No complaining this week, I PROMISE!! lol
Here are your fun Friday funnies:
Little Boy On A Bus
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked, ' Why do you wear your collar backwards?
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'
The Little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that’.
The priest looked up from his book and answered, 'I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two Grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said, 'I am the Father of Hundreds!’, and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a long while, then Leaned over and said,
'Maybe you should wear a condom….and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar
(keeping with the priest theme :)) this is courtesy of Miss Roxmysocks)
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas....
Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station......
The conversation went like this:
'Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?'
'And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?'
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, 'Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!'
There was dead silence on the line for a moment...............................
Father O'Malley then replied: 'Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.'
Here are some men funnies (courtesy of Miss Lisa at Laughing Orca Ranch) for your Mother's Day delight:
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like....
1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.
2 Men are like. Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
3.Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials.. You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like . Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ..Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10.Men are like Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps.. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
My One Day of Employment:
So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
a good find for many retirees,
I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,
Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied,
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,
I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
(Good thing I don't work at Walmart, things like this would DEFINITELY come out of my mouth quite often, lol!!)
And here's for everyone for Mothers Day!! Whether you are the mother of the two or four legged kind, this is for us all: