the army and was a policeman, as is my brother now. I am so excited for my nephew. Let's just say that this sister's part of the family has never really had an easy time in life. I hope this gives him a good chance for a good job, maybe not easy, but a good one.

So here's to you dear nephew. Stay safe and we all love you bunches.

I feel fabuloso

2009-02-04T14:19:00.002-05:00

Miss Lisa over at Laughing Orca Ranch gave me a fancy little award for being Fabulous. Some might beg to differ, but since she's the one that gave it to me, I value HER opinion on that matter. lol

This award comes with the stipulation of listing 5 of your favorite addictions. Uh oh, don't take pictures!! (Michael Phelps reference) This is actually kind of hard!

So here goes:
1) Riding and/or grooming and/or just spending time with our horses
2) Junk food. Lots and lots of junk food! Any kind.
3) Scrapbooking
4) Watching tv (I know, not good)
5) Perusing through my list of blogs throughout the day instead of working (shh, don't tell the boss)

And I choose the following 5 bloggers to gift this award to:
Chelsi at Adventures of a Horse Crazed Mind
Browneyed Cowgirls
Mrs. Mom at Oh Horsefeathers
Melissa and Jason at Paradigm farms
and kwdhorses at Blackjack Land and Cattle Company

If you care to, join in and tell the blog world you are all fabulous. If not, at least we all know it here :)

A wonder

2009-02-03T09:11:00.005-05:00

So here's another one of my wonderous thoughts. What makes a horse's mane go on one side of their neck or the other?

Looking at my above avatar just now, because that's my absolute favorite picture and I love looking at the pretty side of my girl, I realized that her mane was on her right side. This picture was taken about 1 1/2 year ago. I think it used to be kind of split, the lower 1/3 was to the left and top 2/3 was to the right, but now it's all on the left side. I don't ever recall consciously trying to make it go to one side though. Hmmm. Here's a pic from last summer.

All completely on the left side. (and yeah, I have pulled my saddle back abit off her shoulders. I'd like to think I never rode like that, I don't think it was usually that far foward)

Ok, that was my thought. Just wondered if there was any real answer or if it will always be one of my unsolved ponderings :)

This past weekend my husband and I went out with our friends, who happen to be my trainer and his girlfriend who gives my son lessons. We had a hoot. We NEVER go out. Seriously, the last time we went out (like to eat with friends or the bar) without kids, was last spring. My dad is more than willing to watch our kids, but we think it's kind of tough for him since he's almost 70. He loves the boys, but they know exactly what they can get away with, if you know what I mean. He's whipped by the time the kids go to bed, or we come home, whichever is first. So we try not to ask him to babysit unless it's for something good. So anyhow, there was a comedian playing at a little rural towns little podunk bar and girlfriend asked if we wanted to go. We said sure, sounded like fun. My hubby was the DD because he hasn't drank alcohol since he had his gallbladder taken out last fall, so it was no big deal to him. The rest of us however, got kinda sloshed. I know my limit. I also only drink amaretto sours because I'm so not a beer person. Never have been. Last time our group went out last spring, I had 4 drinks before we even had dinner. But they were small glasses and restaurant weak. So trainer was making fun of me after I stopped at three drinks because my stomach was getting goofy and the room was tilting a little. I said these were kinda strong and I don't drink that much anyhow. He made sure to bring up that I drank like a fish when we went out last time. lol. I said these were stronger, but he said they weren't. Whatever.

Let me ask you all this. How are you when you drink, if you drink? We drink only a few times a year, and that's putting it mildly. We just aren't sit at home drinkers and we never get to go out, so we just don't drink. Let me put it this way. I have a bottle of amaretto from BEFORE my almost 5 year old was born. I bought it, then got pregnant, and there it sits. lol What kind of drunk are you if you drink enough to get drunk? My sister is a "lover" when she drinks. She gets very touchy feely with everyone. My trainer gets nice. Not that he's not nice when he doesn't drink, but he doesn't talk a whole lot and is kinda uptight, like not too sociable. But when he drinks, he starts talking like a normal friendly outgoing person. lol Their friend that went with us, who's a little older, gets a little, I don't know, nasty? She starts using words she would never use if not drunk. And she gets very social too, with anyone that will talk to her. And trainers girlfriend gets really funny and loud. Me? I'm a happy drunk. I sit there and smile and giggle at everything. In my head I'm thinking clearly (which is why I've never done anything totally stupid), but I get really quiet and just smile and laugh at everything and anything. One of my good friends who I used to go to the bar with all the time was an emotional wreck and mean when she drank. And let me tell you, she was about 120lbs soaking wet and could drink 15 bottles of bud light by herself. So what are you like when you drink?

Here's another thought, what do you think about drinkers and the things they do and say when they get drunk? Are you of the mind that when people are drunk they say what they are actually thinking? That when you are drunk you show your true hidden colors? I don't think that at all. I think that when you drink, you may say things that you are thinking when you normally wouldn't, but I don't think that it means you hide what you really are. I think you lose inhibition and control over what and how you would normally conduct yourself. So when people say or do stupid or outrageous things, I don't think it's necessarily that they hide how they feel normally. I don't know if any of that made sense. Hmmm, if I'm quiet and giggly when I'm drunk, maybe if I was drunk more often I would have a little more self control over my knee jerk reactions to everything.....lol. Just kidding. Oh, and on that note, I definitely saw some things I don't really think I've ever seen at any bars I've been to before. One girl was going around flashing everyone and letting everyone touch her boobs because they were "nice." lol I passed of course. I looked over at a little group chatting only to see them all looking down while one guy was letting his junk hang out. I was like AHH!!!! I was very surprised. I don't think I could ever get that drunk and uninhibited to let people see my goods. Ever. The most crazy thing I've ever done while drinking was attempt to dance to reggae music when I turned 21 and dance on speakers up in canada when I was 19. Me dancing is my uninhibitedness because this girl cannot dance. lol

My sincerest apologies..

2009-02-02T16:29:00.006-05:00

I hereby submit my apology to anyone who has a comment thing on their blog where you pick which form of blog you have to choose: comment as [select profile]. I simply cannot leave comments. I have no idea why. After I put in the little code word, it tells me I have "error on page" and it will not let me leave a comment. I tried at home and at work. I tried all the different methods for id's and I come up with nothing. I have to be the only person that has this problem. These are the blogs so far that I read that I cannot comment on, but I read regularly (or just found recently and will start reading regularly):

Melissa at Thousand Word Balance
20 Meter Circle of Life (and partner blog Viva Volte)
Debbie at Lifes Funny Like That
and
Pony Girl Rides Again

So, I'm really sorry, and if anyone has any idea of how to clue me in to fix this, I know other people have this same blog type as I do, so I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel really silly.

Friday Funnies!!!

2009-01-30T10:31:00.000-05:00

And now for THIS weeks......FRIDAY FUNNIES!!!!!! (Some are a little riskay, so cover your eyes if you are under 18 :))

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.' The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?'
The nun replied, 'He went that way.'

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said,
'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq .'
The nun said, 'I understand completely.'

The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'
The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a
great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either.'
__________________________________________
The Irish Drunk

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, 'Can I help you Sir?'

'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man replies.

The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw it?'

'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man, 'Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?'

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out....

'My girlfriend's gone, too!!
______________________________________________

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said; "Dave don't worry about it", you aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last, and you're single, just let it go."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering..........Dave..............you're a vet"

...ok, that was just wrong. lol
___________________________________________

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
________________________________

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother,
who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a half years old
and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken
among other injuries. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a
get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my
brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a
little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and
lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her
wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it
was 'just the cutest thing!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of
tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever
occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the
toilet?'
____________________________________

Ok, that's all for now folks!! Actually wait. I have something that's pretty funny here from one of our fellow bloggers. Reading and picturing the scene that Lisa over at Laughing Orca Ranch wrote about in their "goat herding" incident left me wiping my eyes because it was so funny. So in case you missed it, hop on over there and take a peep, because I tell you, you will get some jollies from that for sure!!

Have a great weekend!!

Speechless, which is a good thing for me

2009-01-30T08:39:00.003-05:00

Ok, did you all hear about that lady in CA who just had the 8 babies?? Everyone was excited for her and what a cool story yadda yadda because there's only one other set of living octuplets. UNTIL you find out she already has 6 other kids, she's single AND she lives with her parents. That makes 14 kids UNDER the age of 8. WOW. Is having 6 kids not enough when you are single?? To top that, she had fertility treatments in order to get pregnant again. Ok, anyone with common sense knows the chances of multiples with fertility treatments is high. Not only that, but she also has a set of twins. AND they told her she was having multiples and gave her the option of reducing the number of embryos. Without starting a major war, that is a persons personal choice and reducing embryos is either seen as killing your children or seen as not because they are not considered human yet. Me personally, I wouldn't do it, but wouldn't rag on someone who did. I also wouldn't have had fertility treatments after already having SIX kids!!!! And did I mention she was single???Sorry. That story is crazy. Who is paying for all those kids?? I hope her parents are well off, especially considering in an interview, her father mentioned "that media may have a tougher time finding the family after the babies are released from the hospital. 'We have a huge house, not here," said the man, who would only identify himself as Ed. "You are never going to know where it is.'" How nice for them. I'm sure the state will ultimately know because they will probably end up paying for all of those 14 kids when mom can't get a job because she's trying to raise the kids, all (however many there are) dads of said 14 kids are MIA and grandma and grandpa retire and run out of money. Yeah. I think he knew things were going to start going negative and judgmental when he made that comment.

Now saying what I just said there at the end brings me to why being speechless for me is probably a good thing. I tend to jump the gun on things, speak before I think, and open mouth, insert foot. Or any other cliche you can think of for talking when I probably have no room to. I posted yesterday about my irritations with the barn owner. Even though I was really just venting, I was venting before I found out the real info. So as it goes, we did finally see the barn owner and he did get sawdust. But only 1/2 a load which, with the way people DON'T pick their stalls and only strip them every time, will probably last a week max. We asked what was going on and he said they have the wood at the mill, but there are no orders. All of the businesses are down and have no orders because no one's building stuff and using the wood. So if no one's using the wood, it sits and there are no shavings or sawdust. He said they were going to try charging $1600 PER load. That's outrageous. He's been trying to call around, but apparently there just aren't that many places. I don't know what's going to happen. I hope to god he doesn't raise our board though. That will be hard as things are stretched as it is. I know it wouldn't be his fault though. I'm just glad we aren't at our prior barn. She ran out of sawdust CONSTANTLY because of her bad credit with them. I can only imagine how it is now unless she tells people they have to provide their own. And even then she's probably stealing theirs like she did everything else.

I digress. So once again, I talked before I asked questions. How do you control yourselves? lol Is there a course I can take for that?? I think I need to slow things down. Sometimes it's hard because emotions take over, I suppose. I am emotional in that way, that I jump to conclusions quick without finding out the true story. I would be a horrible reporter, except maybe for the Enquirer or something. What kind of person are you? Do you just explode or do you quietly think about things? For me, if something irks me, I will quietly stew about it and either explode if provoked, or more usually I just stew and let slide. Like with my husband. He's a talker. I'm not. I don't bottle stuff up or anything, things just don't bother me like they do him. And he hates it. He says stuff SHOULD bother me like it does him. I think we just deal with it different. With that being said, as I was just talking on the phone to one of our vendors, I realized that I act totally different if it doesn't affect me personally. With the BO, I was all huffy (in my head, not out loud) and was imagining everything was against ME, etc. But with making this call to the vendor for a supposed overdue bill, I didn't automatically assume they were trying to screw my work over. I just wondered what happened, so I called and nicely asked. Guess what? It was a system glitch, so no problem. I didn't have to get all wicked and mean ;) Why can't I do that with myself? Someday. I guess that will have to be a personal goal of mine. Stop and count to ten and maybe things will clear up.

Wednesdays Wonderings and Potpouri for $1000, Alex

2009-01-28T14:25:00.003-05:00

What a wonderous world it is that we live in, isn't it?? On so many levels. I laid awake last night, thanks to two cans of pop I had earlier in the day (smacking self on hand because I KNOW what happens when I drink pop after noon), thinking of just a bunch of miscellaneous things that are just weird. Do you think I could remember any of them at this point?? Of course not. So let me tell you about my irks right now instead. I'm going to vent. I know, that came out of left field, didn't it? But those were some of the thoughts going through this mind of mine last night on our way to the barn to have my first ride in over two weeks. The ride by the way went excellante. I was freaking thinking we were going to have a bonifide rodeo going, but I was pleasantly surprised. Grandpa watched the boys, so hubby and I got some quality alone time, hehe. Anyhow, my mare has not been rode in over two weeks and in fact has only been turned out to run in the indoor arena once in that time. She was jumping at everything on our way to and from the arena, so I had low expectations. But when I went out to ride, she didn't even move when I got on her. Normally she will try to start walking off and I have to keep stopping her until she lets me tell her to go. But she didn't last night. So that was a plus. AND, I think she has figured out that when she spooks, she doesn't need to dart around the arena. She spooked twice last night and she is starting to spook verticle and then freeze until I make her walk off. yay!! It's kind of funny actually and makes me laugh. So last night was a good night. I am a little worried about our little paint mare friend though. Since the cold weather started, she quit eating hay and started dropping weight. Fast. So she's down at Ohio State University and has been for over a week now and we haven't heard a word about what's going on with her. I hope she's ok. :( She's a little doll.

Here are my irks, these are all horse related right now. We are the only borders in our barn that have more than one horse. We are not difficult borders and we do not ask for special treatment. Board for two horses is not cheap. Here are my irks.
- We are out of sawdust. Irk one. So if we go buy our own, do we get that off board? No. "Things happen and the mill hasn't been open" the past couple times the b.o. has been out to get it. Ok, so if we are paying this board, which is supposed to include bedding, shouldn't the b.o. find an alternative supply?? I really don't mind getting out own as TSC is on the way, but 4 bales of sawdust is about $25. And we are paying board so that we don't have to worry about these little costs that add up. It sucks and we can't take it off board. Which takes me to my second irk.
- The b.o. put a note up on the board that he wants ALL board paid in cash from now on. ???? Do you know how hard it is to get $500 in cash?? Our atm has a daily limit. Our checks are direct deposited. We have a budget, which includes paying board by check, so that we don't have to visit the atm 3 days in a row for board alone. We have other things that need to be paid that we need cash for as well. I think it's a crock of shit. Why cash all of a sudden a year and 1/2 after we started there?? We've never bounced a check, and we've NEVER paid late. Not once on either of those. I have a feeling other people have though. So we are going to have to talk to the b.o. and let him know what an inconvenience it is. Is that bad? Should we just not care and I'm just making a big deal out of nothing?? I don't know what else to do though. There just aren't very many boarding barns around here with an indoor AND outdoor arena and lots of space to ride (since we don't have a trailer, yet) and it's really not a BAD place. If he's trying to make it so that he doesn't have to claim it as income for his business to pay taxes, wtf, it's not like we give him 1099's or something. I could care less what he does with our money once it leaves our hands as long as we are getting what we pay our board for!! grrr. Ok, that irk was part of this next one.
- The notes on the board. We are seeing the b.o. less and less it seems, and there are more and more notes on the board. He's not a shy man by any means, so why the notes? Why not try to make face to face contact with the boarders on decisions like these? That way, if there are questions, no one is stewing, (or gossiping as the case usually is) but they can be addressed right then and there. I just don't know.

