Friday, August 28, 2009

Some Friday Funnies to brighten the weekend

Wow. This week in the blog world seems to be very dark. It seems like on every blog, someone (or animal)has gotten hurt, or there has been a loss of some sort. So here are some funnies that I hope will bring even a little smile to someone's lips.

The Candy with the Holes in the Middle

The children began to identify the flavors by their color:

Orange .................Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None
of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room!

Great Ride

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'

Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'.

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old.

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'

How about some humor about some politicians now.

A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2 I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but
Capetown is in Massachusetts .''

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, '' Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa ''

his response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada?''

I said, ''No.''

She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'

He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane.

She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''

I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''

'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.

After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."

''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''

The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!

Could anyone be this DUMB?

I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration. Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.

Hope everyone has a good weekend and better week next week.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

And the winner is.......

.....Miss Lisa at Laughing Orca Ranch!!!! By default of being the only one to attempt to answer, but also for getting a wonderful 11 answers right, thank you Lisa for being a sport and attempting my quiz. Just let me know which prize you'd like to claim and I will attempt to get it to you asap.

Here are the answers:

1. 8

2. 2 horses, 3 dogs and 3 fish (I forgot I never posted about the black algae eater we acquired a few months back).

3. Our 161 lb mastiff/akita's nickname is....big dog

4. Favorite breed - good answer Lisa, I've always liked Fjords too

5. ezra_pandora for my google name, and basically all my email addresses too, was from my first dog, a chow/boarder collie mix. We were playing with her at the humane society when she was a puppy and I had to have her. Ezra just popped into my head, even though it's a boys name, although I argue because aside from Joshua and a few other biblical names, I don't think there are hardly any boys names compared to the endless girls names that end with "a" or the "uh" sound. Contrary to popular belief, she was NOT named after the band Better Than Ezra, which I had not heard of at the time. Anyhow. I decided to give her a middle name and pandora's box was always my favorite mythology tale. So there you have it!

6. Sonny's Hot and Sassie

7. A purple knitted hat (from Lisa) and Ouchies (from Funky Monkey), and English Toffee

8. A dapple gray angel horse

9. Two. A Black Widow and my Paint Horse mare

10. My 57 Cadillac

11. I posted around last Halloween about some of the scary or ESP or ghostly experiences that have happened in my family from my grandma dreaming of my uncle's death, to a light in our living room turning on, to toys turning on in my boys' bed to the rocking chair in my mom's room moving across the room.

12. Sharp Shooter Award for his astounding sniper skills

13. Las Vegas at the Little Church of the West

14. everyone knows you're from Ohio if you go to the Cracker Barrel in the South and order toast.

15. A Picture is worth 1000 words in this case:

Isn't that a beauty?? Aren't the Percherons absolutely breathtaking? I love them so much. We went to the free fair this past weekend and the barn owner's son was asked to drive the horse drawn hearse with two of their black Percheron in the parade. Then a little later in the parade was the barn owner in a Shriner carriage with two more black Percheron.

Before that parade, I didn't know the barn owner was a Shriner and has been for 48 years, I believe he said. In the 2 hour parade, over 1/2 the parade was Shriner's from all over the country. I'm going to do a separate post because I never knew too much about Shriners, but I'll go into that when I post about the parade. Some neat stuff in there.

So there you have it! The answers to my insignificant little post that Lisa was kind enough to try to answer and win herself a prize for my 100th post :) But she hasn't told me yet what she would like, so I'm waiting for that :)

Thursday, August 13, 2009

100 Posts...and maybe a prize

I cannot believe I've made it to 100 posts and have had almost 2000 visits. Whoda thunk I could have anything interesting to say? Not me, that's for sure. I'd like to thank Mrs. Mom for getting me into this fine mess. I wouldn't give up my blogging experience for the world. I will say that I've met some really cool people and thankfully no nasty ones (at least not directed to me personally) yet. Between advice, help and some laughs, it's been a great experience.

So in celebration of my 100 posts about the wacky wonders that go through my mind, and those nice enough to attempt to follow, I'd like to offer a little quiz with the end result being a little gift. I have in mind to let the winner pick one of three things I may have to offer. One is homemade, the other two are not, but delicious all the same.

So without further ado, here are the rules. I have 15 questions and all but 2 of the answers can be found somewhere in the 100 posts on my blog. The winner will be the first person to answer all 15 questions right. If by chance no one gets all 15 right, then the person who gets the most right wins. If by chance more than one person gets the same number right and there is a tie, I may consider using just the first person who got the highest number, or I might do two prizes. If it gets to be more than two, then I'll just have to do a drawing of the people who tied for the highest number. Sound fair? If not, let me know, 'cause I'm all about trying to be fair.

