So much for plans!

I HAD planned last week on posting pictures of lead line and the zoo and all that good stuff. I ended up getting too busy that I don't even remember what I did last week before Thursday!! lol

Thursday we went to the zoo for 6 hours. My dad's little neighbor boy was begging my dad to take him to the zoo and my boys had been begging me, so I decided that was a fine idea. We went and got there right before the zoo opened so we got in line first. It was pretty uneventful. All I know is that apparently 6 hours on your feet and kids are STILL not worn out!! Even with letting them run and play on the playground for 1/2 hour while I crashed on the bench! Ahhh, to be an energetic kid again.

Our zoo is like #5 in the country I believe. It seems each year they are building something new. In June they opened a new kids discovery center. It's not quite like the old petting zoo they built it over, not as many animals to interact with, but it's just like the name says, a discovery center. It's definitely kid oriented for kids to understand and hands on with stuff.

Here are some pictures I took. I took over 100 I think, but I'm surely not going to sit here all day putting them up and I know you all don't want to see every last one of them! I did take pictures of name plaques though too to make sure I knew what to label the animals when I'm doing my scrapbook pages.

When you go into the zoo and over the bridge, this is at the bottom of the stairs. My boys are in the middle, my dad on the right and his neighbor boy Spencer on the left. Our zoo has 2 polar bears and there were supposed to be 2 cubs born I believe 2 years ago. We didn't see the cubs, and I'm not really sure if they are still there or if they have already been farmed out. I believe they are still at our zoo though.


Then we went over to the bears, tigers and penguin area. They were feeding the penguins and we got to see that which was neat. Then through the wooden fence behind the penguins one of the white lions was roaring. Everyone ran over to the tall fence to peek through try to catch a glimpse of it. I found a nice little space and got this picture.

Isn't he just breathtaking? There are only 50 white lions worldwide. The Toledo and Cincinnati Ohio Zoos are the only two U.S. Zoos to exhibit Sigfried and Roy's Timbavati white lions.

When we ventured over to the ape and monkey enclosures, all of the big gorillas were outside in their enclosures. This big daddy silver back gorilla was hanging out in a v-shape portion of the glass separator. He had been looking off and over to his left, so I just bid my time and as soon as he looked over in our direction, right at us, I snapped the picture. A guy behind me was quite impressed with the shot, lol.


When went through the part of the zoo with rhinos, camels, and elephants, I got pictures of our female elephant and her 6 year old son, who will be forever called "baby" Louie. They were just starting to eat their breakfast. The zoo puts their treats and meals in items so that they have to work for them for enrichment. Here Louie is trying to get some apples and stuff out of a hanging tire and barrel at the top of a pole. They also had 3 or 4 big tires stacked at the bottom of the pole that the elephants had to lift with their trunk or foot to get the food from.


Here's a picture of one of the two rhinos they had just let out of the indoor enclosure.


They are actually building an entire new HUGE enrichment enclosure for the elephants. It's due to be finished in November of this year. I can't wait to go see that.

After we went to the zoo on Thursday, we went to the fair at the county below ours with my trainer and my friend who is his girlfriend. She's really giving me lessons as I need them now, so I really don't have a trainer so to speak any more. I didn't get any pictures because we were only there for about 3 hours. We walked through animal barns and got to see the little piglet races. That was fun. In the horse barn we ran into EVERYONE it seemed like. Some people we used to board with when we first got our horses. Our current barn owner. They were grand marshalls of the fair because they have the big 8 horse all black Percheron hitch. They are really really involved in the fair each year.

That was thursday. Then friday morning I had my second interview for the job I interviewed at the week before. I think it went really well, but I won't hear anything until next week because the first attorney is on vacation until next week. I really really hope I get it. Cross your fingers for me because my husband got laid off Friday as well. Thankfully, since he is going to school, unemployment doesn't require him to have to find a job, but with me not working, one of us HAS to get a job soon. It should be me so that he can finish school and get good grades as he has to go to 4 days during the week beginning in January. Ideally we BOTH should get jobs, but since he's going to school, I would be ok if he found something maybe part time, like nights or weekends.

After I was done with my interview, my cousin had wanted to do something, so we went back down to the fair since the boys didn't get to ride any rides the night before. They rode rides, played a few games and we walked around a little. After we went home, it was time for the first night of the family reunion!! My mom was one of 5 kids and each year for the past 10 years, we've had a family reunion with all the immediate family, like my aunts and uncles and all us cousins. The family has since grown from about 25 people to about 45 or so with all the cousins spouses and OUR kids now. lol It's quite a sight. When it first started, they didn't want the normal, get together and eat and talk reunion. No. We go all out and it's a 3 day event. And when I say event, I mean event with games and prizes and a trophy at the end. lol Friday night is always a cook out and then an UNO tournament. We start out with about 5 tables of 8 people (not everyone plays because of kids or other stuff) and then it finally whittles down to one table of 5 people. The first year it lasted until like 2 in the morning. We've since gotten the swing of it and this year it ended around 9 or so. lol WE don't mess around anymore because we have to get up early and we all meet at a park at 9 am the next morning for a nice game of LOSER. LOSER is like PIG, but with more letters and 40 people playing. That basically takes up most of the morning until we have lunch. My one uncle's mother-in-law makes a nice HUGE lunch for all of us. This year there was subs, deviled eggs, fried chicken, and other various side dishes. Yum yum.

After lunch, we play an assortment of events like corn hole (each person throws 8 bags and various points are assigned and however many points you get, you are then placed in an order as to who won) and golf (you hit 4 balls and the closes ball is measured a distance from a pole and you are assigned points based on how close you got). The whole weekend is based on points. Like for UNO, the very last person standing gets the most points. The first people out from each table are given 0's. The idea of the weekend is to win each even and accumulate the highest number of points over all to win the trophy. Two years ago, I didn't win a single even, but placed high enough in each event that I won the trophy. So far in 10 years I'm the only female to win :)) The last two events each saturday at the obstacle course and 3 rounds of water balloon toss. Then we all wake up SUPER early Sunday morning for a big breakfast (dinner friday and breakfast sunday are made in my uncles driveway made in electric skillets and camp grills) from 7 am to 8:30 am and then awards are presented. We do it so early because we have family as far away as NC and Oklahoma that have to get back that day and they have looooon drives.

So, that my time from last thursday till yesterday. Imagine why I can't remember what all happened before that!!

Oh, yeah, and saturday after the family reunion my husband's oldest son (19) brought over his fiance (18) and we got to meet her :)

She's super cute. We took them out to dinner and then went to the barn to ride. They rode Sis, our old girl. My stupid horse (or should I say stupid me, lol) reared up and we fell over, again. You would think I would learn from all the other times that if she starts bucking and is prancy when I get on, that something is wrong and I need to fix it. The wires in my brain that controls my thought process are not letting this sink in. I keep thinking oh, she's just being stupid and that if I can stay on long enough, she'll quit it. NOT. And she never will. Here is the result:



Yeah, that's my knee. And I don't think it's even as dark of a bruise as it's going to get. As we were falling, I attempted to pull my leg out so that it wouldn't get crushed and some part of the saddle hit my knee. I cross myself and thank my lucky stars that nothing worse has happened and wonder when am I going to freaking learn that I need to just get off and try fix what's wrong?? My hubby said it looked like she was just trying to scramble away from me as we were falling back, and thankfully she doesn't run off once she gets me off. I really need to start listening to her. I think all it was, was that my saddle was about an inch further back than it normally was, and I didn't pull the saddle pad up under the cantle away from her withers like I normally do and it might have been pinching her. That's all I adjusted and she was fine after that. She's so touchy. Mares.

Ok, I'll save the beach, lead line and talking about old, old, old pictures that my dad brought over for me to see for my 100th post. Can you believe it?? Maybe I'll save those for my 101st post and do something special for a 100th post. hmmm, I'll have to think on that. Maybe some kind of little quiz about stuff in some of my posts. hehe.

Enjoy your day. HOT and MUUUUUUUGY here today for us. Thinking about going out to the pool for a bit.

Life as it has been....lately anyhow

Ok, I'm going to try to make this somewhat reasonable length so that no one gets too bored. lol but here's a little of what we've been doing. (BTW, this is my second post today, I DID post Friday funnies, so if you missed those, check on further down in my blog)

Swimming:









Daddy was none too happy about this new discovery of jumping off the swings into the pool. Yeah. I had told them no because I didn't want them missing the pool and cracking their head open on the ground. Well, as I was sitting there reading (and paying no attention, smack my hands, yes I'm a bad mom) 10 feet away, they were swinging when I heard the water splash. I look up to see them both with huge smiles on their faces and excitement. So I started paying attention and snapped a few photos and video(which unfortunately encouraged them too). They've been spending lots of time in the pool and mysteriously, they are still pasty pale white. Hardly a trace of tan. It's so odd. They just don't tan at all! They haven't burned yet either, so I suppose that's a good thing.

Next we have...Crafts!!




10 points to anyone who knows what this is!! lol





As I said before...Darn you Martha Stewart!!!! These little craft packs were for 4 year olds. Ummm, yeah. I could barely get them to work and look halfway decent, my 5 and 8 year old surely couldn't!! They got too frustrated, so I let my little guy do 2 out of 4 barnyard pompom animals and my big guy do one pipe cleaner animal. I will say, this was definitely NOT one of my more favorite summer activities!! lol

Then there has been this, also not so much fun for mom activity....playing in mud every single time it rains. Which has been quite often lately. And if you don't have rain? Make your own mud.





I didn't get the pictures where they were covered head to toe in mud, twice in one day, because I was too livid and my hands were doing other things to little hinneys. Yeah. You would think they would have learned their lesson after the first time, but no. I try to keep my cool as long as mud is concentrated on hands and feet because I know they are having fun, but head to toe? No.

We also went to quite a few of the programs at the library. Every Tuesday was story time and a craft. The crafts usually were based off the subject of the book that day. They ranged from origami dogs and butterflies to little worry dolls made out of paperclips, fabric and yarn. They also made little space ships. Then they also had other programs such as Magic or Science? (think Bill Nye the Science Guy) and lego building. So that was always fun and took up an hour at a time. They also showed WallE one day which was nice because I hadn't seen that. It also got the kids reading (and me reading more myself and to my little guy) for the summer reading program. It ends tomorrow. I'm not sure if I won anything, I got an entry per book that I read and they are giving away $25 gift certificates to certain stores around town. Then at the end they do a drawing for a meeting with an author. I'm not sure the specifics on that though. And then the grand prize drawing is two airplane tickets!! Can you believe the library giving away something like that? I don't know the specifics on that either, but I thought that's cool. I'd be happy with a $25 certificate though. The kids got little prizes as they went along their reading path. Their reading was measured in hours, not books, so after so many hours they would get different prizes such as stickers, noise makers (yipee) a little book, etc.

For some good news, my husband got "the call" from his older son (19 yrs old). He has some questions. We haven't heard from him in about 3 years after an incident that happened that really upset my hubby. "The call" was the call about questions he had about things his mother says his dad has or hasn't done over the years and he wants to know from my hubby what's all true and what isn't. Can I just say WOW?? Some of the stuff we are finding out she's said about my hubby makes me want to run to an attorney and file a defamation of character lawsuit against her. But whatever, we are just happy he is finally seeing the light and isn't under her spell anymore. I could say lots more, but I'll just say it's a happy time. We will be meeting his fiance (yes, he's engaged now) probably in a week or two when he can save enough money to come to see us (he lives a little over an hour away and I told hubby I'd like to take them out to dinner or something). So yay for that!! He's been calling hubby every day since Wednesday when he first called.

Then, I've got two job prospects in the works. Cross your fingers one of them pans out. Money is definitely drying up quicker now that hubby isn't working as much because he's going to school. I had an interview over the phone the beginning of July and then went for skills testing a week later for the county housing authority here. That would be a great job with high starting pay and excellent benefits. I had an interview for a different job yesterday and I felt it went really really well. The only thing I believe holding anyone from hiring me is my ex boss. I don't know if there's a possibility he's telling people something bad when they call to check. I don't list them on my reference sheet, but that doesn't stop people from calling prior employers. And attorneys are sneaky little craps when they want to be. So if I don't get either of these jobs with the strong interview results I've had, I'm having someone pretend to be a potential employer and call to see if he might be saying bad things about me, and if he is, I'm reporting him. So, hopefully, by the time the kiddies start school, I may be gainfully employed.

