Friday, February 27, 2009

2/27/09 Friday Funnies

Welcome to this weeks addition of friday funnies. Hope you enjoy. I don't know about everyone else, but this week was a real crap shoot for me and I am SOOO glad it's the weekend!!

Tech Support

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks, Troubled User.....

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5! and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck, Tech Support
_________________________________________
Why God Made Moms

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2 She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
_______________________________________
Saying Goodbye to Mother

You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One!
You don't even have to like them!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn' t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car.
_____________________________________
And lastly, what else makes you laugh but dogs?? Swamp Suburbia had some pictures up last week with her lovely bulldog (I believe) that has taken a liking to running through their little ditch and she had an awesome running shot too. cdncowgirl also had the cutest picture of her mom's HUGE dog and the two little mini weiner dogs. Here are some more lovely dogs.






























Dogs just have a way of making us smile and that's good stuff . . .

Oh, wait!! I lied. One more joke. cdncowgirl put up a joke wednesday on her website that was pretty darn funny, so she gave me permission to post a link to her there. Go on over and peek. Don't be drinking though, your keyboard won't appreciate it :))

Have a great weekend all!!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Suuuprise, suprise, suprise

Why does it seem like everything in my life is backwards from what I think it will be and expect?? I think I'm going to go around and start doing things backwards on purpose!! Maybe not. The two most recent things aren't exactly bad :)) Maybe I'll just start expecting the worst and hoping for the best and see how that goes for me.

First off is clippers. My mare hates me messing around her ears, but she'll let me clip them with regular shears. She gets really fuzzy ears. Anyhow, we finally got a pair of horse clippers to do bridal paths and stuff and FINALLY took them out to try them on her. I was expecting some head tossing and me ending up with a mohawk or something crazy because of my mare acting wild and knocking my hand away. I didn't think it was going to go well at all. So after clearing the barn of kids and everyone, I took her out of her stall and put her in the cross ties. Hubby took the lead line and made his tough man stance holding her. I took hold of the other side of the halter and held up the clippers for her to smell first. She sniffed a bunch and then stopped, so I pulled them away and turned them on. Didn't bother her. Hmmmm. So I moved them up around her head and ears a little. She didn't like it up by her ears so I lowered it back down to her muzzle area. She sniffed a little but didn't do anything. So I held the handle up to her muzzle so she could feel the vibration and buzzing. She didn't move an inch and actually was pushing her face into my hand that was holding the clippers!! She started closing her eyes like it felt good to her!! Crazy horse! So I went ahead and started clipping her bridal path and she didn't do anything at all. I about fell over dead in shock. Those are the moments I live for with her. The moments where she would have some little reason to be goofy but acts like nothing is strange at all.

We finally got the hormone supplement so I can't wait to see if that helps her. She was being really dumb Saturday when I rode. She was great for a little bit and we were doing great little circles for about the first 20 minutes. But when I started up again after I had stopped her to stand still while watching my son's lesson, she was full out dumb. She was fighting every little thing I asked. When I asked her to walk, she started backing up. When I got her walking and asked for the jog, she screeched to a halt, was walking sideways and started flinging her head every which way and at one point it was almost like she was looking for a place to lay down she had her head so low. She was being super nutty. So I just walked her out and was done. I'm pretty sure she's in heat. It was after her little stall neighbor gelding left the arena that she started acting up (we had stopped for lessons and to watch the girl riding that goofball because he's not broke and I wanted to catch the rodeo). I don't know, we'll see. The chiro said let it work for about two months and we'd know if it was helping by then, the store person said what we bought was enough for almost 3months because she's small. So we shall see.

And the second thing. We lost health insurance (for the millionth time) in Oct. through my husband's work. I've asked my boss' for health insurance no less than 5 times in the past 5 years, basically at least each time my husband lost his, and I've repeatedly been told no. Well, the ins. lady came to give us quotes on Friday and she called today about applications "everyone" was supposed to be filling out (but of course I was conveniently left out of getting). So I asked her if I signed a waiver ONCE, FIVE YEARS ago, does that mean I can never again get insurance because I've never signed anything ever again. She said no, every time the office had new insurance, I'd have to sign another waiver (hasn't happened the past couple new ins co switches, so I'd like to know how I got waived if I never signed one) or fill out an app. Hmmm. So I told her email me the apps because I want (NEED) ins. My boss had told her I didn't need it!!!! So long story short, I asked my boss if I could have it (again) and he said no because I had coverage through the hubby. I told him no, hubby lost it in Oct and he started yelling at me for not having it!!! I'm like wahhhh??? He told me I should have asked in Oct. and they would have made sure to add us onto their policy. grrrrrr. So good news, I might be getting ins. Bad news, don't know what it's going to cost me. He's been paying in full for the other girl for two years now. I have a feeling because I have a family (and my coverage is obviously going to cost more), I'm going to end up paying for it with 1/2 my paychecks. If that's the case, I guess I can't have it. Don't know what to do. I guess I'm going to wait and see how much it is before I'll have to respectfully waive it again because I won't be able to afford it.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

To all my charming, friendly friends


I got this Friendship Award a few days ago from MiKael's Mania . (She's having some crazy contact issues over there and I feel bad because eyes are such a sensitive issue) (AND, Happy Birthday to her!!)

The award description:
"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

You get two extra friendship points if you can tell me what self-aggrandizement means, lol.

I'm going to pass on this friendship award to a few of my newer blogging buddies that I've just come across recently or that I've had for awhile but are kind of in the shadows. I read all my blogs for particular reasons (no Jerry Mcguire quotes here though) and I hope you all want to check them out as well. So without further ado and in no particular order, aside from alphabetical :), here they are:

Back at the Ranch (who makes some really cool jewelry!)

Bringing Home Sammy (has an adorable spotted TWH that she is helping become whole again)

Happy Rainbowland (who wants to be positive in a negative blogging world, and has the cutest Irish Draft mixed with a drop of TB) and the cute avatar with the tongue sticking out, that I can NEVER catch with my girls.

and last, but certainly not least....

It's a Good Thing You're Cute (don't we all want to say that about our four legged friends at some point? and maybe kids too!! lol)

(I know there's not 8, but shhh, I am slowly and steadily adding more that I read each week) So, those have all become new blogging buddies in the past few days and weeks to me, I hope everyone checks them out and drops a few friendly lines. Have a great Saturday!! Hope you are all doing something horsey. WE are getting 4-6 in. of snow today (AHHHH)!!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Friday Funnies

Here are some funky funnies for this Friday :)

The Cowboy Boots
(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)
Especially most of who reads this blog :))

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time On the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?", like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But she Mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your Mittens?" He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

She will be eligible for parole in three years.
________________________
Some funny quotes

1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his
sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group
for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey

4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy

5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry

6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the
lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone

8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills
than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien

9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my
fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery

10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" (same could be said about Detroit)
--Richard Jeni

11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson

12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez

13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld

14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you
have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson

15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde

16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress..
But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain

17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown

18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry (I love Dave Barry)

19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
--Author unknown, presumed deceased
(Presumed Deceased.... Geeee I wonder Why....)

20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."
- W. C. Fields
______________________________
A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.

'That's a serious step,' he said. 'Have you thought it out completely?'

'Yes,' his young son answered. 'We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.'

'How about transportation?' the father asked.

'I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,' the little boy answered.

The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, 'What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know.'

'We've thought about that, too,' the little boy replied. 'We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!'
___________________________
Idiots of 2006 (yeah, this is old, lol)

Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this. "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told
him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

From Kingman, KS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOT SIGHTINGS:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
...........................
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to" downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
...........................
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
...........................
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side."

This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton, Mississippi.
..........................
STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and they REPRODUCE !

Happy Friday!! Hope you have a great weekend!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

early Friday Funny

I know you all just CAN'T wait until my friday funnies, so here's a little something to wet your whistle and brighten your day :))

The Schweppes Bull

I'm sorry I don't know how to just post the video, so you'll have to settle for a link, but I think anyone here will appreciate it :))

Monday, February 16, 2009

In addition to my prior post...

I forgot!! After we were done riding yesterday, we turned the girls back out to stretch and roll. We had read somewhere that it's a good idea to let them do that. Like brushing them when you are done with a good work out so their hair isn't all compacted. They loosen themselves up and are less likely to cast themselves in the stall. Not like that's ever happened, but they said it's a good idea. Sure enough, about 10 seconds after we turned them out, they both found their spots (about 5 feet away from each other in that huge arena!! lol) and roll. Well, my horse rolled quicker than the older girl and when she rolls, she gets up, takes a huge buck and fart and then darts off. Well, she did her buck and fart and started to dart when the other one was just starting to stand up. Sis attempted to start her little buck too. Only problem? She wasn't quite finished getting up and ended up with rear end and legs in the air and face and front legs being pile drove into the ground. It was the weirdest thing. We (hubby and I) kind of looked at each other because it was in slow motion and we couldn't decide if we should laugh and say silly horse or be worried that she hurt herself. But she got up, shook herself and then took off running. I guess she's ok. We'll see when we go out tomorrow if she's sore or not. Silly old girl. She's not 7 anymore!!! lol If that wasn't a kodak or video moment, I don't know what was.

A horsey weekend

My weekend included lots of horsies. Not all just mine though. On Thursday we got an email from the rescue where we got two of our past horses from. We still have the one, Sis, that is our bombproof kids horse. Best investment ever. Anyhow, this email was asking for donations for a Tennessee Walking Horse colt that the rescue agreed to take in. Here's the email:

"Well, we have an emergency situation coming into our rescue in the next few days. Meet Eddie, he is a yearling Tennessee Walking Horse colt, he is very sweet but he has an injury that needs surgery. Eddie was injured out in the pasture where a stick went through the eye and has to be removed. Dr. Nagy of Howell, MI tells me that he will have to have the eye surgically removed due to it starting to rupture, they had hoped to save the eye but that is not going to happen. The surgery will be done at Findlay University and will cost between $800-$1600 which with also include him being gelded. The doctors will not know what they are getting into until they operate so this is why there is a range.

I know some of you are wondering why we don't just euthanize him and use the money for something else. Well, we feel he deserves a second chance for all he has endured for the last two weeks and the care that has been given to him. He is very sweet easy to handle and a trooper, so why not try to help him and find him a forever home after his recovery. Horses can survive and do quite well with only one eye.

If you would like to make a donation please do so via our paypal address which is voiceforhorses@wmconnect.com or you can log on to our website at voiceforhorses.org and make a donation through that as well and state Eddie vet care. Your donation is tax deductible and for all who donate $25.00 or more we will give you a logo T-shirt, our way of saying thank you for your help and compassion.

Won't you help Eddie and pass this on to everyone you know, all who donate will also get a photo of Eddie as well and email updates on his progress."


So, as well as emailing everyone I know, I'm posting this on here. In the three years we've been involved with this rescue, she has never sent out an email asking for donations. Obviously she's always welcomed any, but she's never sent out emails like this. As for the rescue, I can vouch that the lady that founded/runs it is very passionate about what she does. She runs the rescue herself, and aside from the money she gets from being a non-profit, she told us one time that more than 1/2 of her own personal money goes into the rescue. She doesn't have a team of people that helps run it, she does everything by herself. So if anyone out there is looking for a nice rescue to donate to (I know, like there aren't a million to choose from already), I can personally vouch that this is a good one. At least it has been to us :) And I agree with the trying to save this one before automatically euthanizing. After this surgery he could still can live a nice productive life. She doesn't hoard unusable horses at her rescue either. It was sad the number of horses she was going to be putting down due to heath and/or behavior issues. One guy in particular. He's 23 and they are having a lot of trouble putting and keeping weight on him no matter what they've done. Along with that, she said he's super mean. He'll kick at whatever walks behind him while he's eating, human or horse thinking they are going to try to take his food. His ears were constantly pinned back the whole time we were there. She said no one is ever going to want a 23 year old, mean, food machine, so they will be putting him down this Wednesday. :( That's one of the the hardest part of rescuing I'm sure.

Well, while we were there, of course we had to look and see what she all had there (sometimes she doesn't have everything up on her website right away) because we would like to get a third horse, eventually. And what do we find? A registered quarter horse mare who's 6 and trained. She even has possession of the papers. $350.00 is all she's asking to cover part of the cost of shipping that she helped the prior owners with. The story is, the owners live in CA and one of the girlfriends got into a really bad car accident. She has had 6 back surgeries and they had no health insurance. So she had to give up her gelding (which unfortunately has to be put down due to a health issue, something like EPM?? Does that sound familiar?) and this mare. Now this part I'm not sure about, I think maybe they had friends from around my area and knew that Voice for Horses is good and does background checks, follow up on adoptions and will take back any horse that doesn't work out in an instant, so maybe they thought that was the best route. But the lady that runs the rescue said they didn't want to let the horses just go to anyone (who does?) so they paid the shipping costs to get the two horses to this rescue. Anyhow, this mare is a dream.
The picture doesn't do her justice. She's got a really nice hind. The only issue she has is the left angular deformity, which you can't really see unless you are looking closely. She said the vet (which is the same one we use, so we would check with him) has cleared her for riding w-t-c, which is probably all we'd do. We don't do anything too strenuous and she was used for trail riding. We are going to wait until spring to see about our finances and then take her for a test run. I really hate to wait, but I know patience is a virtue and I don't want to get her and get attached just to find out we really can't afford her. So, that's our dream. She needs about another 150-200 lbs (which would happen in less than a month at our barn) and then some muscle toning. But the rescue lady said that she's really sweet, and she was too while we were there. Then we'd have three mares. ugh!! What are we thinking?? lol. I don't know if I'd know what to do if we could ALL ride at once!! I'd have the boys ride Sis, I'd ride my goofy girl and my hubby could ride the new pretty one. But then we'd have Sis, Sassie and Sydney. We'd be so tongue tied!! lol!!! Ok, I'm sorry, I'm being giddy.

While talking with the lady at the rescue, we were talking about getting out of the rescue business, I think because she's thought about stopping, but she said the lord will tell her when it's time. She said just as she was talking with a friend of hers this past week about stopping, she got in a really pretty, sweet mare from a guy that had a heart attack and seizures or something. Well, when she got this mare, she took one look at her hind when she was walking away an noticed bumps. Got the doc out and this poor mare has cancer. TONS and TONS of cancer tumors all up and down her hind. So if you could see those, imagine what her insides probably looked like. She said you know, maybe that's my place here, because all I had to do was look and see those bumps and the people caring for her didn't?? So she said right now rescues are needed and she's there for the horses, no matter how tough it gets for her, it's always tougher for those who can't talk. ~sniff, sniff~ she made me tear up a little.

So that was Saturday. On Sunday, we went out to see our girls and actually get a good ride in. It definitely wasn't GOOD, but we got a ride in. Sassie's pulling her stunts again. We haven't been really riding hard, like aerobically, just more of puttering around. I've been trying to work on the circling and seat control and balance that mugwump was posting about for me. I could tell we hadn't rode hard in awhile. Sassie was fine walking, but as soon as I asked for a jog, she was off. It was like racing season. I was like ok, she's still got some energy, so we'll just roll with it. We jogged around a few laps and I tried to work with slowing her down a little. She kept acting like she wanted to lope. So I thought hey!, if she wants to lope, let's go. So I got her nice and comfortable in the jog and then asked for the lope to the right, which is her better side. She did good, but she's really dropping her shoulder in and cutting across the arena. We've always had a problem with it, but I can never remember if the trainer said to lift on the inside, where she's dropping her shoulder, or lift on the outside to lead her more out. My hubby said lift the inside because that's where she's dropping her shoulder. So we started up again and I tried lifting with the inside and pushing with my inside leg. She'd go a little further, but would still fight it. So after a few laps we slowed it back down to a walk and I was going to try loping to the left. HA! Try is definitely the key word. My legs are so sore today!! I tried and tried until I could tell we were both getting too frustrated and were not getting anywhere. She was trying her little bucking at first, nothing too major, but did get me off balance a few times. I think I need to sit a little deeper and back. I think my balance being off is throwing her off so she doesn't want to go thinking I'm not right. maybe? So I'd slow back to the jog until we were all collected and I'd try again. Well, after the bucking wasn't working, she was trying to just flat out left turn square into the middle of the arena, no matter what I did with my hands, butt OR legs. So that's when I decided enough, let's go back to the last thing and end on a good note. We'll try again next time. Since we are still in cold weather, but not the biterly cold, we can go out and ride more often instead of just clean stalls and turn them out. So that's it. My horsey weekend.

No I have to get to reading some blogs because there are so many updates on my blog list that I see I haven't read yet!!

Friday, February 13, 2009

(forgot to title my..) Friday Funnies for Friday the 13th!

I don't have any scary or superstitious funnies (are there any??) since today's Friday the 13th, so we'll just stick with funnies, how's that?? ohhh, maybe some valentines ones, yeah. You know, about loving husbands and wives. lol

The Black Bra

The other day I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went:

My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you. Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said…

"What's for dinner, Batman?"
(bet he got no valentines day lovin' after that!!)
_____________________________

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!"
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One Liners and sage advice

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband.

My wife and I always compromise; I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!"
The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"
She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"

A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish, too But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

Two women friends meet on the street, but they haven't seen each other for years. As they are talking one women notices that her friend has a 5 carat diamond ring, and says "My what a magnificent ring." Her friend relies, "Yes, it is, but unfortunately it comes with a curse. It comes with my husband!"

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, 'I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition.'

The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance, 'What's your condition?'

Phil answered, 'Tell me your wish in just three words.'

There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address. She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, 'Clean my house.'
(ahhh, every woman's dream)
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A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine's Day night and sees a beautiful woman at the bar. After a long struggle with his shyness, he finally managed to walk over to her and asked her politely, "Um, would you mind if I give you company?" She made a furious face and yelled at the top of her lungs, "How dare you asked me to sleep with you tonight?" Everyone in the pub started staring at the man who was completely embarrassed. After a few minutes, woman walked over to him and apologized - "You see I am a student of psychology and studying how people respond to embarrassing situations. I am sorry but I was just doing my experiment!" The young man suddenly gave a loud yell, "What do you mean $200?"
______________________________
Signs Cupid has gone insane:

- Is on retainer to Pam Anderson.
- Traded in the diaper for leopard-skin Speedos.
- Thinks it’s funny to keep making Bill Clinton fall madly in love with himself.
- Recent Oreo binges making it impossible for tiny wings to support his bloated girth.
- Offering ‘special military discount’ to Army drill instructors.
- Shows up with an arrow through his head and shouts, ‘Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuse me!’
- He’s got three days of stubble, he’s waving a half-empty bottle of Everclear, and he’s up in a clock tower with a pink assault rifle, screaming about ‘that amateur Chuck Woolery.’
______________________________
(from the pages of Readers Digest)
The lingerie store where my aunt works was crowded with shoppers selecting Valentine's Day gifts for their wives. A young businessman came to the register with a lacy black negligee. My aunt noticed that the next customer, an elderly farmer, was holding a long flannel nightgown and kept glancing at the younger man's sexier choice. When it was his turn, the farmer placed the nightgown on the counter. "Would you have anything in black flannel?" He asked.
-- Contributed by Christine A. Pandolfo

My friend Mark and I work in a lawn-mower-parts warehouse. Somehow Mark got the idea that his wife did not want a card on Valentine's Day, but when he spoke to her on the phone he discovered she was expecting one. Not having time to buy a card on his way home, Mark was in a quandary. Then he looked at the lawn-mower trade magazines scattered around the office -- and got an idea. Using scissors and glue, he created a card with pictures of mowers, next to which he wrote: "I lawn for you mower and mower each day." Mark's wife loved it. The card immediately graced their refrigerator door.
-- Contributed by Gene Hyde
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ok, here's ONE funny for Friday the 13th.

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

Ok, not technically a specific for today joke, but hey, it works! lol

That's all for now. Go enjoy your kiddies and significant others (horses included), and if you don't have those, enjoy your peace and quiet!! Happy Valentines Day (early) and Friday the 13th. Have a LUCKY weekend!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Little man's birthday and what's in a name

Ok, here are the pictures from last night. Don't judge me by anything you may see here!! lol

The first one is my favorite. I love the expression on his face. He was trying to let me take a picture of his star sticker on his shirt, so he was sticking his chest out. (before he ate)



This is him (after he ate) opening one of his Mr. Potato Head outfits. It's Chef Tater. Anything that we find that has Tater on it, we get, because it's not like John or Matt that you can find on anything. Unfortunately, it's usually Mr. Potato Head (Darth Tater. etc.) and accessories. So he's got a big collection of those. lol



This is him after my husband uncovered his eyes so he could see his Grave Digger monster truck cookie cake. He loved it!! I was so happy. I have made their cakes in the past. My mom was a professional cake decorator, and I learned how to do those fancy cakes with all the decorative trim, I just don't have the time!! If it was a weekend, sure, and I could have made it this weekend, but it's definitely a lot of work. Not that my kids aren't worth it mind you. But we all like the cookies too. (I would post a picture, but all the cakes I've done were before we got the digital camera, so I'll have to take a picture with the digital of a regular picture, lol)





This one is him before he opens his presents. He's always got that dang vest on. It's all cruddy because I figure you just toss it in the wash and it's good. NOT. It's real suede. On a kids vest!! He thinks it's his cowboy vest. So it has to be cleaned with leather cleaner only. grrr. Oh well, he's cute :)



This one is with his favorite present. I had gotten my step sons these remote control watch cars. The remote control is on the watch. well, that was like 6 years ago and they had never come back over for Christmas (looong story), so I still had them. It said 5 and older on the box, so I figured, here ya go Tater!! lol. I didn't figure he would have much interest or that he would even be able to figure it out. I guess I'm short changing him because he picked it up and away he went. It was the only thing he played with the whole night! lol





(yes, he has undies on :), he just prefers no pants. usually. And no blog post with the kids is ever complete without a butt shot!!)


So that's that. He had a good time. He even wore his crown again to school today. I tried taking it off, but he refused. We usually don't make big deals about birthdays (like big parties with lots of kids and all that jazz) so I figured the hat could stay. And of course his cowboy vest.

Miss Lisa (from Laughing Orca Ranch blog) asked me how we got his name and what our bigger man's name is. Little guy's full name is Tater Porter. Sound familiar to any of you rodeo (PBR) fans? Yeah. My husband, who used to be a bull rider, liked Tater Porter, THE bull rider, and when we were trying to pick out names, he came up with Tater. I said huh uh, no way on God's green earth am I going to name my little boy Tater. Guess who lost? lol, ME. I felt bad because this is my hubby's 4th child and he hadn't been "allowed" to pick out a single name for the other three. Us women just kind of take over when it comes to that sometimes I think. He had me convinced that the bull riders REAL name WAS Tater. I said what crazy mother would name their child Tater??? Yeah, hello, me again. After the signing of the birth certificate I found out that his real name is Dan Porter, of course. But in all honesty, we're a different sort of people, and the more we said it the more the name stuck and was kinda cute. AND (major factor here) I figured if there ever came a time where he didn't like his name (like a lot of teenage kids), he could shorten it to Tate. I hope he doesn't, and so far he's pretty proud of his name. We usually have problems with other people not wanting to call him Tater and them just automatically shortening it to Tate. He's sure to correct them loudly though. So that's what's in his name :)

Big brother is Lucas Keegan. They are both redheads and when I was looking for a middle name for the big one, I wanted something Irish. Luke was the name of an awesome friend I used to have (and a little crush on, shhh). Hubby didn't really like Kane, which was my other pick, so Keegan (which means little fiery one, and they BOTH were in utero) it was. And that's what's in a name for big one.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I'm feeling sooooo oooooold today

My little baby boy turned 5 today. And I feel old!! It wasn't the turning 30 this year. That didn't bother me. (I still feel like I'm about 22, hehe) It's the having a baby who's now 5 and a big one who's going to be 8 (not to mention the 19 and 16 year old step boys). Oh well.

When Tater (yes, his real birth certificate-afied name) woke up and came to give me a hug this morning, I told him that at that exact moment (approximately 6:30 am) 5 years ago, his daddy and I were getting ready to be on our way to the hospital to have him. Grandpa came over to watch big brother who was crying because he wanted to go and "pick out" his little brother. lol!! I showed him the pictures that we took that morning. I was somewhat nice looking because I remembered being in labor with my older one for two days and looking quite frightful in all of my pictures! So I took a hot shower and did my hair and makeup for the second one so that I'd look a little more decent. So I had my big belly pictures out and then all the pictures of everyone who came to the hospital to see him. He absolutely loves to look at his baby pictures. And since I started scrapbooking, it makes it so easy to just open up and go from the start.

So that's the gist of it. He's 5 today. He's excited to be a big boy now. Here are his two cookie cakes. We get two, one for home and one for school, because there's no way there would be enough left over for everyone else if we only got one :))




Mmmmmm. They smell SO good sitting here in my office :) Wonder if he'd notice a few little nibbles off the edge. I can always tell him it came that way, a new scalloped edge style :)) When I called to order them, we decided monster trucks were a good bet because he's into those right now (we've always done horses, or cowboys or cowboy hat/boots, etc.). The lady had no idea there were different monster trucks when I asked if they could do grave digger and cowboy or outlaw. Those are my little guy's favorites. So we decided on grave digger and cowboy, but she didn't know what they looked like, so I just explained grave digger has neon green and bright purple designs and cowboy is black with like a neon blue lettering. I figured whatever she did would be fine, he's 5 and not too picky. And what you see above is what she came up with after looking online. It was great!!! I was so happy and I know he will be too :))

I'll post some more pictures on here when I can after I take some birthday pictures.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Question for today

Here's my query for today. What are the top 5 things you would advise someone to study about horses? There is sooooo much information out there, where's one to start? I love my horses and every day in this blogging world I'm realizing more and more that I don't know squat about anything. lol I know the basics that mostly everyone else knows, but I don't really have any deep down knowledge about anything in particular. I love reading about genetics, even though I hardly know anything, and BrownEyed Cowgirls' several last posts are about genetics and genetically linked lethal conditions and from which great stallions they are linked to.

So my question to anyone who wants to or can answer (or heck, even ask YOUR questions, maybe someone can answer them), what do you think should people study first or where do you suggest should they begin? I know I'd like to know more about the genetic disorders, more about certain sires that were big and why, certain rules for specific disciplines, or certain other ailments like laminitis and colic. Then you have other areas like first aid. There's much much more. I don't really know where I should start though. I know it depends too on if you own and/or ride as well. Let's assume your suggestions are for someone like me, owner and rider :)) Maybe you have a good book, or a good website, or a good magazine or something. Let's hear it, I'd LOVE to know. I have read several training type books and breed books (more like an encyclopedia).

For my second question, I'm sure you all have 100 answers and yeppers to. Have you ever went ahead with something you knew probably wasn't a great idea, but went ahead and did it anyhow? Yeah, I knew it. We are finally having some nice, mild weather yesterday. It was about 40 yesterday and I was so excited to ride. We were going to let the girls out to run, but one of the draft horses was out there. The geldings got separated from the mares last summer after one of the draft horses (we have two) would keep chasing them around any time we wanted to go get them from the pasture. THEN, when the second drafty came, the two boys would sit there and try to fight over them. I finally had enough when they started in with each other like 5 feet away from this little human. I said uh uh, no more and told the barn owner either separate them, keep them in all day or we'd be gone, so he finally put the three girls all together, which is what he should have done from the start. The girls get along great. Well, my two have their issues, but it's mine, not someone else causing the problems with each other, so that's a little different. So back to my story about yesterday. The one draft, Tundra, who's an appy percheron mix, was already turned out. We couldn't remember him ever giving us trouble, it was usually the other one, inaptly named Angel, who's part Clydesdale and part dumb shit, that gave us the trouble. So we asked if she minded if we turned the girls out with him. She said she didn't have a problem if we didn't. Mistake!!! He was ok at first and it was the girls that were squealing and turning their butts towards him with their ears pinned back and hopping around. They don't like any of the boys. I think they are lesbians. Anyhow, it was the girls causing all the ruckus so we watched and they were ok for a little while. Well, my husband just happened to turn the one time and see Tundra kick out at them. He thought he heard contact (from that nice, newly shod draft hoof) with one of them. Yeppers. Turns out to be my girl, as usual. She's ALWAYS the one to get hurt. She has a huge patch of flesh showing on her right shoulder. It's like someone skinned her. No blood or anything, but a closely skinned patch. Grrrr. When I was grooming her, which is when I noticed it, she didn't flinch or anything when I was scrubbing with the curry rubber brush. Do horses flinch at things like that? She didn't react. Then I noticed it and felt bad. Does heat at an injury sight usually happen immediately or gradually? I tried feeling and compared the right with the left shoulder, but neither of them were particularly warmer than the other. I saddled her up and tried to ride. That was short lived. She was walking really stiff and only wanted to go to the left, which is usually her off side. So we only walked for about 5 minutes and I stopped torturing her. We told the barn owner what happened and he said she probably is bruised. Maybe a couple days off and she'll be ok. Big dumb draft horse. Stupid owners :)) I know that time it's our fault, we should have known better. So, once again, mare's out of commission.

Also, when I was grooming her rump area above her tail (yep, I need to study horse anatomy for sure!), she flinched and kind of danced forward, like I was tickling her. So I ran my hand over it, pushing down and she kept tucking her butt under (if that's the right way to describe it). I hope she's not out again already.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Friday, FRIDAY, Friday Funnies!!

