Friday, FRIDAY, Friday Funnies!!

Enjoy!!










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Don't step on the ducks!!
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the
place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try
their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!'
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Rectum Deodorant
(you know it had to start with a blond)

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."

"But, I always buy it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.

"YES," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container........

"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM
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How to Shower

*How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hampers according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups, leg lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes or until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


*How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Fart once or twice and giggle.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.
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And last, but certainly not least, Mrs. Mom made a post that gave me hysterial mental images, and I'm sure it will you too. So click here and get ready to laugh your socks off!!

Have a great Friday! And, "woo woo"!!!

New John Rich Song

I don't know if anyone has heard it yet, but our local radio station played the new John Rich (currently from Big and Rich and formerly Lonestar) song called Shuttin Detroit Down for the first time this morning. Can I just say Oh. My. God. It sounds a little like a mix of Garth Brooks' Beaches of Cheyenne and a Toby Keith song about the war. Not poppy sounding at all. The song is so true and it's about time someone wrote about how ridiculous it is that the government is giving these big handouts to corporate companies while letting the farmers auction off their land. If you haven't heard it, try to find it online. It is awesome and touching. Very very good song. I happen to really like Big and Rich too :))

You can download it at his website, but that's itunes so you do have to buy it I believe. I'm sure you will be able to find a clip somewhere. Or heck, request it from your radio station :))

VanGogh's Ear Award

I know, sounds a little demented, doesn't it?? lol It's cool though, it's a good thing!

Thanks so much to Melissa at Thousand Word Balance for this awesome award!!!

This is an award to give to blogs that are are making a difference in the blogosphere. Roger, its creator said, "We are all artists in are own way, be it art, photography, writing, philosophy, comedy, or blogging, and we all go a little crazy sometimes. But if you ever feel so crazy to cut off your ear and give it to a prostitute, "Seek Help"! Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else."

I've always loved that little line, "you're unique, just like everyone else." lol!! Anyhow, I got this blog for my little bits of humor I try to infuse in this serious world, so the first two blogs I'm giving this two are for that very reason, because they simply give me the snickers with certain animals and children of theirs: Mrs. Mom at Oh HorseFeathers and Lisa at Laughing Orca Ranch. Lisa's blog name says it all. I would love to give it to mugwump at Mugwump Chronicles, but I think she's pretty busy. She is a very very talented writer and artist and trainer. If you haven't already, you should check her out. Gosh, I have like 20 blogs that I read, do you really want me to list them all?? lol I think I'll list those three and please, check out any and all of the blogs on my list to the left because they all have their niche and spot on my blog for a reason.

Proud Aunt

I just found out that a nephew of mine is graduating from his basic training (ROTC) this weekend and family that attends gets to sit up front because they are giving him a Sharpshooter award. This is a nephew, who unlike most of my generation and up that got to go to the farm and shoot target practice, really hasn't had a whole lot of gun experience. He's never really been around guns at all. But apparently every time he went to the range, he shot 40 out of 40. And now they want him to go to sniper school! My sister said yeah, but there are no jobs out there for snipers! Ummm, the FBI is hiring like 3000 people!! (I didn't want to mention the other types of side jobs he could have, let's keep THIS boy on the straight and narrow, lol) My dad told my nephew that he once shot 41 out of 40. What really happened was that the guy next to him shot his target once. LOL! My dad was also in the army and was a policeman, as is my brother now. I am so excited for my nephew. Let's just say that this sister's part of the family has never really had an easy time in life. I hope this gives him a good chance for a good job, maybe not easy, but a good one.

So here's to you dear nephew. Stay safe and we all love you bunches.

I feel fabuloso

Miss Lisa over at Laughing Orca Ranch gave me a fancy little award for being Fabulous. Some might beg to differ, but since she's the one that gave it to me, I value HER opinion on that matter. lol


This award comes with the stipulation of listing 5 of your favorite addictions. Uh oh, don't take pictures!! (Michael Phelps reference) This is actually kind of hard!

So here goes:
1) Riding and/or grooming and/or just spending time with our horses
2) Junk food. Lots and lots of junk food! Any kind.
3) Scrapbooking
4) Watching tv (I know, not good)
5) Perusing through my list of blogs throughout the day instead of working (shh, don't tell the boss)

And I choose the following 5 bloggers to gift this award to:
Chelsi at Adventures of a Horse Crazed Mind
Browneyed Cowgirls
Mrs. Mom at Oh Horsefeathers
Melissa and Jason at Paradigm farms
and kwdhorses at Blackjack Land and Cattle Company

If you care to, join in and tell the blog world you are all fabulous. If not, at least we all know it here :)

A wonder

So here's another one of my wonderous thoughts. What makes a horse's mane go on one side of their neck or the other?


Looking at my above avatar just now, because that's my absolute favorite picture and I love looking at the pretty side of my girl, I realized that her mane was on her right side. This picture was taken about 1 1/2 year ago. I think it used to be kind of split, the lower 1/3 was to the left and top 2/3 was to the right, but now it's all on the left side. I don't ever recall consciously trying to make it go to one side though. Hmmm. Here's a pic from last summer.



