THE Best Divorce Letter Ever
Dear wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S.. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a
problem.
______________________________________
Don’t Lie to Mama
Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.
About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?
'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Peter.
So he sat down and wrote
DEAR MOTHER,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE PETER
Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read
DEAR SON,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.
LOVE MUM
Lesson of the day,
NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER
________________________________
Hookers
A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.
"Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers. They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?"
"They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.
___________________________________
And the last quote of the day……
Quote of the day: Behold the Woman
"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit."
__________________________________
Happy Labor Day Weekend everyone!! Our big county fair started today so we'll be there all week with beeeeutiful weather.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Some Friday Funnies to brighten the weekend
Wow. This week in the blog world seems to be very dark. It seems like on every blog, someone (or animal)has gotten hurt, or there has been a loss of some sort. So here are some funnies that I hope will bring even a little smile to someone's lips.
The Candy with the Holes in the Middle
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red......................Cherry
Yellow...............Lemon
Green..................Lime
Orange .................Orange
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None
of the children could identify the taste.
The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father.'
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!
The teacher had to leave the room!
________________________________________________
Great Ride
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'.
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old.
If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
_____________________________________
How about some humor about some politicians now.
A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in trouble!
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
2 I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but
Capetown is in Massachusetts .''
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, '' Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa ''
his response -- click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada?''
I said, ''No.''
She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)
6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.
7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.
8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?''
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''
10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane.
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''
12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''
Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!
Could anyone be this DUMB?
YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO REED.
__________________________________
I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration. Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.
Hope everyone has a good weekend and better week next week.
The Candy with the Holes in the Middle
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red......................Cherry
Yellow...............Lemon
Green..................Lime
Orange .................Orange
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None
of the children could identify the taste.
The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father.'
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!
The teacher had to leave the room!
________________________________________________
Great Ride
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'.
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old.
If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
_____________________________________
How about some humor about some politicians now.
A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in trouble!
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
2 I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but
Capetown is in Massachusetts .''
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, '' Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa ''
his response -- click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada?''
I said, ''No.''
She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)
6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.
7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.
8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?''
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''
10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane.
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''
12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''
Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!
Could anyone be this DUMB?
YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO REED.
__________________________________
I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration. Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.
Hope everyone has a good weekend and better week next week.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
And the winner is.......
.....Miss Lisa at Laughing Orca Ranch!!!! By default of being the only one to attempt to answer, but also for getting a wonderful 11 answers right, thank you Lisa for being a sport and attempting my quiz. Just let me know which prize you'd like to claim and I will attempt to get it to you asap.
Here are the answers:
1. 8
2. 2 horses, 3 dogs and 3 fish (I forgot I never posted about the black algae eater we acquired a few months back).
3. Our 161 lb mastiff/akita's nickname is....big dog
4. Favorite breed - good answer Lisa, I've always liked Fjords too
5. ezra_pandora for my google name, and basically all my email addresses too, was from my first dog, a chow/boarder collie mix. We were playing with her at the humane society when she was a puppy and I had to have her. Ezra just popped into my head, even though it's a boys name, although I argue because aside from Joshua and a few other biblical names, I don't think there are hardly any boys names compared to the endless girls names that end with "a" or the "uh" sound. Contrary to popular belief, she was NOT named after the band Better Than Ezra, which I had not heard of at the time. Anyhow. I decided to give her a middle name and pandora's box was always my favorite mythology tale. So there you have it!
6. Sonny's Hot and Sassie
7. A purple knitted hat (from Lisa) and Ouchies (from Funky Monkey), and English Toffee
8. A dapple gray angel horse
9. Two. A Black Widow and my Paint Horse mare
10. My 57 Cadillac
11. I posted around last Halloween about some of the scary or ESP or ghostly experiences that have happened in my family from my grandma dreaming of my uncle's death, to a light in our living room turning on, to toys turning on in my boys' bed to the rocking chair in my mom's room moving across the room.
12. Sharp Shooter Award for his astounding sniper skills
13. Las Vegas at the Little Church of the West
14. everyone knows you're from Ohio if you go to the Cracker Barrel in the South and order toast.
15. A Picture is worth 1000 words in this case:
Isn't that a beauty?? Aren't the Percherons absolutely breathtaking? I love them so much. We went to the free fair this past weekend and the barn owner's son was asked to drive the horse drawn hearse with two of their black Percheron in the parade. Then a little later in the parade was the barn owner in a Shriner carriage with two more black Percheron.
Before that parade, I didn't know the barn owner was a Shriner and has been for 48 years, I believe he said. In the 2 hour parade, over 1/2 the parade was Shriner's from all over the country. I'm going to do a separate post because I never knew too much about Shriners, but I'll go into that when I post about the parade. Some neat stuff in there.
So there you have it! The answers to my insignificant little post that Lisa was kind enough to try to answer and win herself a prize for my 100th post :) But she hasn't told me yet what she would like, so I'm waiting for that :)
Here are the answers:
1. 8
2. 2 horses, 3 dogs and 3 fish (I forgot I never posted about the black algae eater we acquired a few months back).
3. Our 161 lb mastiff/akita's nickname is....big dog
4. Favorite breed - good answer Lisa, I've always liked Fjords too
5. ezra_pandora for my google name, and basically all my email addresses too, was from my first dog, a chow/boarder collie mix. We were playing with her at the humane society when she was a puppy and I had to have her. Ezra just popped into my head, even though it's a boys name, although I argue because aside from Joshua and a few other biblical names, I don't think there are hardly any boys names compared to the endless girls names that end with "a" or the "uh" sound. Contrary to popular belief, she was NOT named after the band Better Than Ezra, which I had not heard of at the time. Anyhow. I decided to give her a middle name and pandora's box was always my favorite mythology tale. So there you have it!
6. Sonny's Hot and Sassie
7. A purple knitted hat (from Lisa) and Ouchies (from Funky Monkey), and English Toffee
8. A dapple gray angel horse
9. Two. A Black Widow and my Paint Horse mare
10. My 57 Cadillac
11. I posted around last Halloween about some of the scary or ESP or ghostly experiences that have happened in my family from my grandma dreaming of my uncle's death, to a light in our living room turning on, to toys turning on in my boys' bed to the rocking chair in my mom's room moving across the room.
12. Sharp Shooter Award for his astounding sniper skills
13. Las Vegas at the Little Church of the West
14. everyone knows you're from Ohio if you go to the Cracker Barrel in the South and order toast.
15. A Picture is worth 1000 words in this case:
Isn't that a beauty?? Aren't the Percherons absolutely breathtaking? I love them so much. We went to the free fair this past weekend and the barn owner's son was asked to drive the horse drawn hearse with two of their black Percheron in the parade. Then a little later in the parade was the barn owner in a Shriner carriage with two more black Percheron.
Before that parade, I didn't know the barn owner was a Shriner and has been for 48 years, I believe he said. In the 2 hour parade, over 1/2 the parade was Shriner's from all over the country. I'm going to do a separate post because I never knew too much about Shriners, but I'll go into that when I post about the parade. Some neat stuff in there.
So there you have it! The answers to my insignificant little post that Lisa was kind enough to try to answer and win herself a prize for my 100th post :) But she hasn't told me yet what she would like, so I'm waiting for that :)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
100 Posts...and maybe a prize
I cannot believe I've made it to 100 posts and have had almost 2000 visits. Whoda thunk I could have anything interesting to say? Not me, that's for sure. I'd like to thank Mrs. Mom for getting me into this fine mess. I wouldn't give up my blogging experience for the world. I will say that I've met some really cool people and thankfully no nasty ones (at least not directed to me personally) yet. Between advice, help and some laughs, it's been a great experience.
So in celebration of my 100 posts about the wacky wonders that go through my mind, and those nice enough to attempt to follow, I'd like to offer a little quiz with the end result being a little gift. I have in mind to let the winner pick one of three things I may have to offer. One is homemade, the other two are not, but delicious all the same.
So without further ado, here are the rules. I have 15 questions and all but 2 of the answers can be found somewhere in the 100 posts on my blog. The winner will be the first person to answer all 15 questions right. If by chance no one gets all 15 right, then the person who gets the most right wins. If by chance more than one person gets the same number right and there is a tie, I may consider using just the first person who got the highest number, or I might do two prizes. If it gets to be more than two, then I'll just have to do a drawing of the people who tied for the highest number. Sound fair? If not, let me know, 'cause I'm all about trying to be fair.
Last Rule: The cutoff for answers will be Monday, August 17, 2009 at midnight. (midnight as in between Mon. and Tues., just to clarify)
Here goes:
1. How many pets do I CURRENTLY have? (clue - the side bar is NOT current)
2. What are they?
3. What is the nickname we've given our dog, the Mastiff/Akita?
4. What is your favorite breed of horse and why?
5. What is your best guess at why I chose my google name of ezra_pandora.
6. What is my paint mare's registered name?
7. What 3 gifts/prizes have I gotten/won from online blogs and from whom?
8. What tops my Christmas tree?
9. How many tattoos do I have and what are they?
10. What big ticket item did I once buy at a flea market?
11. Briefly describe my one my(or my family's) ghostly experiences.
12. What award did my nephew receive when he graduated from the Army ROTC?
13. Where did I get married?
14. How will everyone know you're from Ohio if you go to the Cracker Barrel in the South?
and last but certainly not least....
15. What do I want used in my funeral procession?
There you have it. Best wishes, I now need to go back through again and write down MY answers, lol!! To make if fair, I'm hiding reader comments until it's over so that way there's no "sharing" answers. lol If there are any issues or questions on rules, I will put a little addition to the bottom of the post with some ***'s by it so you know that's new. But I think I covered everything pretty good.
Ok, Ok. Do you want to know prizes? I wanted to keep it a secret, but then maybe no one would want to participate in my evil fun, so I'll tell you. The winner will have their choice of one of the following: A) 6 scrapbook pages (3- 2 page layouts) ready to just add pictures to, tailor made to what I know from you and your blog, if you have one, and after asking you a few questions. If you don't have a blog, then I may make something up after asking you a few questions; B) A box of Toffee from none other than English Toffee Anytime (deeeelishis) or lastly C) Some sort of either chocolate dipped fruit or a small edible fruit arrangement from ediblearrangements.com. I will tell you that if you choose prize C, it is dependent on your location. So that option may not be available. But we can see.
So, have fun!!! I'll be back next Tuesday or Wednesday with the results.
So in celebration of my 100 posts about the wacky wonders that go through my mind, and those nice enough to attempt to follow, I'd like to offer a little quiz with the end result being a little gift. I have in mind to let the winner pick one of three things I may have to offer. One is homemade, the other two are not, but delicious all the same.