Last Rule: The cutoff for answers will be Monday, August 17, 2009 at midnight. (midnight as in between Mon. and Tues., just to clarify)

Here goes:

1. How many pets do I CURRENTLY have? (clue - the side bar is NOT current)

2. What are they?

3. What is the nickname we've given our dog, the Mastiff/Akita?

4. What is your favorite breed of horse and why?

5. What is your best guess at why I chose my google name of ezra_pandora.

6. What is my paint mare's registered name?

7. What 3 gifts/prizes have I gotten/won from online blogs and from whom?

8. What tops my Christmas tree?

9. How many tattoos do I have and what are they?

10. What big ticket item did I once buy at a flea market?

11. Briefly describe my one my(or my family's) ghostly experiences.

12. What award did my nephew receive when he graduated from the Army ROTC?

13. Where did I get married?

14. How will everyone know you're from Ohio if you go to the Cracker Barrel in the South?

and last but certainly not least....

15. What do I want used in my funeral procession?

There you have it. Best wishes, I now need to go back through again and write down MY answers, lol!! To make if fair, I'm hiding reader comments until it's over so that way there's no "sharing" answers. lol If there are any issues or questions on rules, I will put a little addition to the bottom of the post with some ***'s by it so you know that's new. But I think I covered everything pretty good.

Ok, Ok. Do you want to know prizes? I wanted to keep it a secret, but then maybe no one would want to participate in my evil fun, so I'll tell you. The winner will have their choice of one of the following: A) 6 scrapbook pages (3- 2 page layouts) ready to just add pictures to, tailor made to what I know from you and your blog, if you have one, and after asking you a few questions. If you don't have a blog, then I may make something up after asking you a few questions; B) A box of Toffee from none other than English Toffee Anytime (deeeelishis) or lastly C) Some sort of either chocolate dipped fruit or a small edible fruit arrangement from I will tell you that if you choose prize C, it is dependent on your location. So that option may not be available. But we can see.

So, have fun!!! I'll be back next Tuesday or Wednesday with the results.

Monday, August 10, 2009

So much for plans!

I HAD planned last week on posting pictures of lead line and the zoo and all that good stuff. I ended up getting too busy that I don't even remember what I did last week before Thursday!! lol

Thursday we went to the zoo for 6 hours. My dad's little neighbor boy was begging my dad to take him to the zoo and my boys had been begging me, so I decided that was a fine idea. We went and got there right before the zoo opened so we got in line first. It was pretty uneventful. All I know is that apparently 6 hours on your feet and kids are STILL not worn out!! Even with letting them run and play on the playground for 1/2 hour while I crashed on the bench! Ahhh, to be an energetic kid again.

Our zoo is like #5 in the country I believe. It seems each year they are building something new. In June they opened a new kids discovery center. It's not quite like the old petting zoo they built it over, not as many animals to interact with, but it's just like the name says, a discovery center. It's definitely kid oriented for kids to understand and hands on with stuff.

Here are some pictures I took. I took over 100 I think, but I'm surely not going to sit here all day putting them up and I know you all don't want to see every last one of them! I did take pictures of name plaques though too to make sure I knew what to label the animals when I'm doing my scrapbook pages.

When you go into the zoo and over the bridge, this is at the bottom of the stairs. My boys are in the middle, my dad on the right and his neighbor boy Spencer on the left. Our zoo has 2 polar bears and there were supposed to be 2 cubs born I believe 2 years ago. We didn't see the cubs, and I'm not really sure if they are still there or if they have already been farmed out. I believe they are still at our zoo though.

Then we went over to the bears, tigers and penguin area. They were feeding the penguins and we got to see that which was neat. Then through the wooden fence behind the penguins one of the white lions was roaring. Everyone ran over to the tall fence to peek through try to catch a glimpse of it. I found a nice little space and got this picture.

Isn't he just breathtaking? There are only 50 white lions worldwide. The Toledo and Cincinnati Ohio Zoos are the only two U.S. Zoos to exhibit Sigfried and Roy's Timbavati white lions.

When we ventured over to the ape and monkey enclosures, all of the big gorillas were outside in their enclosures. This big daddy silver back gorilla was hanging out in a v-shape portion of the glass separator. He had been looking off and over to his left, so I just bid my time and as soon as he looked over in our direction, right at us, I snapped the picture. A guy behind me was quite impressed with the shot, lol.

When went through the part of the zoo with rhinos, camels, and elephants, I got pictures of our female elephant and her 6 year old son, who will be forever called "baby" Louie. They were just starting to eat their breakfast. The zoo puts their treats and meals in items so that they have to work for them for enrichment. Here Louie is trying to get some apples and stuff out of a hanging tire and barrel at the top of a pole. They also had 3 or 4 big tires stacked at the bottom of the pole that the elephants had to lift with their trunk or foot to get the food from.

Here's a picture of one of the two rhinos they had just let out of the indoor enclosure.

They are actually building an entire new HUGE enrichment enclosure for the elephants. It's due to be finished in November of this year. I can't wait to go see that.