Ok, that's enough for now. I'll post about fort making, the lead line show and the beach (I still have to download my pictures for the second show and the beach) maybe sometime this weekend or early next week. I may have zoo pictures to add in by then :)) Have a great day.

Finally Friday Funnies!!!!

Ok, getting back on track with "normal" life, lol, here are some friday foonies for my favorite friends :)

Who Wants to Be....A Millionaire?
A contestant, Sally, on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.

And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:

A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture"

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline.. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not have to use it because . . . her friend was, well, a blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.

The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo."

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?"

"Yes, that is my final answer."

"That answer is Absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!"

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.

"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
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Grandma Still Drives

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
;
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma
__________________________
To Be Old:

OLD people have problems that you haven't even Considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a Sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this Jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow".

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the Doctor's' office and gave him the jar, which was as Clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her Right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She Tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and She tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the Jar open.'
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and last but not least in honor of the state of this lovely economy (which because of, I still have no job...) I give you:
Top 12 Indicators the Economy is Bad

12. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

11. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

10. I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank.

9. Hotwheels and Matchbox car companies are now trading higher than GM in the stock market.

8. Obama met with small businesses - GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and GM, to discuss the Stimulus Package.

7. McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

6. People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and are learning their children’s names.

5. The most highly-paid job is now jury duty. (LOL - I'm supposed to go for jury duty August 10th and 11th)

4. People in Africa are donating money to Americans. Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, “finish your plate; do you know how many kids are starving in America?”

3. Motel Six won’t leave the lights on.

2. The Mafia is laying off judges.

1. If the bank returns your check marked as “insufficient funds,” you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.

Hope those brought some laughter to your life this wonderful glorious friday. I went to the beach with the boys today. I will attempt to make a post this weekend with pictures of everything I wrote about on Wednesday (I think it was Wed.). It didn't work out yesterday. lol

Forever and A Day

Ok. I'm back, and with a vengeance. hehehe. Just kidding. I've had some minor health issues and have been spending mucho time with the wee little ones and doing one of my favorite things, aside from spending time with the kids and horses. (my girl is now only taking two tries to get the left lead, yay!!) Reading. So I'm starting to slowly get back into things and catch up on everyone's blogs. My eyes start crossing though, so it's slow going. lol Must be this old age thing beginning to creep up on me :)

I will have a friday funnies again this week and hopefully before then I'll do a post on some of the things the little guys have been keeping me busy with :) To list a few:
- going to the library twice a week for their programs (which tomorrow is the last day of, sadly)
- Tater has been in two horse shows for lead line (he LOVED it and it was super cute)
- They've been swimming like little fish while I sit and read and enjoy the sun (when not on medication which made me fry and blister quicker than if I stuck my hand in the oven, so I had to sit in shade quite often)
- They've done some little crafty things I found (damn you super smart martha stewart! I don't know what 4 year olds she tried these crafts on, but I ended up having trouble with them!!)

and some other little things.

So, there's some stuff in a nutshell. Hopefully when I get more time I will do a more detailed post with some pictures of the above things. Hope everyone else is having a good summer and relaxing! And I'm going to keep trying to catch up. I hope no one thinks I'm ignoring them :) I'm not and eager to get back into the swing of things.

Those two little words..

What two little words, usually long and drawn out, do mom's LOVE (enter sarcasm) to hear most from their dear little children? I'll give you a major hint, it starts being used more often in the summer after school is out. Yep, "Iiiiiiiii'mmmmm booooorrrred." My older son hasn't even been out of school a WEEK and I'm already getting this from him. Of course, he doesn't like MY suggestions (clean up your toys, clean your room, do the dishes, play with the dogs, etc.) and whines. He thinks we should have a day trip EVERY DAY. Rain or shine, he wakes up with a list of places he wants to go to and things he wants to see or do that day. That would be great, if I was a millionaire!!! lol But I'm not, so I'm on the hunt for things to do with the boys that is cheap, easy, and fun. I'd welcome ANY suggestions you may have. I think going to the playground will only last so many days. lol We have a library a block from our house, so that is being frequented already. Thankfully they started their summer reading program, so my older son is super excited to get reading and put his name in for the drawings. They also have afternoon programs once a week that we plan on going to. We do have our zoo, which is rated one of the top 10 in the country. We'll be going to that too. I don't quite think I want to go a week though. They like to try to get me to let them ride the train (it's only $2, but that's $2 that needs to be going elsewhere) and buy souvenirs and junk food. I normally pack snacks and drinks to take so that we don't have to spend $5 on a hamburger. I'd love to go out to the barn every day, but that 1/2 hour drive really sucks down gas and then the hubby would be mad that we moved to a new barn so that HE can ride and we'd be going without him. lol So, any suggestions, I'm open :)

Speaking of new barn.....things are going well. The stalls are actually 12x12 instead of the 10x10 we had. It's nice they have more room to walk around and lay and stuff, but that also means more space to spread out their waste. Yeah, more stall to clean. And believe me, they BOTH have no problem spreading the wealth in that area. lol We went out Monday and we both rode. The older mare's back is clearing up beautifully from that fungus or whatever the heck it was that was making her sensitive and lose hair. Her hair is growing back and she's not sensitive anymore, so my husband decided to ride. I used the barn owner's saddle pad that has the extra padding in the wither area like he suggested. Yeah. My mare freaked out. I'm sure it would help, but I think it just felt too different for her. When I was finally able to swing myself up (she was dancing around mad, like those irish lord of the dance dancers), she started to buck a little. I kept only my left foot in the stirrup in case I needed to fling myself off, but she stopped. She was still really antsy and my whole saddle and pad were crooked. So I ended up getting down and switching back to my old set up. Not a problem. I could tell a difference immediately, even just walking her back to the arena. She was so much more relaxed. I would say don't fix what's not broken, but I think she does need that more padded saddle pad. I might try it again here and maybe try to lunge her and walk around first a little. The rest of the ride went uneventful. Both horses are doing really well and we're glad everythings going good.

I um, sent a little something to the old barn owners. I couldn't help myself. lol With his parting wish for me to say hi to the new people and making sure to let me know he knows them, I couldn't resist. I sent a little semi-sarcastic thank you note. It said thanks for all the clothes they've given us for the boys because that I really was thankful for. And thanks for putting up with my mare, who I know could be a handful (being said tongue in cheek). Then I explained that we left because of a certain boarder who made it uncomfortable for us and that I hoped she didn't ruin fun for his future boarders. I addressed the letter to the barn owner AND his wife because I know the wife doesn't like that boarder who was nasty to us. So she might say something and put that lady in her place. That would please me to no end. I know we'll probably never run into any of those people because we never did outside of the barn in the two years we were there. So it's all good. I let our feelings be known. They could be taken as sarcastic or as really thankful, so I'll let them choose which way they want to take it.

It's rainy here, again. We normally are in the upper 80's for a bit in June. So far we have had maybe 2 days of mid 80's and h-u-m-i-d. I know not nearly as bad as the south is having, but it's so miserable. Not fun to ride in, that's for sure. Hope you all are having a good week and that your summer has kicked off to a fun start, unlike what I'm told is happening in our house. lol

Foooony Friday Funnies

Here are your weekly friday funnies. Hope you enjoy!!

Golf
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched In horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin,
Fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

He replied: It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken!
__________________________

Linda and Deloris
Linda and Deloris are outside their home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Deloris pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Linda: What in the hell is that?

Deloris: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Linda: Where did you get it?

Deloris: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Linda hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 70 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.
__________________________
Things NEVER said by Southerners
- Duct tape won't fix that.

- Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

- We don't keep firearms in the house.

- You can't feed that to the dog.

- The kids can't ride in the back of the pickup -- it's just not safe.

- Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

- We're vegetarians.

- Do you think my gut is too big?

- Honey, we don't need another dog.

- Who's Richard Petty?