So without further ado, here are the rules. I have 15 questions and all but 2 of the answers can be found somewhere in the 100 posts on my blog. The winner will be the first person to answer all 15 questions right. If by chance no one gets all 15 right, then the person who gets the most right wins. If by chance more than one person gets the same number right and there is a tie, I may consider using just the first person who got the highest number, or I might do two prizes. If it gets to be more than two, then I'll just have to do a drawing of the people who tied for the highest number. Sound fair? If not, let me know, 'cause I'm all about trying to be fair.
Last Rule: The cutoff for answers will be Monday, August 17, 2009 at midnight. (midnight as in between Mon. and Tues., just to clarify)
Here goes:
1. How many pets do I CURRENTLY have? (clue - the side bar is NOT current)
2. What are they?
3. What is the nickname we've given our dog, the Mastiff/Akita?
4. What is your favorite breed of horse and why?
5. What is your best guess at why I chose my google name of ezra_pandora.
6. What is my paint mare's registered name?
7. What 3 gifts/prizes have I gotten/won from online blogs and from whom?
8. What tops my Christmas tree?
9. How many tattoos do I have and what are they?
10. What big ticket item did I once buy at a flea market?
11. Briefly describe my one my(or my family's) ghostly experiences.
12. What award did my nephew receive when he graduated from the Army ROTC?
13. Where did I get married?
14. How will everyone know you're from Ohio if you go to the Cracker Barrel in the South?
and last but certainly not least....
15. What do I want used in my funeral procession?
There you have it. Best wishes, I now need to go back through again and write down MY answers, lol!! To make if fair, I'm hiding reader comments until it's over so that way there's no "sharing" answers. lol If there are any issues or questions on rules, I will put a little addition to the bottom of the post with some ***'s by it so you know that's new. But I think I covered everything pretty good.
Ok, Ok. Do you want to know prizes? I wanted to keep it a secret, but then maybe no one would want to participate in my evil fun, so I'll tell you. The winner will have their choice of one of the following: A) 6 scrapbook pages (3- 2 page layouts) ready to just add pictures to, tailor made to what I know from you and your blog, if you have one, and after asking you a few questions. If you don't have a blog, then I may make something up after asking you a few questions; B) A box of Toffee from none other than English Toffee Anytime (deeeelishis) or lastly C) Some sort of either chocolate dipped fruit or a small edible fruit arrangement from ediblearrangements.com. I will tell you that if you choose prize C, it is dependent on your location. So that option may not be available. But we can see.
So, have fun!!! I'll be back next Tuesday or Wednesday with the results.
Monday, August 10, 2009
So much for plans!
I HAD planned last week on posting pictures of lead line and the zoo and all that good stuff. I ended up getting too busy that I don't even remember what I did last week before Thursday!! lol
Thursday we went to the zoo for 6 hours. My dad's little neighbor boy was begging my dad to take him to the zoo and my boys had been begging me, so I decided that was a fine idea. We went and got there right before the zoo opened so we got in line first. It was pretty uneventful. All I know is that apparently 6 hours on your feet and kids are STILL not worn out!! Even with letting them run and play on the playground for 1/2 hour while I crashed on the bench! Ahhh, to be an energetic kid again.
Our zoo is like #5 in the country I believe. It seems each year they are building something new. In June they opened a new kids discovery center. It's not quite like the old petting zoo they built it over, not as many animals to interact with, but it's just like the name says, a discovery center. It's definitely kid oriented for kids to understand and hands on with stuff.
Here are some pictures I took. I took over 100 I think, but I'm surely not going to sit here all day putting them up and I know you all don't want to see every last one of them! I did take pictures of name plaques though too to make sure I knew what to label the animals when I'm doing my scrapbook pages.
When you go into the zoo and over the bridge, this is at the bottom of the stairs. My boys are in the middle, my dad on the right and his neighbor boy Spencer on the left. Our zoo has 2 polar bears and there were supposed to be 2 cubs born I believe 2 years ago. We didn't see the cubs, and I'm not really sure if they are still there or if they have already been farmed out. I believe they are still at our zoo though.
Then we went over to the bears, tigers and penguin area. They were feeding the penguins and we got to see that which was neat. Then through the wooden fence behind the penguins one of the white lions was roaring. Everyone ran over to the tall fence to peek through try to catch a glimpse of it. I found a nice little space and got this picture.
Isn't he just breathtaking? There are only 50 white lions worldwide. The Toledo and Cincinnati Ohio Zoos are the only two U.S. Zoos to exhibit Sigfried and Roy's Timbavati white lions.
When we ventured over to the ape and monkey enclosures, all of the big gorillas were outside in their enclosures. This big daddy silver back gorilla was hanging out in a v-shape portion of the glass separator. He had been looking off and over to his left, so I just bid my time and as soon as he looked over in our direction, right at us, I snapped the picture. A guy behind me was quite impressed with the shot, lol.
When went through the part of the zoo with rhinos, camels, and elephants, I got pictures of our female elephant and her 6 year old son, who will be forever called "baby" Louie. They were just starting to eat their breakfast. The zoo puts their treats and meals in items so that they have to work for them for enrichment. Here Louie is trying to get some apples and stuff out of a hanging tire and barrel at the top of a pole. They also had 3 or 4 big tires stacked at the bottom of the pole that the elephants had to lift with their trunk or foot to get the food from.
Here's a picture of one of the two rhinos they had just let out of the indoor enclosure.
They are actually building an entire new HUGE enrichment enclosure for the elephants. It's due to be finished in November of this year. I can't wait to go see that.
After we went to the zoo on Thursday, we went to the fair at the county below ours with my trainer and my friend who is his girlfriend. She's really giving me lessons as I need them now, so I really don't have a trainer so to speak any more. I didn't get any pictures because we were only there for about 3 hours. We walked through animal barns and got to see the little piglet races. That was fun. In the horse barn we ran into EVERYONE it seemed like. Some people we used to board with when we first got our horses. Our current barn owner. They were grand marshalls of the fair because they have the big 8 horse all black Percheron hitch. They are really really involved in the fair each year.
That was thursday. Then friday morning I had my second interview for the job I interviewed at the week before. I think it went really well, but I won't hear anything until next week because the first attorney is on vacation until next week. I really really hope I get it. Cross your fingers for me because my husband got laid off Friday as well. Thankfully, since he is going to school, unemployment doesn't require him to have to find a job, but with me not working, one of us HAS to get a job soon. It should be me so that he can finish school and get good grades as he has to go to 4 days during the week beginning in January. Ideally we BOTH should get jobs, but since he's going to school, I would be ok if he found something maybe part time, like nights or weekends.
After I was done with my interview, my cousin had wanted to do something, so we went back down to the fair since the boys didn't get to ride any rides the night before. They rode rides, played a few games and we walked around a little. After we went home, it was time for the first night of the family reunion!! My mom was one of 5 kids and each year for the past 10 years, we've had a family reunion with all the immediate family, like my aunts and uncles and all us cousins. The family has since grown from about 25 people to about 45 or so with all the cousins spouses and OUR kids now. lol It's quite a sight. When it first started, they didn't want the normal, get together and eat and talk reunion. No. We go all out and it's a 3 day event. And when I say event, I mean event with games and prizes and a trophy at the end. lol Friday night is always a cook out and then an UNO tournament. We start out with about 5 tables of 8 people (not everyone plays because of kids or other stuff) and then it finally whittles down to one table of 5 people. The first year it lasted until like 2 in the morning. We've since gotten the swing of it and this year it ended around 9 or so. lol WE don't mess around anymore because we have to get up early and we all meet at a park at 9 am the next morning for a nice game of LOSER. LOSER is like PIG, but with more letters and 40 people playing. That basically takes up most of the morning until we have lunch. My one uncle's mother-in-law makes a nice HUGE lunch for all of us. This year there was subs, deviled eggs, fried chicken, and other various side dishes. Yum yum.
After lunch, we play an assortment of events like corn hole (each person throws 8 bags and various points are assigned and however many points you get, you are then placed in an order as to who won) and golf (you hit 4 balls and the closes ball is measured a distance from a pole and you are assigned points based on how close you got). The whole weekend is based on points. Like for UNO, the very last person standing gets the most points. The first people out from each table are given 0's. The idea of the weekend is to win each even and accumulate the highest number of points over all to win the trophy. Two years ago, I didn't win a single even, but placed high enough in each event that I won the trophy. So far in 10 years I'm the only female to win :)) The last two events each saturday at the obstacle course and 3 rounds of water balloon toss. Then we all wake up SUPER early Sunday morning for a big breakfast (dinner friday and breakfast sunday are made in my uncles driveway made in electric skillets and camp grills) from 7 am to 8:30 am and then awards are presented. We do it so early because we have family as far away as NC and Oklahoma that have to get back that day and they have looooon drives.
So, that my time from last thursday till yesterday. Imagine why I can't remember what all happened before that!!
Oh, yeah, and saturday after the family reunion my husband's oldest son (19) brought over his fiance (18) and we got to meet her :)
She's super cute. We took them out to dinner and then went to the barn to ride. They rode Sis, our old girl. My stupid horse (or should I say stupid me, lol) reared up and we fell over, again. You would think I would learn from all the other times that if she starts bucking and is prancy when I get on, that something is wrong and I need to fix it. The wires in my brain that controls my thought process are not letting this sink in. I keep thinking oh, she's just being stupid and that if I can stay on long enough, she'll quit it. NOT. And she never will. Here is the result:
Yeah, that's my knee. And I don't think it's even as dark of a bruise as it's going to get. As we were falling, I attempted to pull my leg out so that it wouldn't get crushed and some part of the saddle hit my knee. I cross myself and thank my lucky stars that nothing worse has happened and wonder when am I going to freaking learn that I need to just get off and try fix what's wrong?? My hubby said it looked like she was just trying to scramble away from me as we were falling back, and thankfully she doesn't run off once she gets me off. I really need to start listening to her. I think all it was, was that my saddle was about an inch further back than it normally was, and I didn't pull the saddle pad up under the cantle away from her withers like I normally do and it might have been pinching her. That's all I adjusted and she was fine after that. She's so touchy. Mares.
Ok, I'll save the beach, lead line and talking about old, old, old pictures that my dad brought over for me to see for my 100th post. Can you believe it?? Maybe I'll save those for my 101st post and do something special for a 100th post. hmmm, I'll have to think on that. Maybe some kind of little quiz about stuff in some of my posts. hehe.
Enjoy your day. HOT and MUUUUUUUGY here today for us. Thinking about going out to the pool for a bit.