Ok this irk has nothing to do with the barn, but my hubby. I love him, I really do. But he makes comments sometimes that make me want to smack him upside the head as hard as I can to try to knock some sense into him to see if he knows what he's saying. He said this to me last night. "You know, if we weren't paying $500 a month in board for these horses, we could afford a house sooner." Like what, we are supposed to sell our horses (or give the one back to the rescue) just temporarily so we can do "things"???? How about you find a better paying job??? How about you quick frequenting 7-11?? How about we give up these gps units that are mislabeled as cell phonoes??? How about we cut out cable??? He makes me so mad when he makes comments about that because it's like he just doesn't care and they are "things" you can just throw away and who cares. He makes comments about our dogs like that too. He doesn't like our blue heeler because she barks too much. He likes her other than that, but he just wants to "get rid of her" because she's annoying and barks too much. I'm like, I'm sorry, but when I take on an animal, ANY animals, it's till one of us dies. I'm a pet lifer. Now I will say that we did have to give back our gelding Chip to the rescue we got him from and the reasons were two fold. We could just not afford board for three horses because our circumstances had drastically changed from when we had adopted him to when we had to give him back. The choice was NOT easy. We chose him as the one to not keep because he was dangerous. He was very unpredictable and would be fine one day and buck my sorry butt off the next. And when he bucked, it wasn't just a little "I-don't-feel-like-working-today" buck, it was more of a "you-are-NOT-riding-me-today-and-there-will-be-no-if-ands-or-buts-about-it" type buck. It had meaning. Now if we had known the joys of chiropractors back then and could have afforded it, maybe things would be different. But that boy had issues. And the other reason we chose him instead of my mare (who at that point was still crazy and wildly unbroke) was that he was going back to the rescue. We didn't have to worry if he would be at the next auction slaughter bound or if he would be starving in some field or being abused. We felt horrible and I cried forever because he really was super sweet. Except for that, I refuse to just "get rid" of an animal just because someone's tired of it, or whatever. So his comments are just really irritating. They usually follow with "and then we can get" another horse, dog, whatever. Uh no. I've told him if we get rid of something, it will be a looooooooong time before we make the decision to get another one. If one dies, that's different. And no, we don't go around just offing our animals. lol Much to my husband's chagrin, they usually live long. Like our goldfish. lol

So those are my gripes for the day. And maybe tonight, as I'm laying awake looking at shadows, waiting for some mystical figure to appear to me, I will write down what crazy things cross my mind so that I can share then with you tomorrow. :)) Have a nice night all. We got about 6 inches of snow overnight so we are staying home and being cozy :))

Friday Funnies

2009-01-23T13:00:00.000-05:00

I know last week, someone had already seen the funnies in my post, and that's ok. They do say that if you know 6 people, you know the world, and that's definitely seems to be true with email jokes. They get recycled over and over and over. I'm definitely not going to deny that many of my funnies that I will be posting come from email forwards. I am re-posting them just in case you miss the joy that I've gotten. As I said before, EVERYONE can use some funny in their life. Of course, some of these blogs of our buddies already provide endless entertainment courtesy of our furry friends and little chitlins. But I want to contribute too, so here are this weeks, Friday Funnies......

Always check your child's homework!

Note sent the next school day with 1st grader...

Dear Ms Davis,
That is not a dance pole on stage in a strip joint! ...I work at Home Depot, ...that's me selling a shovel.
Mrs. Smith
_________________________________________________________________
(This is one of my personal favorites)

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his
patients (predominately male) while he was performing their
colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone
before!"

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11 "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."

And now the best one of them all...

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up
there."
_______________________________________________________

Pudding Surprise

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.

The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.

Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."