- We could just share a small bag of pork rinds

- Too many deer heads detract from the decor

- I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today (That's for you Mrs. Mom, we know how you LOVE Wally World, lol. You might be the only Southerner to say those words)

- Is there anything in this restaurant that's NOT fried?

- The tires on that truck are too big.

- I've got it all on the C drive.

- There's too much sugar in this tea.

- Checkmate.

- I believe you cooked those greens too long
____________________________
Southern Values
There once was a young man named Billy Bob. Now, Billy Bob was a normal Southern boy looking for a nice Southern girl to be his wife. One day, at a mud wrestling match, he met beautiful Tammy Jo. They fell in love and got married. To celebrate their marriage they spent their wedding night at a Super 8 motel in their home town. Tammy Jo was very excited. She had bought some nice lingerie and Billy Bob thought she was absolutely breathtaking.

As they were getting hot and heavy, Tammy Jo said, “Be gentle with me, I'm a virgin.” Billy Bob was totally outraged to hear this revelation. He jumped up, dragged Tammy Jo out of the room, drove to her parents' house and left her crying on the doorstep.

Billy Bob immediately went over to his father's house and told him what had just happened. “She said she was a virgin... A VIRGIN!” To which his father replied, “Well son, as I've always told you, if she ain't good enough for her own family, she sure ain't good enough for ours!”

(ok,ok, that one WAS bad, lol, I’ll try to redeem myself with the next one)
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Rules For Yankees Who Move To The South

- Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know.

- Don't laugh at folk's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy, MariBeth and Inez have been known to whip a man's ass for less than that.

- Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda; this can lead to a beating. Down here it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi.

- Southern women don't fancy to smart mouth Yankees. Just remember, they all have brothers and daddies.

- Don't show allegiances to any other school in football other than an ACC or SEC team. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who play Wyoming every week.

- Don't call us a bunch of hillbillies. Most of us are better educated than you and a whole lot nicer to boot.

- Yes, we know the humidity is high; just quit bitching, spend your money and go home.

- No, the state symbol of North Carolina is not the orange and white highway barrel. This road construction is pissing us off too.

- Don't go to the Cracker Barrel and order toast. If you do this everyone will know you're from Ohio. Just eat the biscuits like God meant for you to do.

- Don't try to talk with a Southern accent if you don't have one. Nothing makes us madder than a Southern wannabe.

- Don't be telling everybody how much better it was back home. If you don't like it here, get your sorry ass back home!

- We don't play lacrosse or none of them other sissy northern games, so don't be asking about no scores, cause we just don't care.

- Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

- If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba." You have a 75% chance of being right.

- Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

- If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

- Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

- Do not buy food at the movie store.

- If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

- Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

- Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

- People walk slower here.

- Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

- The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new Southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

- The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

- Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here

Ok, if that didn't redeem me, I will make SURE to get some Northerner and Yankee jokes up next week for ya!! lol Have a great weekend (and maybe drier) everyone! Last weekend of soccer for us, maybe I'll actually get some pictures this time! I keep forgetting my camera.

So many things

Well, horses got moved to the new barn Sunday evening without incident and settled into their stalls. Thankfully there weren't too many people around to butt in and ask nosey questions. Anyone we actually care to talk to from there has our phone numbers and have/can call us to ask. The barn owner (at the old barn) was quite smug thinking that he was going to trap me into something I think. My dad and I were cleaning out the stalls before my hubby and the trailer arrived. The barn owner came over and said "So, where you guys going to?" We know he already knew, and besides that, the tone of his voice told me too. I said the name and that was it, while I continued working. I wasn't going to be nasty or rude, but I surely wasn't going to be holding a long drawn out explanation of anything. He doesn't deserve one. He's like "Oh" in a flat voice, again telling me he already knew. Then he says "You know, I've known their kids for a really long time. We all grew up together and they showed with my son. Yeah, we're good friends." I just said "Uh huh." Now I know who told him we were moving and to where. That's fine, I really didn't care as long as the things at that barn that we didn't like, weren't happening at the new barn. That was all he said. Then as we were pulling out, he yelled out "Bye! Tell Kelly (one of new barn owners daughters) I said hi!!" Yeah, whatever dude. If you're such good friends, call her up and tell her hi yourself. I'm so glad to be out of there.