Thursday we went to the zoo for 6 hours. My dad's little neighbor boy was begging my dad to take him to the zoo and my boys had been begging me, so I decided that was a fine idea. We went and got there right before the zoo opened so we got in line first. It was pretty uneventful. All I know is that apparently 6 hours on your feet and kids are STILL not worn out!! Even with letting them run and play on the playground for 1/2 hour while I crashed on the bench! Ahhh, to be an energetic kid again.
Our zoo is like #5 in the country I believe. It seems each year they are building something new. In June they opened a new kids discovery center. It's not quite like the old petting zoo they built it over, not as many animals to interact with, but it's just like the name says, a discovery center. It's definitely kid oriented for kids to understand and hands on with stuff.
Here are some pictures I took. I took over 100 I think, but I'm surely not going to sit here all day putting them up and I know you all don't want to see every last one of them! I did take pictures of name plaques though too to make sure I knew what to label the animals when I'm doing my scrapbook pages.
When you go into the zoo and over the bridge, this is at the bottom of the stairs. My boys are in the middle, my dad on the right and his neighbor boy Spencer on the left. Our zoo has 2 polar bears and there were supposed to be 2 cubs born I believe 2 years ago. We didn't see the cubs, and I'm not really sure if they are still there or if they have already been farmed out. I believe they are still at our zoo though.
Then we went over to the bears, tigers and penguin area. They were feeding the penguins and we got to see that which was neat. Then through the wooden fence behind the penguins one of the white lions was roaring. Everyone ran over to the tall fence to peek through try to catch a glimpse of it. I found a nice little space and got this picture.
Isn't he just breathtaking? There are only 50 white lions worldwide. The Toledo and Cincinnati Ohio Zoos are the only two U.S. Zoos to exhibit Sigfried and Roy's Timbavati white lions.
When we ventured over to the ape and monkey enclosures, all of the big gorillas were outside in their enclosures. This big daddy silver back gorilla was hanging out in a v-shape portion of the glass separator. He had been looking off and over to his left, so I just bid my time and as soon as he looked over in our direction, right at us, I snapped the picture. A guy behind me was quite impressed with the shot, lol.
When went through the part of the zoo with rhinos, camels, and elephants, I got pictures of our female elephant and her 6 year old son, who will be forever called "baby" Louie. They were just starting to eat their breakfast. The zoo puts their treats and meals in items so that they have to work for them for enrichment. Here Louie is trying to get some apples and stuff out of a hanging tire and barrel at the top of a pole. They also had 3 or 4 big tires stacked at the bottom of the pole that the elephants had to lift with their trunk or foot to get the food from.
Here's a picture of one of the two rhinos they had just let out of the indoor enclosure.
They are actually building an entire new HUGE enrichment enclosure for the elephants. It's due to be finished in November of this year. I can't wait to go see that.
After we went to the zoo on Thursday, we went to the fair at the county below ours with my trainer and my friend who is his girlfriend. She's really giving me lessons as I need them now, so I really don't have a trainer so to speak any more. I didn't get any pictures because we were only there for about 3 hours. We walked through animal barns and got to see the little piglet races. That was fun. In the horse barn we ran into EVERYONE it seemed like. Some people we used to board with when we first got our horses. Our current barn owner. They were grand marshalls of the fair because they have the big 8 horse all black Percheron hitch. They are really really involved in the fair each year.
That was thursday. Then friday morning I had my second interview for the job I interviewed at the week before. I think it went really well, but I won't hear anything until next week because the first attorney is on vacation until next week. I really really hope I get it. Cross your fingers for me because my husband got laid off Friday as well. Thankfully, since he is going to school, unemployment doesn't require him to have to find a job, but with me not working, one of us HAS to get a job soon. It should be me so that he can finish school and get good grades as he has to go to 4 days during the week beginning in January. Ideally we BOTH should get jobs, but since he's going to school, I would be ok if he found something maybe part time, like nights or weekends.
After I was done with my interview, my cousin had wanted to do something, so we went back down to the fair since the boys didn't get to ride any rides the night before. They rode rides, played a few games and we walked around a little. After we went home, it was time for the first night of the family reunion!! My mom was one of 5 kids and each year for the past 10 years, we've had a family reunion with all the immediate family, like my aunts and uncles and all us cousins. The family has since grown from about 25 people to about 45 or so with all the cousins spouses and OUR kids now. lol It's quite a sight. When it first started, they didn't want the normal, get together and eat and talk reunion. No. We go all out and it's a 3 day event. And when I say event, I mean event with games and prizes and a trophy at the end. lol Friday night is always a cook out and then an UNO tournament. We start out with about 5 tables of 8 people (not everyone plays because of kids or other stuff) and then it finally whittles down to one table of 5 people. The first year it lasted until like 2 in the morning. We've since gotten the swing of it and this year it ended around 9 or so. lol WE don't mess around anymore because we have to get up early and we all meet at a park at 9 am the next morning for a nice game of LOSER. LOSER is like PIG, but with more letters and 40 people playing. That basically takes up most of the morning until we have lunch. My one uncle's mother-in-law makes a nice HUGE lunch for all of us. This year there was subs, deviled eggs, fried chicken, and other various side dishes. Yum yum.
After lunch, we play an assortment of events like corn hole (each person throws 8 bags and various points are assigned and however many points you get, you are then placed in an order as to who won) and golf (you hit 4 balls and the closes ball is measured a distance from a pole and you are assigned points based on how close you got). The whole weekend is based on points. Like for UNO, the very last person standing gets the most points. The first people out from each table are given 0's. The idea of the weekend is to win each even and accumulate the highest number of points over all to win the trophy. Two years ago, I didn't win a single even, but placed high enough in each event that I won the trophy. So far in 10 years I'm the only female to win :)) The last two events each saturday at the obstacle course and 3 rounds of water balloon toss. Then we all wake up SUPER early Sunday morning for a big breakfast (dinner friday and breakfast sunday are made in my uncles driveway made in electric skillets and camp grills) from 7 am to 8:30 am and then awards are presented. We do it so early because we have family as far away as NC and Oklahoma that have to get back that day and they have looooon drives.
So, that my time from last thursday till yesterday. Imagine why I can't remember what all happened before that!!
Oh, yeah, and saturday after the family reunion my husband's oldest son (19) brought over his fiance (18) and we got to meet her :)
She's super cute. We took them out to dinner and then went to the barn to ride. They rode Sis, our old girl. My stupid horse (or should I say stupid me, lol) reared up and we fell over, again. You would think I would learn from all the other times that if she starts bucking and is prancy when I get on, that something is wrong and I need to fix it. The wires in my brain that controls my thought process are not letting this sink in. I keep thinking oh, she's just being stupid and that if I can stay on long enough, she'll quit it. NOT. And she never will. Here is the result:
Yeah, that's my knee. And I don't think it's even as dark of a bruise as it's going to get. As we were falling, I attempted to pull my leg out so that it wouldn't get crushed and some part of the saddle hit my knee. I cross myself and thank my lucky stars that nothing worse has happened and wonder when am I going to freaking learn that I need to just get off and try fix what's wrong?? My hubby said it looked like she was just trying to scramble away from me as we were falling back, and thankfully she doesn't run off once she gets me off. I really need to start listening to her. I think all it was, was that my saddle was about an inch further back than it normally was, and I didn't pull the saddle pad up under the cantle away from her withers like I normally do and it might have been pinching her. That's all I adjusted and she was fine after that. She's so touchy. Mares.
Ok, I'll save the beach, lead line and talking about old, old, old pictures that my dad brought over for me to see for my 100th post. Can you believe it?? Maybe I'll save those for my 101st post and do something special for a 100th post. hmmm, I'll have to think on that. Maybe some kind of little quiz about stuff in some of my posts. hehe.
Enjoy your day. HOT and MUUUUUUUGY here today for us. Thinking about going out to the pool for a bit.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Life as it has been....lately anyhow
Ok, I'm going to try to make this somewhat reasonable length so that no one gets too bored. lol but here's a little of what we've been doing. (BTW, this is my second post today, I DID post Friday funnies, so if you missed those, check on further down in my blog)
Swimming:
Daddy was none too happy about this new discovery of jumping off the swings into the pool. Yeah. I had told them no because I didn't want them missing the pool and cracking their head open on the ground. Well, as I was sitting there reading (and paying no attention, smack my hands, yes I'm a bad mom) 10 feet away, they were swinging when I heard the water splash. I look up to see them both with huge smiles on their faces and excitement. So I started paying attention and snapped a few photos and video(which unfortunately encouraged them too). They've been spending lots of time in the pool and mysteriously, they are still pasty pale white. Hardly a trace of tan. It's so odd. They just don't tan at all! They haven't burned yet either, so I suppose that's a good thing.
Next we have...Crafts!!
10 points to anyone who knows what this is!! lol
As I said before...Darn you Martha Stewart!!!! These little craft packs were for 4 year olds. Ummm, yeah. I could barely get them to work and look halfway decent, my 5 and 8 year old surely couldn't!! They got too frustrated, so I let my little guy do 2 out of 4 barnyard pompom animals and my big guy do one pipe cleaner animal. I will say, this was definitely NOT one of my more favorite summer activities!! lol
Then there has been this, also not so much fun for mom activity....playing in mud every single time it rains. Which has been quite often lately. And if you don't have rain? Make your own mud.
I didn't get the pictures where they were covered head to toe in mud, twice in one day, because I was too livid and my hands were doing other things to little hinneys. Yeah. You would think they would have learned their lesson after the first time, but no. I try to keep my cool as long as mud is concentrated on hands and feet because I know they are having fun, but head to toe? No.
We also went to quite a few of the programs at the library. Every Tuesday was story time and a craft. The crafts usually were based off the subject of the book that day. They ranged from origami dogs and butterflies to little worry dolls made out of paperclips, fabric and yarn. They also made little space ships. Then they also had other programs such as Magic or Science? (think Bill Nye the Science Guy) and lego building. So that was always fun and took up an hour at a time. They also showed WallE one day which was nice because I hadn't seen that. It also got the kids reading (and me reading more myself and to my little guy) for the summer reading program. It ends tomorrow. I'm not sure if I won anything, I got an entry per book that I read and they are giving away $25 gift certificates to certain stores around town. Then at the end they do a drawing for a meeting with an author. I'm not sure the specifics on that though. And then the grand prize drawing is two airplane tickets!! Can you believe the library giving away something like that? I don't know the specifics on that either, but I thought that's cool. I'd be happy with a $25 certificate though. The kids got little prizes as they went along their reading path. Their reading was measured in hours, not books, so after so many hours they would get different prizes such as stickers, noise makers (yipee) a little book, etc.
For some good news, my husband got "the call" from his older son (19 yrs old). He has some questions. We haven't heard from him in about 3 years after an incident that happened that really upset my hubby. "The call" was the call about questions he had about things his mother says his dad has or hasn't done over the years and he wants to know from my hubby what's all true and what isn't. Can I just say WOW?? Some of the stuff we are finding out she's said about my hubby makes me want to run to an attorney and file a defamation of character lawsuit against her. But whatever, we are just happy he is finally seeing the light and isn't under her spell anymore. I could say lots more, but I'll just say it's a happy time. We will be meeting his fiance (yes, he's engaged now) probably in a week or two when he can save enough money to come to see us (he lives a little over an hour away and I told hubby I'd like to take them out to dinner or something). So yay for that!! He's been calling hubby every day since Wednesday when he first called.
Then, I've got two job prospects in the works. Cross your fingers one of them pans out. Money is definitely drying up quicker now that hubby isn't working as much because he's going to school. I had an interview over the phone the beginning of July and then went for skills testing a week later for the county housing authority here. That would be a great job with high starting pay and excellent benefits. I had an interview for a different job yesterday and I felt it went really really well. The only thing I believe holding anyone from hiring me is my ex boss. I don't know if there's a possibility he's telling people something bad when they call to check. I don't list them on my reference sheet, but that doesn't stop people from calling prior employers. And attorneys are sneaky little craps when they want to be. So if I don't get either of these jobs with the strong interview results I've had, I'm having someone pretend to be a potential employer and call to see if he might be saying bad things about me, and if he is, I'm reporting him. So, hopefully, by the time the kiddies start school, I may be gainfully employed.
Ok, that's enough for now. I'll post about fort making, the lead line show and the beach (I still have to download my pictures for the second show and the beach) maybe sometime this weekend or early next week. I may have zoo pictures to add in by then :)) Have a great day.
Swimming:
Daddy was none too happy about this new discovery of jumping off the swings into the pool. Yeah. I had told them no because I didn't want them missing the pool and cracking their head open on the ground. Well, as I was sitting there reading (and paying no attention, smack my hands, yes I'm a bad mom) 10 feet away, they were swinging when I heard the water splash. I look up to see them both with huge smiles on their faces and excitement. So I started paying attention and snapped a few photos and video(which unfortunately encouraged them too). They've been spending lots of time in the pool and mysteriously, they are still pasty pale white. Hardly a trace of tan. It's so odd. They just don't tan at all! They haven't burned yet either, so I suppose that's a good thing.
Next we have...Crafts!!
10 points to anyone who knows what this is!! lol
As I said before...Darn you Martha Stewart!!!! These little craft packs were for 4 year olds. Ummm, yeah. I could barely get them to work and look halfway decent, my 5 and 8 year old surely couldn't!! They got too frustrated, so I let my little guy do 2 out of 4 barnyard pompom animals and my big guy do one pipe cleaner animal. I will say, this was definitely NOT one of my more favorite summer activities!! lol
Then there has been this, also not so much fun for mom activity....playing in mud every single time it rains. Which has been quite often lately. And if you don't have rain? Make your own mud.
I didn't get the pictures where they were covered head to toe in mud, twice in one day, because I was too livid and my hands were doing other things to little hinneys. Yeah. You would think they would have learned their lesson after the first time, but no. I try to keep my cool as long as mud is concentrated on hands and feet because I know they are having fun, but head to toe? No.
We also went to quite a few of the programs at the library. Every Tuesday was story time and a craft. The crafts usually were based off the subject of the book that day. They ranged from origami dogs and butterflies to little worry dolls made out of paperclips, fabric and yarn. They also made little space ships. Then they also had other programs such as Magic or Science? (think Bill Nye the Science Guy) and lego building. So that was always fun and took up an hour at a time. They also showed WallE one day which was nice because I hadn't seen that. It also got the kids reading (and me reading more myself and to my little guy) for the summer reading program. It ends tomorrow. I'm not sure if I won anything, I got an entry per book that I read and they are giving away $25 gift certificates to certain stores around town. Then at the end they do a drawing for a meeting with an author. I'm not sure the specifics on that though. And then the grand prize drawing is two airplane tickets!! Can you believe the library giving away something like that? I don't know the specifics on that either, but I thought that's cool. I'd be happy with a $25 certificate though. The kids got little prizes as they went along their reading path. Their reading was measured in hours, not books, so after so many hours they would get different prizes such as stickers, noise makers (yipee) a little book, etc.
For some good news, my husband got "the call" from his older son (19 yrs old). He has some questions. We haven't heard from him in about 3 years after an incident that happened that really upset my hubby. "The call" was the call about questions he had about things his mother says his dad has or hasn't done over the years and he wants to know from my hubby what's all true and what isn't. Can I just say WOW?? Some of the stuff we are finding out she's said about my hubby makes me want to run to an attorney and file a defamation of character lawsuit against her. But whatever, we are just happy he is finally seeing the light and isn't under her spell anymore. I could say lots more, but I'll just say it's a happy time. We will be meeting his fiance (yes, he's engaged now) probably in a week or two when he can save enough money to come to see us (he lives a little over an hour away and I told hubby I'd like to take them out to dinner or something). So yay for that!! He's been calling hubby every day since Wednesday when he first called.
Then, I've got two job prospects in the works. Cross your fingers one of them pans out. Money is definitely drying up quicker now that hubby isn't working as much because he's going to school. I had an interview over the phone the beginning of July and then went for skills testing a week later for the county housing authority here. That would be a great job with high starting pay and excellent benefits. I had an interview for a different job yesterday and I felt it went really really well. The only thing I believe holding anyone from hiring me is my ex boss. I don't know if there's a possibility he's telling people something bad when they call to check. I don't list them on my reference sheet, but that doesn't stop people from calling prior employers. And attorneys are sneaky little craps when they want to be. So if I don't get either of these jobs with the strong interview results I've had, I'm having someone pretend to be a potential employer and call to see if he might be saying bad things about me, and if he is, I'm reporting him. So, hopefully, by the time the kiddies start school, I may be gainfully employed.
Ok, that's enough for now. I'll post about fort making, the lead line show and the beach (I still have to download my pictures for the second show and the beach) maybe sometime this weekend or early next week. I may have zoo pictures to add in by then :)) Have a great day.
Finally Friday Funnies!!!!
Ok, getting back on track with "normal" life, lol, here are some friday foonies for my favorite friends :)
Who Wants to Be....A Millionaire?
A contestant, Sally, on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture"
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline.. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not have to use it because . . . her friend was, well, a blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes, that is my final answer."
"That answer is Absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
_________________________
Grandma Still Drives
Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'
'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
;
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma
__________________________
To Be Old:
OLD people have problems that you haven't even Considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a Sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this Jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow".
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the Doctor's' office and gave him the jar, which was as Clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her Right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She Tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and She tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the Jar open.'
____________________________
and last but not least in honor of the state of this lovely economy (which because of, I still have no job...) I give you:
Top 12 Indicators the Economy is Bad
12. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
11. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
10. I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank.
9. Hotwheels and Matchbox car companies are now trading higher than GM in the stock market.
8. Obama met with small businesses - GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and GM, to discuss the Stimulus Package.
7. McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
6. People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and are learning their children’s names.
5. The most highly-paid job is now jury duty. (LOL - I'm supposed to go for jury duty August 10th and 11th)
4. People in Africa are donating money to Americans. Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, “finish your plate; do you know how many kids are starving in America?”
3. Motel Six won’t leave the lights on.
2. The Mafia is laying off judges.
1. If the bank returns your check marked as “insufficient funds,” you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.
Hope those brought some laughter to your life this wonderful glorious friday. I went to the beach with the boys today. I will attempt to make a post this weekend with pictures of everything I wrote about on Wednesday (I think it was Wed.). It didn't work out yesterday. lol
Who Wants to Be....A Millionaire?
A contestant, Sally, on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture"
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline.. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not have to use it because . . . her friend was, well, a blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes, that is my final answer."
"That answer is Absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
_________________________
Grandma Still Drives
Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'
'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
;
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma
__________________________
To Be Old:
OLD people have problems that you haven't even Considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a Sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this Jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow".
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the Doctor's' office and gave him the jar, which was as Clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her Right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She Tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and She tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the Jar open.'
____________________________
and last but not least in honor of the state of this lovely economy (which because of, I still have no job...) I give you:
Top 12 Indicators the Economy is Bad
12. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
11. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
10. I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank.
9. Hotwheels and Matchbox car companies are now trading higher than GM in the stock market.
8. Obama met with small businesses - GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and GM, to discuss the Stimulus Package.
7. McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
6. People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and are learning their children’s names.
5. The most highly-paid job is now jury duty. (LOL - I'm supposed to go for jury duty August 10th and 11th)
4. People in Africa are donating money to Americans. Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, “finish your plate; do you know how many kids are starving in America?”
3. Motel Six won’t leave the lights on.
2. The Mafia is laying off judges.
1. If the bank returns your check marked as “insufficient funds,” you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.
Hope those brought some laughter to your life this wonderful glorious friday. I went to the beach with the boys today. I will attempt to make a post this weekend with pictures of everything I wrote about on Wednesday (I think it was Wed.). It didn't work out yesterday. lol
Monday, July 27, 2009
Forever and A Day
Ok. I'm back, and with a vengeance. hehehe. Just kidding. I've had some minor health issues and have been spending mucho time with the wee little ones and doing one of my favorite things, aside from spending time with the kids and horses. (my girl is now only taking two tries to get the left lead, yay!!) Reading. So I'm starting to slowly get back into things and catch up on everyone's blogs. My eyes start crossing though, so it's slow going. lol Must be this old age thing beginning to creep up on me :)
I will have a friday funnies again this week and hopefully before then I'll do a post on some of the things the little guys have been keeping me busy with :) To list a few:
- going to the library twice a week for their programs (which tomorrow is the last day of, sadly)
- Tater has been in two horse shows for lead line (he LOVED it and it was super cute)
- They've been swimming like little fish while I sit and read and enjoy the sun (when not on medication which made me fry and blister quicker than if I stuck my hand in the oven, so I had to sit in shade quite often)
- They've done some little crafty things I found (damn you super smart martha stewart! I don't know what 4 year olds she tried these crafts on, but I ended up having trouble with them!!)
and some other little things.
So, there's some stuff in a nutshell. Hopefully when I get more time I will do a more detailed post with some pictures of the above things. Hope everyone else is having a good summer and relaxing! And I'm going to keep trying to catch up. I hope no one thinks I'm ignoring them :) I'm not and eager to get back into the swing of things.
I will have a friday funnies again this week and hopefully before then I'll do a post on some of the things the little guys have been keeping me busy with :) To list a few:
- going to the library twice a week for their programs (which tomorrow is the last day of, sadly)
- Tater has been in two horse shows for lead line (he LOVED it and it was super cute)
- They've been swimming like little fish while I sit and read and enjoy the sun (when not on medication which made me fry and blister quicker than if I stuck my hand in the oven, so I had to sit in shade quite often)
- They've done some little crafty things I found (damn you super smart martha stewart! I don't know what 4 year olds she tried these crafts on, but I ended up having trouble with them!!)
and some other little things.
So, there's some stuff in a nutshell. Hopefully when I get more time I will do a more detailed post with some pictures of the above things. Hope everyone else is having a good summer and relaxing! And I'm going to keep trying to catch up. I hope no one thinks I'm ignoring them :) I'm not and eager to get back into the swing of things.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Those two little words..
What two little words, usually long and drawn out, do mom's LOVE (enter sarcasm) to hear most from their dear little children? I'll give you a major hint, it starts being used more often in the summer after school is out. Yep, "Iiiiiiiii'mmmmm booooorrrred." My older son hasn't even been out of school a WEEK and I'm already getting this from him. Of course, he doesn't like MY suggestions (clean up your toys, clean your room, do the dishes, play with the dogs, etc.) and whines. He thinks we should have a day trip EVERY DAY. Rain or shine, he wakes up with a list of places he wants to go to and things he wants to see or do that day. That would be great, if I was a millionaire!!! lol But I'm not, so I'm on the hunt for things to do with the boys that is cheap, easy, and fun. I'd welcome ANY suggestions you may have. I think going to the playground will only last so many days. lol We have a library a block from our house, so that is being frequented already. Thankfully they started their summer reading program, so my older son is super excited to get reading and put his name in for the drawings. They also have afternoon programs once a week that we plan on going to. We do have our zoo, which is rated one of the top 10 in the country. We'll be going to that too. I don't quite think I want to go a week though. They like to try to get me to let them ride the train (it's only $2, but that's $2 that needs to be going elsewhere) and buy souvenirs and junk food. I normally pack snacks and drinks to take so that we don't have to spend $5 on a hamburger. I'd love to go out to the barn every day, but that 1/2 hour drive really sucks down gas and then the hubby would be mad that we moved to a new barn so that HE can ride and we'd be going without him. lol So, any suggestions, I'm open :)
Speaking of new barn.....things are going well. The stalls are actually 12x12 instead of the 10x10 we had. It's nice they have more room to walk around and lay and stuff, but that also means more space to spread out their waste. Yeah, more stall to clean. And believe me, they BOTH have no problem spreading the wealth in that area. lol We went out Monday and we both rode. The older mare's back is clearing up beautifully from that fungus or whatever the heck it was that was making her sensitive and lose hair. Her hair is growing back and she's not sensitive anymore, so my husband decided to ride. I used the barn owner's saddle pad that has the extra padding in the wither area like he suggested. Yeah. My mare freaked out. I'm sure it would help, but I think it just felt too different for her. When I was finally able to swing myself up (she was dancing around mad, like those irish lord of the dance dancers), she started to buck a little. I kept only my left foot in the stirrup in case I needed to fling myself off, but she stopped. She was still really antsy and my whole saddle and pad were crooked. So I ended up getting down and switching back to my old set up. Not a problem. I could tell a difference immediately, even just walking her back to the arena. She was so much more relaxed. I would say don't fix what's not broken, but I think she does need that more padded saddle pad. I might try it again here and maybe try to lunge her and walk around first a little. The rest of the ride went uneventful. Both horses are doing really well and we're glad everythings going good.
I um, sent a little something to the old barn owners. I couldn't help myself. lol With his parting wish for me to say hi to the new people and making sure to let me know he knows them, I couldn't resist. I sent a little semi-sarcastic thank you note. It said thanks for all the clothes they've given us for the boys because that I really was thankful for. And thanks for putting up with my mare, who I know could be a handful (being said tongue in cheek). Then I explained that we left because of a certain boarder who made it uncomfortable for us and that I hoped she didn't ruin fun for his future boarders. I addressed the letter to the barn owner AND his wife because I know the wife doesn't like that boarder who was nasty to us. So she might say something and put that lady in her place. That would please me to no end. I know we'll probably never run into any of those people because we never did outside of the barn in the two years we were there. So it's all good. I let our feelings be known. They could be taken as sarcastic or as really thankful, so I'll let them choose which way they want to take it.
It's rainy here, again. We normally are in the upper 80's for a bit in June. So far we have had maybe 2 days of mid 80's and h-u-m-i-d. I know not nearly as bad as the south is having, but it's so miserable. Not fun to ride in, that's for sure. Hope you all are having a good week and that your summer has kicked off to a fun start, unlike what I'm told is happening in our house. lol
Speaking of new barn.....things are going well. The stalls are actually 12x12 instead of the 10x10 we had. It's nice they have more room to walk around and lay and stuff, but that also means more space to spread out their waste. Yeah, more stall to clean. And believe me, they BOTH have no problem spreading the wealth in that area. lol We went out Monday and we both rode. The older mare's back is clearing up beautifully from that fungus or whatever the heck it was that was making her sensitive and lose hair. Her hair is growing back and she's not sensitive anymore, so my husband decided to ride. I used the barn owner's saddle pad that has the extra padding in the wither area like he suggested. Yeah. My mare freaked out. I'm sure it would help, but I think it just felt too different for her. When I was finally able to swing myself up (she was dancing around mad, like those irish lord of the dance dancers), she started to buck a little. I kept only my left foot in the stirrup in case I needed to fling myself off, but she stopped. She was still really antsy and my whole saddle and pad were crooked. So I ended up getting down and switching back to my old set up. Not a problem. I could tell a difference immediately, even just walking her back to the arena. She was so much more relaxed. I would say don't fix what's not broken, but I think she does need that more padded saddle pad. I might try it again here and maybe try to lunge her and walk around first a little. The rest of the ride went uneventful. Both horses are doing really well and we're glad everythings going good.
I um, sent a little something to the old barn owners. I couldn't help myself. lol With his parting wish for me to say hi to the new people and making sure to let me know he knows them, I couldn't resist. I sent a little semi-sarcastic thank you note. It said thanks for all the clothes they've given us for the boys because that I really was thankful for. And thanks for putting up with my mare, who I know could be a handful (being said tongue in cheek). Then I explained that we left because of a certain boarder who made it uncomfortable for us and that I hoped she didn't ruin fun for his future boarders. I addressed the letter to the barn owner AND his wife because I know the wife doesn't like that boarder who was nasty to us. So she might say something and put that lady in her place. That would please me to no end. I know we'll probably never run into any of those people because we never did outside of the barn in the two years we were there. So it's all good. I let our feelings be known. They could be taken as sarcastic or as really thankful, so I'll let them choose which way they want to take it.
It's rainy here, again. We normally are in the upper 80's for a bit in June. So far we have had maybe 2 days of mid 80's and h-u-m-i-d. I know not nearly as bad as the south is having, but it's so miserable. Not fun to ride in, that's for sure. Hope you all are having a good week and that your summer has kicked off to a fun start, unlike what I'm told is happening in our house. lol
Friday, June 5, 2009
Foooony Friday Funnies
Here are your weekly friday funnies. Hope you enjoy!!
Golf
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched In horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin,
Fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken!
__________________________
Linda and Deloris
Linda and Deloris are outside their home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Deloris pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Linda: What in the hell is that?
Deloris: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Linda: Where did you get it?
Deloris: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Linda hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 70 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
__________________________
Things NEVER said by Southerners
- Duct tape won't fix that.
- Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
- We don't keep firearms in the house.
- You can't feed that to the dog.
- The kids can't ride in the back of the pickup -- it's just not safe.
- Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
- We're vegetarians.
- Do you think my gut is too big?
- Honey, we don't need another dog.
- Who's Richard Petty?
- We could just share a small bag of pork rinds
- Too many deer heads detract from the decor
- I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today (That's for you Mrs. Mom, we know how you LOVE Wally World, lol. You might be the only Southerner to say those words)
- Is there anything in this restaurant that's NOT fried?
- The tires on that truck are too big.
- I've got it all on the C drive.
- There's too much sugar in this tea.
- Checkmate.
- I believe you cooked those greens too long
____________________________
Southern Values
There once was a young man named Billy Bob. Now, Billy Bob was a normal Southern boy looking for a nice Southern girl to be his wife. One day, at a mud wrestling match, he met beautiful Tammy Jo. They fell in love and got married. To celebrate their marriage they spent their wedding night at a Super 8 motel in their home town. Tammy Jo was very excited. She had bought some nice lingerie and Billy Bob thought she was absolutely breathtaking.
As they were getting hot and heavy, Tammy Jo said, “Be gentle with me, I'm a virgin.” Billy Bob was totally outraged to hear this revelation. He jumped up, dragged Tammy Jo out of the room, drove to her parents' house and left her crying on the doorstep.
Billy Bob immediately went over to his father's house and told him what had just happened. “She said she was a virgin... A VIRGIN!” To which his father replied, “Well son, as I've always told you, if she ain't good enough for her own family, she sure ain't good enough for ours!”
(ok,ok, that one WAS bad, lol, I’ll try to redeem myself with the next one)
________________________
Rules For Yankees Who Move To The South
- Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know.
- Don't laugh at folk's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy, MariBeth and Inez have been known to whip a man's ass for less than that.
- Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda; this can lead to a beating. Down here it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi.
- Southern women don't fancy to smart mouth Yankees. Just remember, they all have brothers and daddies.
- Don't show allegiances to any other school in football other than an ACC or SEC team. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who play Wyoming every week.
- Don't call us a bunch of hillbillies. Most of us are better educated than you and a whole lot nicer to boot.
- Yes, we know the humidity is high; just quit bitching, spend your money and go home.
- No, the state symbol of North Carolina is not the orange and white highway barrel. This road construction is pissing us off too.
- Don't go to the Cracker Barrel and order toast. If you do this everyone will know you're from Ohio. Just eat the biscuits like God meant for you to do.
- Don't try to talk with a Southern accent if you don't have one. Nothing makes us madder than a Southern wannabe.
- Don't be telling everybody how much better it was back home. If you don't like it here, get your sorry ass back home!
- We don't play lacrosse or none of them other sissy northern games, so don't be asking about no scores, cause we just don't care.
- Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
- If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba." You have a 75% chance of being right.
- Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
- If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
- Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
- Do not buy food at the movie store.
- If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
- Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
- Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
- People walk slower here.
- Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
- The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new Southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
- The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
- Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here
Ok, if that didn't redeem me, I will make SURE to get some Northerner and Yankee jokes up next week for ya!! lol Have a great weekend (and maybe drier) everyone! Last weekend of soccer for us, maybe I'll actually get some pictures this time! I keep forgetting my camera.
Golf
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched In horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin,
Fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken!
__________________________
Linda and Deloris
Linda and Deloris are outside their home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Deloris pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Linda: What in the hell is that?
Deloris: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Linda: Where did you get it?
Deloris: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Linda hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 70 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
__________________________
Things NEVER said by Southerners
- Duct tape won't fix that.
- Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
- We don't keep firearms in the house.
- You can't feed that to the dog.
- The kids can't ride in the back of the pickup -- it's just not safe.
- Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
- We're vegetarians.
- Do you think my gut is too big?
- Honey, we don't need another dog.
- Who's Richard Petty?
- We could just share a small bag of pork rinds
- Too many deer heads detract from the decor
- I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today (That's for you Mrs. Mom, we know how you LOVE Wally World, lol. You might be the only Southerner to say those words)
- Is there anything in this restaurant that's NOT fried?
- The tires on that truck are too big.
- I've got it all on the C drive.
- There's too much sugar in this tea.
- Checkmate.
- I believe you cooked those greens too long
____________________________
Southern Values
There once was a young man named Billy Bob. Now, Billy Bob was a normal Southern boy looking for a nice Southern girl to be his wife. One day, at a mud wrestling match, he met beautiful Tammy Jo. They fell in love and got married. To celebrate their marriage they spent their wedding night at a Super 8 motel in their home town. Tammy Jo was very excited. She had bought some nice lingerie and Billy Bob thought she was absolutely breathtaking.
As they were getting hot and heavy, Tammy Jo said, “Be gentle with me, I'm a virgin.” Billy Bob was totally outraged to hear this revelation. He jumped up, dragged Tammy Jo out of the room, drove to her parents' house and left her crying on the doorstep.
Billy Bob immediately went over to his father's house and told him what had just happened. “She said she was a virgin... A VIRGIN!” To which his father replied, “Well son, as I've always told you, if she ain't good enough for her own family, she sure ain't good enough for ours!”
(ok,ok, that one WAS bad, lol, I’ll try to redeem myself with the next one)
________________________
Rules For Yankees Who Move To The South
- Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know.
- Don't laugh at folk's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy, MariBeth and Inez have been known to whip a man's ass for less than that.
- Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda; this can lead to a beating. Down here it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi.
- Southern women don't fancy to smart mouth Yankees. Just remember, they all have brothers and daddies.
- Don't show allegiances to any other school in football other than an ACC or SEC team. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who play Wyoming every week.
- Don't call us a bunch of hillbillies. Most of us are better educated than you and a whole lot nicer to boot.
- Yes, we know the humidity is high; just quit bitching, spend your money and go home.
- No, the state symbol of North Carolina is not the orange and white highway barrel. This road construction is pissing us off too.
- Don't go to the Cracker Barrel and order toast. If you do this everyone will know you're from Ohio. Just eat the biscuits like God meant for you to do.
- Don't try to talk with a Southern accent if you don't have one. Nothing makes us madder than a Southern wannabe.
- Don't be telling everybody how much better it was back home. If you don't like it here, get your sorry ass back home!
- We don't play lacrosse or none of them other sissy northern games, so don't be asking about no scores, cause we just don't care.
- Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
- If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba." You have a 75% chance of being right.
- Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
- If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
- Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
- Do not buy food at the movie store.
- If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
- Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
- Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
- People walk slower here.
- Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
- The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new Southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
- The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
- Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here
Ok, if that didn't redeem me, I will make SURE to get some Northerner and Yankee jokes up next week for ya!! lol Have a great weekend (and maybe drier) everyone! Last weekend of soccer for us, maybe I'll actually get some pictures this time! I keep forgetting my camera.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
So many things
Well, horses got moved to the new barn Sunday evening without incident and settled into their stalls. Thankfully there weren't too many people around to butt in and ask nosey questions. Anyone we actually care to talk to from there has our phone numbers and have/can call us to ask. The barn owner (at the old barn) was quite smug thinking that he was going to trap me into something I think. My dad and I were cleaning out the stalls before my hubby and the trailer arrived. The barn owner came over and said "So, where you guys going to?" We know he already knew, and besides that, the tone of his voice told me too. I said the name and that was it, while I continued working. I wasn't going to be nasty or rude, but I surely wasn't going to be holding a long drawn out explanation of anything. He doesn't deserve one. He's like "Oh" in a flat voice, again telling me he already knew. Then he says "You know, I've known their kids for a really long time. We all grew up together and they showed with my son. Yeah, we're good friends." I just said "Uh huh." Now I know who told him we were moving and to where. That's fine, I really didn't care as long as the things at that barn that we didn't like, weren't happening at the new barn. That was all he said. Then as we were pulling out, he yelled out "Bye! Tell Kelly (one of new barn owners daughters) I said hi!!" Yeah, whatever dude. If you're such good friends, call her up and tell her hi yourself. I'm so glad to be out of there.
So far so good at the new barn. We walked the girls around the aisles and in the indoor arena (it was raining so we didn't go outside) so they can get used to all the new and different stuff. I tried lunging my mare and darn it if she isn't back to her old trick of not lunging to the left. After all that freaking work I did to get her going last time. I guess I'm going to have to buy myself a nice little lunge whip, since I haven't seen any communal ones at the new barn, and go back to that. Then I'll have to make sure to keep up on that. Then the ding dong, I had her tied to her stall and I knew the tie was a little loose, but she was doing ok and I was right there. Sure enough, I lean down for 1/2 a second to grab a different brush and she gets the tie over her neck and starts flipping out. It was only a second before I could get her to stop rearing enough and reached over to pull the quick release. She settled down right away, but so embarrassing to have everyone peaking around the corner to stare. They probably thinks we're dumb. lol Oh well. Then yesterday we gave our older girl a much much needed bath. She somehow has something on her back and above her tail bone that looks like rain rot. How the HECK she got that I have no idea since she hasn't been anywhere where she's gotten wet and she never got rode hard enough to get sweaty. And we always make sure to brush them good after we ride too. So I have no idea where the heck it came from. The new barn has hot water!! yay!! She was so scared to go into the water stall though, and she's never hesitant to do anything. I think because she didn't see a way out except the opening. I don't know HOW we're going to get my mare in there without major incident. I'm thinking of trying to back her in rather than walk in and turn her around and risk her getting goofy and slipping. There's about a 2 inch step down, but that shouldn't be a big deal. My mare whinnied like there was no tomorrow when we took our other mare out to wash and not her. The guy barn owner looked at us and said hmmm, maybe we'll be moving one of them for awhile, she's too attached. I told him the funny thing is, they've been stalled 4 stalls apart for the last two years until the week and 1/2 before we moved! My mare gets attached to whoever is next to her. Always has been. The worst part is that her whinny is SO high pitched. It's really loud. lol
The GREAT news is that the owner is digging up the smaller pasture right outside the indoor arena because he's thinking of making an outdoor arena. I was jumping for joy. It will be really nice so that I can get my mare used to riding outside, but still have some sort of confinement in case I come off :)) We definitely feel that we made the right move. It was so funny, when we first put the mares in their stalls, they have two draft percherons stalled behind them that were looking up over the tops of the stalls. They are a good 18 hands at least. Our mares look like minis trying to look up to see them!! lol They have an 8 horse, all completely black percheron hitch. It is too cool. Two of the percherons have babies :)) And apparently there is someone in town close by that has a black horse drawn hurse for funerals. That is SO how I want to be taken around after I die. Way too cool. I think I'll ride my girl tomorrow and see how she does. I've lunged her and walked her around enough the past two days to let her see everything, hopefully it will be an uneventful ride. Hopefully.
Aside from that, the job search is still going. I didn't get a second call back from the place I interviewed with, so that was disappointing, and no calls yet from the other two prospective places. I have been able to get a LOT of reading done, which I hadn't been able to do in a long loooooong time, so that's nice. The boys are liking the frequent trips to the library. Unfortunately my younger son didn't pass the evaluation for kindergarten and it was highly recommended we didn't enroll him for that, but for a preK class they offer. I would rather him start late than struggle and hate school or be held back at the end though. Him and I will be working diligently this summer on stuff. I guess we just made a series of bad choices in daycares. They tended to focus on his behavior rather than learning, which sucked.
I think I'm going slightly crazy though not having the mental stimulation of work. I frequently have trouble getting and staying asleep and I find myself thinking about the most ridiculous things. I would think reading and doing things with my boy would wear me out, but it just doesn't. I don't know what else to do. I'm loving my time off, but my mind is going a little silly sometimes.
It's raining here, again. Thankfully it's just a little bit and steady, not torrential pouring like last year. Thankfully the new barn didn't flood any last year like the old barn did. So that won't be a problem. My son has had a bit of a temperature the past two days, but he's feeling ok enough to run around the house making me crazy. I think we'll go to the mall today to let him play on the playground to run off some energy. lol And I can get a nice sweet lemonade.
So far so good at the new barn. We walked the girls around the aisles and in the indoor arena (it was raining so we didn't go outside) so they can get used to all the new and different stuff. I tried lunging my mare and darn it if she isn't back to her old trick of not lunging to the left. After all that freaking work I did to get her going last time. I guess I'm going to have to buy myself a nice little lunge whip, since I haven't seen any communal ones at the new barn, and go back to that. Then I'll have to make sure to keep up on that. Then the ding dong, I had her tied to her stall and I knew the tie was a little loose, but she was doing ok and I was right there. Sure enough, I lean down for 1/2 a second to grab a different brush and she gets the tie over her neck and starts flipping out. It was only a second before I could get her to stop rearing enough and reached over to pull the quick release. She settled down right away, but so embarrassing to have everyone peaking around the corner to stare. They probably thinks we're dumb. lol Oh well. Then yesterday we gave our older girl a much much needed bath. She somehow has something on her back and above her tail bone that looks like rain rot. How the HECK she got that I have no idea since she hasn't been anywhere where she's gotten wet and she never got rode hard enough to get sweaty. And we always make sure to brush them good after we ride too. So I have no idea where the heck it came from. The new barn has hot water!! yay!! She was so scared to go into the water stall though, and she's never hesitant to do anything. I think because she didn't see a way out except the opening. I don't know HOW we're going to get my mare in there without major incident. I'm thinking of trying to back her in rather than walk in and turn her around and risk her getting goofy and slipping. There's about a 2 inch step down, but that shouldn't be a big deal. My mare whinnied like there was no tomorrow when we took our other mare out to wash and not her. The guy barn owner looked at us and said hmmm, maybe we'll be moving one of them for awhile, she's too attached. I told him the funny thing is, they've been stalled 4 stalls apart for the last two years until the week and 1/2 before we moved! My mare gets attached to whoever is next to her. Always has been. The worst part is that her whinny is SO high pitched. It's really loud. lol
The GREAT news is that the owner is digging up the smaller pasture right outside the indoor arena because he's thinking of making an outdoor arena. I was jumping for joy. It will be really nice so that I can get my mare used to riding outside, but still have some sort of confinement in case I come off :)) We definitely feel that we made the right move. It was so funny, when we first put the mares in their stalls, they have two draft percherons stalled behind them that were looking up over the tops of the stalls. They are a good 18 hands at least. Our mares look like minis trying to look up to see them!! lol They have an 8 horse, all completely black percheron hitch. It is too cool. Two of the percherons have babies :)) And apparently there is someone in town close by that has a black horse drawn hurse for funerals. That is SO how I want to be taken around after I die. Way too cool. I think I'll ride my girl tomorrow and see how she does. I've lunged her and walked her around enough the past two days to let her see everything, hopefully it will be an uneventful ride. Hopefully.