After we went to the zoo on Thursday, we went to the fair at the county below ours with my trainer and my friend who is his girlfriend. She's really giving me lessons as I need them now, so I really don't have a trainer so to speak any more. I didn't get any pictures because we were only there for about 3 hours. We walked through animal barns and got to see the little piglet races. That was fun. In the horse barn we ran into EVERYONE it seemed like. Some people we used to board with when we first got our horses. Our current barn owner. They were grand marshalls of the fair because they have the big 8 horse all black Percheron hitch. They are really really involved in the fair each year.

That was thursday. Then friday morning I had my second interview for the job I interviewed at the week before. I think it went really well, but I won't hear anything until next week because the first attorney is on vacation until next week. I really really hope I get it. Cross your fingers for me because my husband got laid off Friday as well. Thankfully, since he is going to school, unemployment doesn't require him to have to find a job, but with me not working, one of us HAS to get a job soon. It should be me so that he can finish school and get good grades as he has to go to 4 days during the week beginning in January. Ideally we BOTH should get jobs, but since he's going to school, I would be ok if he found something maybe part time, like nights or weekends.

After I was done with my interview, my cousin had wanted to do something, so we went back down to the fair since the boys didn't get to ride any rides the night before. They rode rides, played a few games and we walked around a little. After we went home, it was time for the first night of the family reunion!! My mom was one of 5 kids and each year for the past 10 years, we've had a family reunion with all the immediate family, like my aunts and uncles and all us cousins. The family has since grown from about 25 people to about 45 or so with all the cousins spouses and OUR kids now. lol It's quite a sight. When it first started, they didn't want the normal, get together and eat and talk reunion. No. We go all out and it's a 3 day event. And when I say event, I mean event with games and prizes and a trophy at the end. lol Friday night is always a cook out and then an UNO tournament. We start out with about 5 tables of 8 people (not everyone plays because of kids or other stuff) and then it finally whittles down to one table of 5 people. The first year it lasted until like 2 in the morning. We've since gotten the swing of it and this year it ended around 9 or so. lol WE don't mess around anymore because we have to get up early and we all meet at a park at 9 am the next morning for a nice game of LOSER. LOSER is like PIG, but with more letters and 40 people playing. That basically takes up most of the morning until we have lunch. My one uncle's mother-in-law makes a nice HUGE lunch for all of us. This year there was subs, deviled eggs, fried chicken, and other various side dishes. Yum yum.

After lunch, we play an assortment of events like corn hole (each person throws 8 bags and various points are assigned and however many points you get, you are then placed in an order as to who won) and golf (you hit 4 balls and the closes ball is measured a distance from a pole and you are assigned points based on how close you got). The whole weekend is based on points. Like for UNO, the very last person standing gets the most points. The first people out from each table are given 0's. The idea of the weekend is to win each even and accumulate the highest number of points over all to win the trophy. Two years ago, I didn't win a single even, but placed high enough in each event that I won the trophy. So far in 10 years I'm the only female to win :)) The last two events each saturday at the obstacle course and 3 rounds of water balloon toss. Then we all wake up SUPER early Sunday morning for a big breakfast (dinner friday and breakfast sunday are made in my uncles driveway made in electric skillets and camp grills) from 7 am to 8:30 am and then awards are presented. We do it so early because we have family as far away as NC and Oklahoma that have to get back that day and they have looooon drives.

So, that my time from last thursday till yesterday. Imagine why I can't remember what all happened before that!!

Oh, yeah, and saturday after the family reunion my husband's oldest son (19) brought over his fiance (18) and we got to meet her :)

She's super cute. We took them out to dinner and then went to the barn to ride. They rode Sis, our old girl. My stupid horse (or should I say stupid me, lol) reared up and we fell over, again. You would think I would learn from all the other times that if she starts bucking and is prancy when I get on, that something is wrong and I need to fix it. The wires in my brain that controls my thought process are not letting this sink in. I keep thinking oh, she's just being stupid and that if I can stay on long enough, she'll quit it. NOT. And she never will. Here is the result:

Yeah, that's my knee. And I don't think it's even as dark of a bruise as it's going to get. As we were falling, I attempted to pull my leg out so that it wouldn't get crushed and some part of the saddle hit my knee. I cross myself and thank my lucky stars that nothing worse has happened and wonder when am I going to freaking learn that I need to just get off and try fix what's wrong?? My hubby said it looked like she was just trying to scramble away from me as we were falling back, and thankfully she doesn't run off once she gets me off. I really need to start listening to her. I think all it was, was that my saddle was about an inch further back than it normally was, and I didn't pull the saddle pad up under the cantle away from her withers like I normally do and it might have been pinching her. That's all I adjusted and she was fine after that. She's so touchy. Mares.

Ok, I'll save the beach, lead line and talking about old, old, old pictures that my dad brought over for me to see for my 100th post. Can you believe it?? Maybe I'll save those for my 101st post and do something special for a 100th post. hmmm, I'll have to think on that. Maybe some kind of little quiz about stuff in some of my posts. hehe.

Enjoy your day. HOT and MUUUUUUUGY here today for us. Thinking about going out to the pool for a bit.

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