The next day, while listening to the news they hear:"Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people....."
____________________________________________________________
A Biker Bar

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.

He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: 'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'

The biker 's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says...............

'Grandpa,.... Go home, you're drunk.'

_______________________________________________________________________________
One day, 3 men rushed their wives into the Emergency Room for labor.

After a while, the doctor came out and said, "Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith, are you here?"

"Yes doctor, im right here," he said anxiously.

"Great news," explained the doctor, "Twins!"

"Wow, that's great, because I work for the DoubleMint company."

About 5 minuter later, the doctor came out and yelled, "Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones, are you hear?"

"I'm right year Doc," he said.

"Mr. Jones, great news, triplets!"

"Spectacular!" he said. "Because I work for 3M."

A while later, the doctor came out again and said, "Mr. Ford, Mr. Ford, are you here?"

"Right here docta," he said.

"Wonderful news! It's-"

"Wait a minute!" the man said."I ain't stickin' around for this! I work at the 7-11"

Ba-dun-cha. (Don't know how else to type that drum rif, lol) That's all for now folks. Hope you had a few laughs. Have a great weekend!!

Four from Four and Drink Some More

2009-01-20T12:38:00.016-05:00

My good blog buddy Mrs Lisa over at Laughing Orca Ranch spotted me a couple of nifty award and challenge things today.

The first is the photo file challenge. I believe that I'm supposed to pick the fourth photo in my forth photo file. Let's see what we have here.

I should have cheated and posted something better, but this is a perfect example of my non-existant photography skills. My mom was a wonderful photographer. I obviously take after my dad. lol This is a picture of my hubby (the tallest in the center with a tan hat, if you can see it) giving our older son his badge in the end of the year Boy Scout ceremonies when they are going from Tiger Cub to become, I believe, a Bobcat. In any case, not the greatest picture, but a fun memory. Lisa also said I could do 6th picture from 6th file and 8th picture from 8th file, so let's see what those are.

Of course this one above just had to be a lovely picture including myself at my best. My 6th folder is Christmas 2006 and the 6th picture is of me, in all my early Christmas morning glory, helping my younger son, who was 2 years old, fill a PEZ dispenser his lovely aunt gave him for Christmas. You KNOW candy outweighs ANY cool Christmas toy ever. lol!! So yeah, another great picture courtesy of moi. Let's see what 8 in 8 brings. (covering my eyes)

Ok, now we're a bit too bright. lol Of course my folders are in alphabetical order, so if I had Christmas 2006 for my 6th file, what just might be two later? Right, Christmas 2008. This is a picture of my boys in front of the finished tree. You're lucky it wasn't the 10th picture or you would have seen this:

Most of my pictures tend to look like that because the boys are NEVER serious. and in

damn. Blogger didn't save and cut off the rest of my post and now I don't remember what I wrote :(( grrrr I'll try my best.

Now for the part I'll bet you were wondering about, DRINKING!!! lol Non alcoholic this time, but both Lisa and now I see Mrs. Mom tagged me for the Lemonade Stand Award.

This award is for bloggers who show Great Attitude/Gratitude:
1. Post the picture
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs which show Great Attitude and/or Gratitude.
3. Link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Link this post to the person from who you received your award.

I LOVE the game Lemonade Stand. Anyone ever play that? Anyone?? Ok, I used to have it on my, get this, my Commodore 64. Do you know what that is?? lol It's an ancient computer. My mom had won the lottery once and won enough to get a computer, so that's what we got. And I had Lemonade Stand for it. I liked that boring game so much I actually bought it online for my computer here at work!! lol.

Ok, so now I'm going to take Adventures of a Horse Crazed Mind's lead, and since I believe everyone whose blog I read has gotten this award, because they are so awesome, at this time I invite you to check out the blogs that I read that are listed to your left. You will find some very fine ladies who have both great attitude and gratitude for the many wonderful things and animals in their lives.

Love you all!!