Aside from that, the job search is still going. I didn't get a second call back from the place I interviewed with, so that was disappointing, and no calls yet from the other two prospective places. I have been able to get a LOT of reading done, which I hadn't been able to do in a long loooooong time, so that's nice. The boys are liking the frequent trips to the library. Unfortunately my younger son didn't pass the evaluation for kindergarten and it was highly recommended we didn't enroll him for that, but for a preK class they offer. I would rather him start late than struggle and hate school or be held back at the end though. Him and I will be working diligently this summer on stuff. I guess we just made a series of bad choices in daycares. They tended to focus on his behavior rather than learning, which sucked.
I think I'm going slightly crazy though not having the mental stimulation of work. I frequently have trouble getting and staying asleep and I find myself thinking about the most ridiculous things. I would think reading and doing things with my boy would wear me out, but it just doesn't. I don't know what else to do. I'm loving my time off, but my mind is going a little silly sometimes.
It's raining here, again. Thankfully it's just a little bit and steady, not torrential pouring like last year. Thankfully the new barn didn't flood any last year like the old barn did. So that won't be a problem. My son has had a bit of a temperature the past two days, but he's feeling ok enough to run around the house making me crazy. I think we'll go to the mall today to let him play on the playground to run off some energy. lol And I can get a nice sweet lemonade.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Here are your Friday Funnies for today. I hope you enjoy!
Marriage
A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
______________________________
Haunting from the grave
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.
"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."
________________________________
The Gambler
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.
"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.
"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and pee into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began peeing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could pee all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"
___________________________
The Empire State Building
Three men were sitting at the top floor of the Empire State Building.
One man says to one of the others, "You know, if you jump out the window here, the force of the wind will blow you back in through the window on the 90th floor."
The other man says "no way, you're jokin aren't you?"
The 1st man says "No, here.. I'll prove it" so he stands on the window ledge and jumps out.. and comes back in thru the 90th floor window..
The 2nd man says.. "That was just a one off" So he does it again.. and comes thru on the 90th floor.. runs back up and says "See, im telling the truth" The 3rd man just shakes his head.
The 2nd man says "Wow, im gonna do it then" he stands on the window ledge, jumps out and falls to his death.
The 3rd man says to the first man.. "You know, you're a jerk when you're drunk, Superman"
_______________________________
and lastly.... 25 Signs you drink too much coffee
1. You answer the door before people knock.
2. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
3. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
4. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
5. You chew on other people's fingernails.
6. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
7. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
8. You don't sweat, you percolate.
9. You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
10.You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
11.You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
12.Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
13.You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
14.The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
15.Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
16.Instant coffee takes too long.
17.When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
18.You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
19.Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
20.You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
22.You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
22.You short out motion detectors.
23.Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
24.You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
25.You help your dog chase its tail.
Ok, that's enough today. Maybe I need some coffee to keep up with my little rugamuffin man. He zips through the house so fast he's a blur! lol Have a great day and hope your weekend is nice and dry (at least for all of us who have been having non-stop rain the past few days!) Our move to the new barn is Sunday. So far, so good.
Marriage
A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
______________________________
Haunting from the grave
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.
"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."
________________________________
The Gambler
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.
"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.
"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and pee into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began peeing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could pee all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"
___________________________
The Empire State Building
Three men were sitting at the top floor of the Empire State Building.
One man says to one of the others, "You know, if you jump out the window here, the force of the wind will blow you back in through the window on the 90th floor."
The other man says "no way, you're jokin aren't you?"
The 1st man says "No, here.. I'll prove it" so he stands on the window ledge and jumps out.. and comes back in thru the 90th floor window..
The 2nd man says.. "That was just a one off" So he does it again.. and comes thru on the 90th floor.. runs back up and says "See, im telling the truth" The 3rd man just shakes his head.
The 2nd man says "Wow, im gonna do it then" he stands on the window ledge, jumps out and falls to his death.
The 3rd man says to the first man.. "You know, you're a jerk when you're drunk, Superman"
_______________________________
and lastly.... 25 Signs you drink too much coffee
1. You answer the door before people knock.
2. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
3. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
4. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
5. You chew on other people's fingernails.
6. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
7. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
8. You don't sweat, you percolate.
9. You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
10.You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
11.You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
12.Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
13.You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
14.The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
15.Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
16.Instant coffee takes too long.
17.When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
18.You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
19.Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
20.You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
22.You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
22.You short out motion detectors.
23.Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
24.You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
25.You help your dog chase its tail.
Ok, that's enough today. Maybe I need some coffee to keep up with my little rugamuffin man. He zips through the house so fast he's a blur! lol Have a great day and hope your weekend is nice and dry (at least for all of us who have been having non-stop rain the past few days!) Our move to the new barn is Sunday. So far, so good.
Friday, May 22, 2009
TGIF Friday Funnies
Here are your Friday Funnies to make you some smiles :) (sorry I missed last week)
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...
1. You accidentally enter your pin on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses...
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
9. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your Coffee.
10. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
11 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
_________________________________
Sick Leave
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I
sick. Got headache, stomachache and legs hurt, I no come work."
The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you
today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to
give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work... You try
that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again... "I do what you say and I
feel great. I be at work soon... You got nice house."
__________________________________
Children Writing About the Ocean...and where do they get these ideas???
1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly, age 6)
2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island.. If you don't
have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.. (, age 7)
4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson . She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy,
age eight)
6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots
and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't bl ow the sailors would whistle to
make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off
eating beans. (William, age 7)
8) - Mermaids live in the ocean.. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I
like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like,
really? (Helen, age 6)
9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always
crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got
pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10) - Some fish are dangerous... Jellyfish can sting.. Electric eels can
give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)
11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my
willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't
go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age eight)
13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was
going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right
up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)
14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I
don't know. (Bobby, age 6)
15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean..
What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)
________________________________
THREE LITTLE BOYS were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday school. So they went to the nearest church. But, only the janitor was there.
One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?" "Sure," said the janitor.
He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "You are now baptized!"
When they got outside, one of them asked, "'What religion do you think we are?"
The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you."
"We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water."
"We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on you."
The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?"
They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do you think that means?"
"I think it means we're Pisskopailians !"
______________________________
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....
Liver alone. Cheese mine.
___________________________
And lastly, some underlying State Mottos (I know Ohio is DEFINITELY true! lol, Sorry you Michiganders!)
Alabama - Heck Yes, We Have Electricity.
Alaska - 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona - But It’s A Dry Heat.
Arkansas - Literacy Ain’t Everything.
California - By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
Colorado - If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.
Connecticut - Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet.
Delaware - We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.
Florida - Ask Us About Our Grandkids, and Home Of The Early Bird Special
Georgia - We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.
Hawaii - Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
Idaho - More Than Just Potatoes... Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois - Please, Don’t Pronounce the "S"
Indiana - 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa - We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas - First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky - Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana - We’re Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.
Maine - We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland - If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts - Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's
Michigan - First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota - 10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi - Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri - Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana - Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Very Little Else.
Nebraska - Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada - Prostitutes and Poker!
New Hampshire - Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey - You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!
New Mexico - Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York - You Have The Right To Remain Silent; You Have The Right To An Attorney...
North Carolina - Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota - We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio - At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma - Like The Play, But No Singing
Oregon - Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania - Cook With Coal
Rhode Island - We’re Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina - Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet
South Dakota - Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee - The Edyoocashun State
Texas - Se Hablo Ingles
Utah - Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont - Ay, Yep
Virginia - Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington - We Have More Rain Than You Do
West Virginia - One Big Happy Family...Really!
Wisconsin - Come Cut The Cheese!
Wyoming - Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared
______________________________
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...
1. You accidentally enter your pin on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses...
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
9. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your Coffee.
10. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
11 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
_________________________________
Sick Leave
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I
sick. Got headache, stomachache and legs hurt, I no come work."
The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you
today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to
give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work... You try
that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again... "I do what you say and I
feel great. I be at work soon... You got nice house."
__________________________________
Children Writing About the Ocean...and where do they get these ideas???
1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly, age 6)
2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island.. If you don't
have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.. (, age 7)
4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson . She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy,
age eight)
6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots
and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't bl ow the sailors would whistle to
make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off
eating beans. (William, age 7)
8) - Mermaids live in the ocean.. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I
like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like,
really? (Helen, age 6)
9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always
crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got
pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10) - Some fish are dangerous... Jellyfish can sting.. Electric eels can
give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)
11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my
willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't
go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age eight)
13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was
going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right
up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)
14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I
don't know. (Bobby, age 6)
15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean..
What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)
________________________________
THREE LITTLE BOYS were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday school. So they went to the nearest church. But, only the janitor was there.
One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?" "Sure," said the janitor.
He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "You are now baptized!"
When they got outside, one of them asked, "'What religion do you think we are?"
The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you."
"We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water."
"We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on you."
The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?"
They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do you think that means?"
"I think it means we're Pisskopailians !"
______________________________
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....
Liver alone. Cheese mine.
___________________________
And lastly, some underlying State Mottos (I know Ohio is DEFINITELY true! lol, Sorry you Michiganders!)
Alabama - Heck Yes, We Have Electricity.
Alaska - 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona - But It’s A Dry Heat.
Arkansas - Literacy Ain’t Everything.
California - By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
Colorado - If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.
Connecticut - Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet.
Delaware - We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.
Florida - Ask Us About Our Grandkids, and Home Of The Early Bird Special
Georgia - We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.
Hawaii - Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
Idaho - More Than Just Potatoes... Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois - Please, Don’t Pronounce the "S"
Indiana - 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa - We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas - First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky - Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana - We’re Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.
Maine - We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland - If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts - Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's
Michigan - First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota - 10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi - Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri - Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana - Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Very Little Else.
Nebraska - Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada - Prostitutes and Poker!
New Hampshire - Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey - You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!