Enjoy!!










_______________________
Don't step on the ducks!!
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the
place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try
their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!'
____________________________
Rectum Deodorant
(you know it had to start with a blond)

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."

"But, I always buy it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.

"YES," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container........

"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM
_________________________
How to Shower

*How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hampers according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups, leg lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes or until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


*How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Fart once or twice and giggle.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.
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And last, but certainly not least, Mrs. Mom made a post that gave me hysterial mental images, and I'm sure it will you too. So click here and get ready to laugh your socks off!!

Have a great Friday! And, "woo woo"!!!

New John Rich Song

I don't know if anyone has heard it yet, but our local radio station played the new John Rich (currently from Big and Rich and formerly Lonestar) song called Shuttin Detroit Down for the first time this morning. Can I just say Oh. My. God. It sounds a little like a mix of Garth Brooks' Beaches of Cheyenne and a Toby Keith song about the war. Not poppy sounding at all. The song is so true and it's about time someone wrote about how ridiculous it is that the government is giving these big handouts to corporate companies while letting the farmers auction off their land. If you haven't heard it, try to find it online. It is awesome and touching. Very very good song. I happen to really like Big and Rich too :))

You can download it at his website, but that's itunes so you do have to buy it I believe. I'm sure you will be able to find a clip somewhere. Or heck, request it from your radio station :))

Thursday, February 5, 2009

VanGogh's Ear Award


I know, sounds a little demented, doesn't it?? lol It's cool though, it's a good thing!

Thanks so much to Melissa at Thousand Word Balance for this awesome award!!!

This is an award to give to blogs that are are making a difference in the blogosphere. Roger, its creator said, "We are all artists in are own way, be it art, photography, writing, philosophy, comedy, or blogging, and we all go a little crazy sometimes. But if you ever feel so crazy to cut off your ear and give it to a prostitute, "Seek Help"! Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else."

I've always loved that little line, "you're unique, just like everyone else." lol!! Anyhow, I got this blog for my little bits of humor I try to infuse in this serious world, so the first two blogs I'm giving this two are for that very reason, because they simply give me the snickers with certain animals and children of theirs: Mrs. Mom at Oh HorseFeathers and Lisa at Laughing Orca Ranch. Lisa's blog name says it all. I would love to give it to mugwump at Mugwump Chronicles, but I think she's pretty busy. She is a very very talented writer and artist and trainer. If you haven't already, you should check her out. Gosh, I have like 20 blogs that I read, do you really want me to list them all?? lol I think I'll list those three and please, check out any and all of the blogs on my list to the left because they all have their niche and spot on my blog for a reason.

Proud Aunt

I just found out that a nephew of mine is graduating from his basic training (ROTC) this weekend and family that attends gets to sit up front because they are giving him a Sharpshooter award. This is a nephew, who unlike most of my generation and up that got to go to the farm and shoot target practice, really hasn't had a whole lot of gun experience. He's never really been around guns at all. But apparently every time he went to the range, he shot 40 out of 40. And now they want him to go to sniper school! My sister said yeah, but there are no jobs out there for snipers! Ummm, the FBI is hiring like 3000 people!! (I didn't want to mention the other types of side jobs he could have, let's keep THIS boy on the straight and narrow, lol) My dad told my nephew that he once shot 41 out of 40. What really happened was that the guy next to him shot his target once. LOL! My dad was also in the army and was a policeman, as is my brother now. I am so excited for my nephew. Let's just say that this sister's part of the family has never really had an easy time in life. I hope this gives him a good chance for a good job, maybe not easy, but a good one.

So here's to you dear nephew. Stay safe and we all love you bunches.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I feel fabuloso

Miss Lisa over at Laughing Orca Ranch gave me a fancy little award for being Fabulous. Some might beg to differ, but since she's the one that gave it to me, I value HER opinion on that matter. lol


This award comes with the stipulation of listing 5 of your favorite addictions. Uh oh, don't take pictures!! (Michael Phelps reference) This is actually kind of hard!

So here goes:
1) Riding and/or grooming and/or just spending time with our horses
2) Junk food. Lots and lots of junk food! Any kind.
3) Scrapbooking
4) Watching tv (I know, not good)
5) Perusing through my list of blogs throughout the day instead of working (shh, don't tell the boss)

And I choose the following 5 bloggers to gift this award to:
Chelsi at Adventures of a Horse Crazed Mind
Browneyed Cowgirls
Mrs. Mom at Oh Horsefeathers
Melissa and Jason at Paradigm farms
and kwdhorses at Blackjack Land and Cattle Company

If you care to, join in and tell the blog world you are all fabulous. If not, at least we all know it here :)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

A wonder

So here's another one of my wonderous thoughts. What makes a horse's mane go on one side of their neck or the other?


Looking at my above avatar just now, because that's my absolute favorite picture and I love looking at the pretty side of my girl, I realized that her mane was on her right side. This picture was taken about 1 1/2 year ago. I think it used to be kind of split, the lower 1/3 was to the left and top 2/3 was to the right, but now it's all on the left side. I don't ever recall consciously trying to make it go to one side though. Hmmm. Here's a pic from last summer.



