Fricus Fracus Friday Funnies

Ok, I was going to make this weeks quick since I'm outta here in about an hour (and I actually should be getting some work done, hehe) but I was having too much fun perusing through all my stored jokes. So you get more. I feel like I gypped you last week anyhow :)

This first one I swear I had posted, but reviewing my previous funnies, I didn't see it. So if it was in there somewhere, I apologize. I think I may have left it out at the beginning when I got it so that I wouldn't offend anyone. Now that I know THAT'S not going to happen, lol, here it is.

The CIA Has An Opening....
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... kill her!!

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes.

'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'

The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'

Then it was the woman's turn...

She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks,' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'

MORAL:
Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.

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Great things to put as your “I’m out of the office” automatic email response:

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the e-mails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over...)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ' Lucille' instead of Steve.

(and those of you who don't work in an office per say, you can still set your emails to do the same, lol)
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A mother’s teachings
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
'Because I said so, that's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
'Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all those green beans are gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.’

(doesn't every parent wish that upon their children?? lol Mine did and I think I got myselfx5 with my younger one!!)
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Here’s a funny article I had

Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, just north of the Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar . One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the crest of a hill.

The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then turned off.

Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.

Back at the CHIPs Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander The reply came back in true USMC style:

Thank you for your letter. We can now complete our file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.
Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment location.
Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.
The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech. Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar . It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on his holster.
Thank you for your concern.

Semper Fi. (Gotta love them Marines)
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Girls Night Out

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.

The next day, one woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, 'These damn girls' night out have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties.'

'You think that's bad' said the other husband,
'Mine is lying in bed with a card stuck in her ass that says:
'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.''

________________________________

On their way to get married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident and they find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he leaves. The couple sat down to wait for an answer.

A couple of months pass. While they wait for the decision, they begin to wonder if they SHOULD get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. 'What if it doesn't work?', they wonder, 'Are we stuck together FOREVER?' After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. 'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you CAN get married in Heaven.' 'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground. 'What's wrong?' asks the frightened couple. 'OH, COME ON!!' St. Peter shouts, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?

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Things just aren't like they used to be:

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered "Let's relive some old times."

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.

"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."
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That's all for now folks!! Enjoy your weekend, I know I will be!! lol

Break through!! On several levels

It’s finally happened. Understanding. I was high on cloud 9 and it was feeling pretty darn close to perfection. I rode last night and had my first official “lesson” with my trainer’s girlfriend, to be known here on out as my instructor. Can I just say, I was up until almost 11:00 last night replaying my lesson over and over in my head because I was so freaking excited! A lot of things clicked last night. Finally. I’ve gotten so much good advice online from so many helpful bloggers, but I realize now that I must only be able to comprehend stuff when someone is there “yelling” at me. There in the moment to tell me NOW, DO THIS, or whatever. Heck, apparently I didn’t even get it when my trainer was telling me what to do last year. I think part of that was because I was so focused on my crazy girl (because she was crazy and I was still nervous) instead of what I personally was trying to do.

I found out last night that I was basically doing everything opposite of what works. And when I changed everything, I actually did a CIRCLE!!! Not a hexagon or square or arc with jagged edges, but a true actual circle!! I was ecstatic. If I could have kissed the instructor, I would have. Reminds me of the Meat Loaf (I think) song……..(it’s all coming back to me now). lol I think the major difference was that I actually let myself sound (to me) “stupid.” What do I mean by that? Well, first off, when my trainer was giving me instruction while he was training my horse, I really think he was focused on training Sassie, which is fine, that’s what he was being paid to do, and wasn’t really conveying his thoughts clearly enough for me to understand. I don’t fault him, it was really me. If I asked more then like twice, I would just kind of give up if he didn’t correct me anymore. So I think it was more of lack of communication on his part and understanding on my part. In any case, I am HAPPY to say, that I think last nights lessons will have fixed many of our issues.

When we first started, she said ok, what do you want to work on? I told her whatever she saw that I was doing wrong. lol I’m not one of those people who thinks they ride perfect and don’t you dare tell me otherwise. Heck no!! I’m of the mind that if you see something that I may not be doing right, tell me. Then if it’s something I can fix that I really am doing wrong, then great. If it’s something that I was specifically told to do, then I’ll say thanks and go about my merry way. I WANT to know if my legs are too far forward. I WANT to know if my saddle is on my girls shoulders and should be further back. I want to know things like that because I definitely don’t know everything. And apparently even less than I had originally thought! She said that I sit very well and don’t change anything with that. She only said to sit back a little because when Sassie balks, I fall forward and then we are unbalanced. Which this I knew and I know I have to work on it. I’ve been trying to work on it for a year now because trainer harped on that. lol It’s hard for me to sit back, but sit straight tall. I tend to lean forward when I think I’m sitting up straight. I don’t know how to fix that, but I’ll keep trying. I have such bad posture to begin with.

First thing she tells me to do is tip my girls nose in. After the third time of her telling me to tip her nose in because her body follows her nose, I stop. I’m like ok, I give up. I think I’m tipping her nose in, but she’s still not doing what she’s supposed to be doing and you keep telling me to do it. What am I doing wrong? Well that turned out to be THE big question of the night because the answer fixed just about everything. I was doing completely opposite of what I should have been. I’m not going to go into details because I’m sure everyone else knows how to tip their horse’s nose in but me! But now I do. Sounds bad, doesn’t it? As soon as she explained HOW to do it and how doing it keeps her shoulder from falling in, everything made sense, even though I should have known because everyone on here AND my trainer had already told me the exact same thing. I just didn’t know how to tip her nose in!! What to do with my hands. We were off and running in a way we hadn’t been since the start of our training. Then we did circles. YAY!!!! (For the sake of space and not boring you all to death, I’m leaving out some stuff) We accomplished in one hour what I had been missing in a year. We worked on trying to keep Sassie from pushing her head forward and pulling on the bit, we worked on using my legs more, we worked on feel and counting. Feel and counting are my worst area. She was counting while Sassie was jogging and I could not feel anything that matched up to what she was counting. So we are going to definitely work more on that.