So far so good at the new barn. We walked the girls around the aisles and in the indoor arena (it was raining so we didn't go outside) so they can get used to all the new and different stuff. I tried lunging my mare and darn it if she isn't back to her old trick of not lunging to the left. After all that freaking work I did to get her going last time. I guess I'm going to have to buy myself a nice little lunge whip, since I haven't seen any communal ones at the new barn, and go back to that. Then I'll have to make sure to keep up on that. Then the ding dong, I had her tied to her stall and I knew the tie was a little loose, but she was doing ok and I was right there. Sure enough, I lean down for 1/2 a second to grab a different brush and she gets the tie over her neck and starts flipping out. It was only a second before I could get her to stop rearing enough and reached over to pull the quick release. She settled down right away, but so embarrassing to have everyone peaking around the corner to stare. They probably thinks we're dumb. lol Oh well. Then yesterday we gave our older girl a much much needed bath. She somehow has something on her back and above her tail bone that looks like rain rot. How the HECK she got that I have no idea since she hasn't been anywhere where she's gotten wet and she never got rode hard enough to get sweaty. And we always make sure to brush them good after we ride too. So I have no idea where the heck it came from. The new barn has hot water!! yay!! She was so scared to go into the water stall though, and she's never hesitant to do anything. I think because she didn't see a way out except the opening. I don't know HOW we're going to get my mare in there without major incident. I'm thinking of trying to back her in rather than walk in and turn her around and risk her getting goofy and slipping. There's about a 2 inch step down, but that shouldn't be a big deal. My mare whinnied like there was no tomorrow when we took our other mare out to wash and not her. The guy barn owner looked at us and said hmmm, maybe we'll be moving one of them for awhile, she's too attached. I told him the funny thing is, they've been stalled 4 stalls apart for the last two years until the week and 1/2 before we moved! My mare gets attached to whoever is next to her. Always has been. The worst part is that her whinny is SO high pitched. It's really loud. lol

The GREAT news is that the owner is digging up the smaller pasture right outside the indoor arena because he's thinking of making an outdoor arena. I was jumping for joy. It will be really nice so that I can get my mare used to riding outside, but still have some sort of confinement in case I come off :)) We definitely feel that we made the right move. It was so funny, when we first put the mares in their stalls, they have two draft percherons stalled behind them that were looking up over the tops of the stalls. They are a good 18 hands at least. Our mares look like minis trying to look up to see them!! lol They have an 8 horse, all completely black percheron hitch. It is too cool. Two of the percherons have babies :)) And apparently there is someone in town close by that has a black horse drawn hurse for funerals. That is SO how I want to be taken around after I die. Way too cool. I think I'll ride my girl tomorrow and see how she does. I've lunged her and walked her around enough the past two days to let her see everything, hopefully it will be an uneventful ride. Hopefully.

Aside from that, the job search is still going. I didn't get a second call back from the place I interviewed with, so that was disappointing, and no calls yet from the other two prospective places. I have been able to get a LOT of reading done, which I hadn't been able to do in a long loooooong time, so that's nice. The boys are liking the frequent trips to the library. Unfortunately my younger son didn't pass the evaluation for kindergarten and it was highly recommended we didn't enroll him for that, but for a preK class they offer. I would rather him start late than struggle and hate school or be held back at the end though. Him and I will be working diligently this summer on stuff. I guess we just made a series of bad choices in daycares. They tended to focus on his behavior rather than learning, which sucked.

I think I'm going slightly crazy though not having the mental stimulation of work. I frequently have trouble getting and staying asleep and I find myself thinking about the most ridiculous things. I would think reading and doing things with my boy would wear me out, but it just doesn't. I don't know what else to do. I'm loving my time off, but my mind is going a little silly sometimes.

It's raining here, again. Thankfully it's just a little bit and steady, not torrential pouring like last year. Thankfully the new barn didn't flood any last year like the old barn did. So that won't be a problem. My son has had a bit of a temperature the past two days, but he's feeling ok enough to run around the house making me crazy. I think we'll go to the mall today to let him play on the playground to run off some energy. lol And I can get a nice sweet lemonade.