All completely on the left side. (and yeah, I have pulled my saddle back abit off her shoulders. I'd like to think I never rode like that, I don't think it was usually that far foward)

Ok, that was my thought. Just wondered if there was any real answer or if it will always be one of my unsolved ponderings :)

This past weekend my husband and I went out with our friends, who happen to be my trainer and his girlfriend who gives my son lessons. We had a hoot. We NEVER go out. Seriously, the last time we went out (like to eat with friends or the bar) without kids, was last spring. My dad is more than willing to watch our kids, but we think it's kind of tough for him since he's almost 70. He loves the boys, but they know exactly what they can get away with, if you know what I mean. He's whipped by the time the kids go to bed, or we come home, whichever is first. So we try not to ask him to babysit unless it's for something good. So anyhow, there was a comedian playing at a little rural towns little podunk bar and girlfriend asked if we wanted to go. We said sure, sounded like fun. My hubby was the DD because he hasn't drank alcohol since he had his gallbladder taken out last fall, so it was no big deal to him. The rest of us however, got kinda sloshed. I know my limit. I also only drink amaretto sours because I'm so not a beer person. Never have been. Last time our group went out last spring, I had 4 drinks before we even had dinner. But they were small glasses and restaurant weak. So trainer was making fun of me after I stopped at three drinks because my stomach was getting goofy and the room was tilting a little. I said these were kinda strong and I don't drink that much anyhow. He made sure to bring up that I drank like a fish when we went out last time. lol. I said these were stronger, but he said they weren't. Whatever.

Let me ask you all this. How are you when you drink, if you drink? We drink only a few times a year, and that's putting it mildly. We just aren't sit at home drinkers and we never get to go out, so we just don't drink. Let me put it this way. I have a bottle of amaretto from BEFORE my almost 5 year old was born. I bought it, then got pregnant, and there it sits. lol What kind of drunk are you if you drink enough to get drunk? My sister is a "lover" when she drinks. She gets very touchy feely with everyone. My trainer gets nice. Not that he's not nice when he doesn't drink, but he doesn't talk a whole lot and is kinda uptight, like not too sociable. But when he drinks, he starts talking like a normal friendly outgoing person. lol Their friend that went with us, who's a little older, gets a little, I don't know, nasty? She starts using words she would never use if not drunk. And she gets very social too, with anyone that will talk to her. And trainers girlfriend gets really funny and loud. Me? I'm a happy drunk. I sit there and smile and giggle at everything. In my head I'm thinking clearly (which is why I've never done anything totally stupid), but I get really quiet and just smile and laugh at everything and anything. One of my good friends who I used to go to the bar with all the time was an emotional wreck and mean when she drank. And let me tell you, she was about 120lbs soaking wet and could drink 15 bottles of bud light by herself. So what are you like when you drink?

Here's another thought, what do you think about drinkers and the things they do and say when they get drunk? Are you of the mind that when people are drunk they say what they are actually thinking? That when you are drunk you show your true hidden colors? I don't think that at all. I think that when you drink, you may say things that you are thinking when you normally wouldn't, but I don't think that it means you hide what you really are. I think you lose inhibition and control over what and how you would normally conduct yourself. So when people say or do stupid or outrageous things, I don't think it's necessarily that they hide how they feel normally. I don't know if any of that made sense. Hmmm, if I'm quiet and giggly when I'm drunk, maybe if I was drunk more often I would have a little more self control over my knee jerk reactions to everything.....lol. Just kidding. Oh, and on that note, I definitely saw some things I don't really think I've ever seen at any bars I've been to before. One girl was going around flashing everyone and letting everyone touch her boobs because they were "nice." lol I passed of course. I looked over at a little group chatting only to see them all looking down while one guy was letting his junk hang out. I was like AHH!!!! I was very surprised. I don't think I could ever get that drunk and uninhibited to let people see my goods. Ever. The most crazy thing I've ever done while drinking was attempt to dance to reggae music when I turned 21 and dance on speakers up in canada when I was 19. Me dancing is my uninhibitedness because this girl cannot dance. lol

Monday, February 2, 2009

My sincerest apologies..

I hereby submit my apology to anyone who has a comment thing on their blog where you pick which form of blog you have to choose: comment as [select profile]. I simply cannot leave comments. I have no idea why. After I put in the little code word, it tells me I have "error on page" and it will not let me leave a comment. I tried at home and at work. I tried all the different methods for id's and I come up with nothing. I have to be the only person that has this problem. These are the blogs so far that I read that I cannot comment on, but I read regularly (or just found recently and will start reading regularly):

Melissa at Thousand Word Balance
20 Meter Circle of Life (and partner blog Viva Volte)
Debbie at Lifes Funny Like That
and
Pony Girl Rides Again

So, I'm really sorry, and if anyone has any idea of how to clue me in to fix this, I know other people have this same blog type as I do, so I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel really silly.
 

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