All completely on the left side. (and yeah, I have pulled my saddle back abit off her shoulders. I'd like to think I never rode like that, I don't think it was usually that far foward)

Ok, that was my thought. Just wondered if there was any real answer or if it will always be one of my unsolved ponderings :)

This past weekend my husband and I went out with our friends, who happen to be my trainer and his girlfriend who gives my son lessons. We had a hoot. We NEVER go out. Seriously, the last time we went out (like to eat with friends or the bar) without kids, was last spring. My dad is more than willing to watch our kids, but we think it's kind of tough for him since he's almost 70. He loves the boys, but they know exactly what they can get away with, if you know what I mean. He's whipped by the time the kids go to bed, or we come home, whichever is first. So we try not to ask him to babysit unless it's for something good. So anyhow, there was a comedian playing at a little rural towns little podunk bar and girlfriend asked if we wanted to go. We said sure, sounded like fun. My hubby was the DD because he hasn't drank alcohol since he had his gallbladder taken out last fall, so it was no big deal to him. The rest of us however, got kinda sloshed. I know my limit. I also only drink amaretto sours because I'm so not a beer person. Never have been. Last time our group went out last spring, I had 4 drinks before we even had dinner. But they were small glasses and restaurant weak. So trainer was making fun of me after I stopped at three drinks because my stomach was getting goofy and the room was tilting a little. I said these were kinda strong and I don't drink that much anyhow. He made sure to bring up that I drank like a fish when we went out last time. lol. I said these were stronger, but he said they weren't. Whatever.

Let me ask you all this. How are you when you drink, if you drink? We drink only a few times a year, and that's putting it mildly. We just aren't sit at home drinkers and we never get to go out, so we just don't drink. Let me put it this way. I have a bottle of amaretto from BEFORE my almost 5 year old was born. I bought it, then got pregnant, and there it sits. lol What kind of drunk are you if you drink enough to get drunk? My sister is a "lover" when she drinks. She gets very touchy feely with everyone. My trainer gets nice. Not that he's not nice when he doesn't drink, but he doesn't talk a whole lot and is kinda uptight, like not too sociable. But when he drinks, he starts talking like a normal friendly outgoing person. lol Their friend that went with us, who's a little older, gets a little, I don't know, nasty? She starts using words she would never use if not drunk. And she gets very social too, with anyone that will talk to her. And trainers girlfriend gets really funny and loud. Me? I'm a happy drunk. I sit there and smile and giggle at everything. In my head I'm thinking clearly (which is why I've never done anything totally stupid), but I get really quiet and just smile and laugh at everything and anything. One of my good friends who I used to go to the bar with all the time was an emotional wreck and mean when she drank. And let me tell you, she was about 120lbs soaking wet and could drink 15 bottles of bud light by herself. So what are you like when you drink?

Here's another thought, what do you think about drinkers and the things they do and say when they get drunk? Are you of the mind that when people are drunk they say what they are actually thinking? That when you are drunk you show your true hidden colors? I don't think that at all. I think that when you drink, you may say things that you are thinking when you normally wouldn't, but I don't think that it means you hide what you really are. I think you lose inhibition and control over what and how you would normally conduct yourself. So when people say or do stupid or outrageous things, I don't think it's necessarily that they hide how they feel normally. I don't know if any of that made sense. Hmmm, if I'm quiet and giggly when I'm drunk, maybe if I was drunk more often I would have a little more self control over my knee jerk reactions to everything.....lol. Just kidding. Oh, and on that note, I definitely saw some things I don't really think I've ever seen at any bars I've been to before. One girl was going around flashing everyone and letting everyone touch her boobs because they were "nice." lol I passed of course. I looked over at a little group chatting only to see them all looking down while one guy was letting his junk hang out. I was like AHH!!!! I was very surprised. I don't think I could ever get that drunk and uninhibited to let people see my goods. Ever. The most crazy thing I've ever done while drinking was attempt to dance to reggae music when I turned 21 and dance on speakers up in canada when I was 19. Me dancing is my uninhibitedness because this girl cannot dance. lol

My sincerest apologies..

I hereby submit my apology to anyone who has a comment thing on their blog where you pick which form of blog you have to choose: comment as [select profile]. I simply cannot leave comments. I have no idea why. After I put in the little code word, it tells me I have "error on page" and it will not let me leave a comment. I tried at home and at work. I tried all the different methods for id's and I come up with nothing. I have to be the only person that has this problem. These are the blogs so far that I read that I cannot comment on, but I read regularly (or just found recently and will start reading regularly):

Melissa at Thousand Word Balance
20 Meter Circle of Life (and partner blog Viva Volte)
Debbie at Lifes Funny Like That
and
Pony Girl Rides Again

So, I'm really sorry, and if anyone has any idea of how to clue me in to fix this, I know other people have this same blog type as I do, so I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel really silly.