New Mexico - Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York - You Have The Right To Remain Silent; You Have The Right To An Attorney...
North Carolina - Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota - We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio - At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma - Like The Play, But No Singing
Oregon - Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania - Cook With Coal
Rhode Island - We’re Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina - Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet
South Dakota - Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee - The Edyoocashun State
Texas - Se Hablo Ingles
Utah - Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont - Ay, Yep
Virginia - Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington - We Have More Rain Than You Do
West Virginia - One Big Happy Family...Really!
Wisconsin - Come Cut The Cheese!
Wyoming - Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared
______________________________
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Thoughts and dilemas
Wow, what a week. lol The interview went well for the most part. I did say something to make both ladies look at each other, raise their eyebrows and nod in agreement, so that was good. But then they asked what my ex-boss would say if they were to call him. That was a sticky one. I just kind of chuckled and said I had no idea because he was always full of surprises. They laughed and moved right on, so that must have been ok, but who knows really what he will say if they call. My sister did tell me something else that is quite clever to say if I get asked that question again, and if he says something to make me look bad, he will look like the jerk. They told me they would be calling people back for second interviews with the attorneys this week, so we'll see. I also got a letter from a place I sent a resume to (a really really good paying county job) and it stated they were beginning the interview process. So I guess that's good, it wasn't an outright NO. lol
Last Wednesday I had my lesson. It didn't start out so well. Trainer had lessons with the two little girls first, so she told me come a little later so that she could unwind after them and I wouldn't have to deal with them. They are kind of annoying and rude. I got there, gave my girl a great grooming and when the little girls were done riding and taking saddles off to do showmanship, she told me come out when I was ready. So I went out and the one little girl has the gelding who's attached to Sassie, so he started whinnying and rearing up. Bad omen #1. That got my girl worked up too. I had also forgotten to cinch up the girth tighter, so I did that before I got on. Bad thing #2. I didn't jog her around like I ALWAYS do since we flipped over last year. Bad thing #3. After I tightened it, I went to get on, by the step stool (which she hates), by cones (which she hates) and at a place in the arena that I usually don't get on at. Bad things #4 and 5. She needs to get over that stuff anyhow, but maybe not all at once. lol I was setting myself up for sure. After I get on, she started jumping up a little and hopping around. I figured it was because that gelding was still acting up and figured if we just sat for a minute while the trainer got him calmed down, SHE would calm down. Bad thing #6. She didn't. I tried to urge her into a walk and right away she reared up and leaped to the the left, I went off to the right and landed on the hardest packed part of the arena. Owwwww. I landed on the lower left part of my back and on my left wrist and had my right arm up in case she would come back toward me. She didn't thankfully and just stopped. Oh my gosh, I was soooo sore until about yesterday. I think being 30 and all, I'm not as bendy or heal as quickly as I used to. lol So I got myself up and loosened the girth a notch, jogged her around and got back on. Needless to say, we didn't lope to the left Wednesday. I didn't think I could handle her jumping into the left lead lope. We did lope to the right though and we had a good lesson. I learned my lesson and will heed my mare's warnings from now on.
Well, it is official. I believe we will be changing barns. My mare kicked out two boards in her stall, and to show us how much the barn owner hates our horse, he just left the boards out of there for her to get her head caught or legs hurt. I went early Friday morning to clean stalls quick, I was too sore to ride, and I discovered that there were two boards missing. One from the sliding door and one between her and our other mare. (because of barn owners great idea of putting them next to each other because they get along juuuuuust fine and don't kick. uh huh) Well, we went out Sunday, the boards still hadn't been fixed and the barn owner came out just as we were cleaning stalls. He made sure to come over and call my horse an f-ing b!xxx because she broke those boards and he had to go buy more. Um, he's got FOUR empty stalls he could have borrowed boards from. But he didn't. Totally ridiculous. That was Thursday the boards were broken, possibly Wednesday night. Here is was Monday and he still hadn't fixed them. When anyone else's horse breaks something, he makes sure it is fixed immediately. But I think he wanted her to get hurt to show us how stupid my horse is. Well he got his wish. I had my dad go out with me yesterday to ride and to help fix them since the owner had no plans to and hadn't yet. Now my horse has three cuts on her back left leg. Two are new ones and one is from one of her old scars breaking open. whatever. We'll take our $500 elsewhere and let him cater to the boarders he has left. I called the new barn and we are going out to see it today. The trainer said this barn is much better (she really doesn't have a vested interest, just has a couple lessons there) and we will be much happier. She said they have drama there too, but it's all family drama and as long as we make sure to stay out of it and not take sides, we will be fine.
I don't want to leave on bad terms. There is no contract. So technically we don't have to give any notice. And it's not like he has a waiting list. There are 9 empty stalls at that barn. I know why. If we like the new barn tonight, I want to tell him immediately we are leaving at the end of the month. My husband says he doesn't want to because we know my horse is going to get treated like crap. The barn owner already treats her that way, that's why she's reared up on him in the past and swings her butt to him when he goes into her stall. I've been there when he's hit her in the face to get her to back up. I was too shocked to say anything when he did it and that was my mistake. I should have whacked him in the face with my lead rope and asked how he liked it since he's an ass too. We know how he treats other horses that don't act perfectly for him. Any advice as what to say? I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of mentioning we are very uncomfortable being out there when certain other boarders are there, which is the truth. My husband refuses to go out if he thinks they are there so that he can avoid conflicts and comments made. He's even drove the whole 1/2 hour out there only to turn around and go right home once he sees their cars. Why have horses if you are too uncomfortable to go out and ride and enjoy them? He wants to get rid of them because of that. So we need to move. I want to comment too that since the barn owner thinks mares in general are such a hassle (or p-i-t-a), he won't have to deal with them anymore, but that gives way for him to argue that they aren't really a problem (even thought they clearly are to him) and that it's just my mare causing the problems. So, I guess when it comes down to it, we will figure out what to say and it will have to do.
It's supposed to be absolutely gorgeous the next few days. Even up to 83 on Thursday. Me thinks the girls will be getting their long overdue first bath of the season :))
Last Wednesday I had my lesson. It didn't start out so well. Trainer had lessons with the two little girls first, so she told me come a little later so that she could unwind after them and I wouldn't have to deal with them. They are kind of annoying and rude. I got there, gave my girl a great grooming and when the little girls were done riding and taking saddles off to do showmanship, she told me come out when I was ready. So I went out and the one little girl has the gelding who's attached to Sassie, so he started whinnying and rearing up. Bad omen #1. That got my girl worked up too. I had also forgotten to cinch up the girth tighter, so I did that before I got on. Bad thing #2. I didn't jog her around like I ALWAYS do since we flipped over last year. Bad thing #3. After I tightened it, I went to get on, by the step stool (which she hates), by cones (which she hates) and at a place in the arena that I usually don't get on at. Bad things #4 and 5. She needs to get over that stuff anyhow, but maybe not all at once. lol I was setting myself up for sure. After I get on, she started jumping up a little and hopping around. I figured it was because that gelding was still acting up and figured if we just sat for a minute while the trainer got him calmed down, SHE would calm down. Bad thing #6. She didn't. I tried to urge her into a walk and right away she reared up and leaped to the the left, I went off to the right and landed on the hardest packed part of the arena. Owwwww. I landed on the lower left part of my back and on my left wrist and had my right arm up in case she would come back toward me. She didn't thankfully and just stopped. Oh my gosh, I was soooo sore until about yesterday. I think being 30 and all, I'm not as bendy or heal as quickly as I used to. lol So I got myself up and loosened the girth a notch, jogged her around and got back on. Needless to say, we didn't lope to the left Wednesday. I didn't think I could handle her jumping into the left lead lope. We did lope to the right though and we had a good lesson. I learned my lesson and will heed my mare's warnings from now on.
Well, it is official. I believe we will be changing barns. My mare kicked out two boards in her stall, and to show us how much the barn owner hates our horse, he just left the boards out of there for her to get her head caught or legs hurt. I went early Friday morning to clean stalls quick, I was too sore to ride, and I discovered that there were two boards missing. One from the sliding door and one between her and our other mare. (because of barn owners great idea of putting them next to each other because they get along juuuuuust fine and don't kick. uh huh) Well, we went out Sunday, the boards still hadn't been fixed and the barn owner came out just as we were cleaning stalls. He made sure to come over and call my horse an f-ing b!xxx because she broke those boards and he had to go buy more. Um, he's got FOUR empty stalls he could have borrowed boards from. But he didn't. Totally ridiculous. That was Thursday the boards were broken, possibly Wednesday night. Here is was Monday and he still hadn't fixed them. When anyone else's horse breaks something, he makes sure it is fixed immediately. But I think he wanted her to get hurt to show us how stupid my horse is. Well he got his wish. I had my dad go out with me yesterday to ride and to help fix them since the owner had no plans to and hadn't yet. Now my horse has three cuts on her back left leg. Two are new ones and one is from one of her old scars breaking open. whatever. We'll take our $500 elsewhere and let him cater to the boarders he has left. I called the new barn and we are going out to see it today. The trainer said this barn is much better (she really doesn't have a vested interest, just has a couple lessons there) and we will be much happier. She said they have drama there too, but it's all family drama and as long as we make sure to stay out of it and not take sides, we will be fine.
I don't want to leave on bad terms. There is no contract. So technically we don't have to give any notice. And it's not like he has a waiting list. There are 9 empty stalls at that barn. I know why. If we like the new barn tonight, I want to tell him immediately we are leaving at the end of the month. My husband says he doesn't want to because we know my horse is going to get treated like crap. The barn owner already treats her that way, that's why she's reared up on him in the past and swings her butt to him when he goes into her stall. I've been there when he's hit her in the face to get her to back up. I was too shocked to say anything when he did it and that was my mistake. I should have whacked him in the face with my lead rope and asked how he liked it since he's an ass too. We know how he treats other horses that don't act perfectly for him. Any advice as what to say? I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of mentioning we are very uncomfortable being out there when certain other boarders are there, which is the truth. My husband refuses to go out if he thinks they are there so that he can avoid conflicts and comments made. He's even drove the whole 1/2 hour out there only to turn around and go right home once he sees their cars. Why have horses if you are too uncomfortable to go out and ride and enjoy them? He wants to get rid of them because of that. So we need to move. I want to comment too that since the barn owner thinks mares in general are such a hassle (or p-i-t-a), he won't have to deal with them anymore, but that gives way for him to argue that they aren't really a problem (even thought they clearly are to him) and that it's just my mare causing the problems. So, I guess when it comes down to it, we will figure out what to say and it will have to do.
It's supposed to be absolutely gorgeous the next few days. Even up to 83 on Thursday. Me thinks the girls will be getting their long overdue first bath of the season :))
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