I told her how Sassie’s left side is weak, always has been. Even with my trainer, we always had trouble doing stuff on her left side. I told instructor that I had gotten advice on how to strengthen it so that when she lopes, we aren’t all out of wack because she can’t physically do what I’m asking. That led to the next best thing since sliced bread. After we were jogging around and instructor said yes, everyone telling you to work more on the left side will strengthen it, she said let’s lope! lol. I was like okie dokie. She wanted to see how Sas did to the right first, and of course as usual, everything went ok. She’s good on that side. So she said let’s go to the left now. By that time, Sassie was worked up because she knows we were going to be loping. Instructor said ok, slow her down, keep her at a trot and MAKE her listen to you because her head is already fast forwarding to loping. And it was. We were all over the place. Body was trying to go one way, head was going the other, she was balking, she was cutting in, and basically everything she could do to not lope. So instructor said keep jogging until she is calmed down and you are all set up. Support her shoulder. Now I know when we were practicing loping with the trainer, he would keep mentioning about keeping her shoulder up, support it and keep her head tipped in because it would set her up. I’ve heard many other bloggers talk about it too. My problem was that I didn’t know how to achieve that. I now do, at least have an idea. And when we went to lope to the left, Sassie gave what I always thought was a buck, but it isn’t. Instructor said no, that’s her pushing herself into the lope. She kind of hops into it. It was really good. I was like okayyyy, now I know.

So that is essentially it. Our major breakthrough. And I couldn’t be happier. Instructor was majorly impressed with Miss Sassie and how she handled all this new stuff. At one point instructor told me that my head was probably going to explode. I laughed and told her no, SASSIE’s head is going to explode!! Instructor saw most of Sassie’s training because she was at the barn working with another horse, and she said it’s good that I’ve been working with Sassie and we must have a good relationship because she thinks if it had been at the beginning when we were first training her, we would have been having major meltdowns and Sassie would have just shut down. But she was very willing last night to “try” to do anything that I was “trying” to ask of her. Which was a lot considering I didn’t even know ½ the time. My poor horse. I feel bad now. I’ve probably been torturing her for this whole past year!!

*** Oh, and Andrea (swampsuburbia), instructor trains with Art O’Brien (?) at Findlay. I don’t know if you know him, or Cindy Moorehead. She’s friends with her. You had asked who is down there and that’s who she trains with :) Who did you know?

***And P.S. – I figured out I can type all of this up and copy and past so that I’m only online for a few minutes at my lunch. Muuahahaha!! So I will perhaps be posting again more often, much to your chagrin :) I had to get this post out asap because how stinking excited I am, so I am working on a post about my goodies that I’ve received (my awesome handmade hat and my DIY bandages for the kiddies) So, be back soon!!!

This week's Friday Funnies

Here are Funny Fridays for today. (I appologize in advance for the shortness, I'm on a timer now :( Next week I will be a little more prepared to feed your reading pleasure - lol!)

These first pictures are for the ladies.

8 Reason Ladies Stay Single:














(this guy above seriously looks like one of my uncles!!)



Ok, don't lie, I KNOW you all enjoyed those, lol!!

Here are some funnies from the dark side hehehe. If you get offended by risque things, please, stop here!!















and last but not least....

EVERYTHING HAS A GENDER

You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.

Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the filled with hot air part.

Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.

A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male , didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

Enjoy this (temporarily) shortened version of Friday Funnies and I hope you all have a GREAT weekend!! (I will try to do some catching up!)

Easter Vacation

Ok, shhh, I'm getting on while the boss is still out, hehe. I just found out that my lovely husband will have to work over Easter. Not too bad, but it will be like 8 hours away!! Sooooo, I'm thinking since my older one doesn't have school, maybe we will take a little mini Easter vacation and go down and stay for a few days so that we can see him on Easter at least. We'll have to leave a note for the Easter bunny of course so that he knows where to find us (wink, wink). So we may be bound for Winchester Virginia. Any bloggers down around there?? I'll have LOTS of free time during the day, so even if it's a two hour drive or so, I'd be willing to drive because I'll have nothing else to do :)) Here's my favorite picture of when we went to North Carolina last year and we stopped at a rest stop:



They gave him a bumper sticker that says Virginia is for Lovers. lol!! My 4 year old. It was funny.

So, if you are down around there, or within a reasonable driving distance, let me know!! lol

Time limits

Man o day. Our boss decided last week that it was US TWO employees going online "all day long" that was causing our system to slow down. Never mind all the surfing he does and watching steaming videos and all THAT, it's all our fault. So now we are attempting to limit our internet usage to our whole 1/2 hour of lunch time :(( I MISS EVERYONE!!! I didn't realize how much I was actually getting online during work!! And I got to read a whole TWO BLOGS during my lunch. This sucks!!!! And I'm usually too busy at home or my hubby occupies the net the entire afternoon (looking up the same darn things every. single. day) and I can't get on. I might have to designate Wednesdays as MY day!! lol. How do you all do it?? How do you work and still find time to read your however many blogs? I have like 20? And I think that really isn't that many since not every single person blogs every single day. Hmmmm. Maybe I need to get in early (HA!) or stay late (double HA!).

In any case, I have so many things I want to post about, and I will. Eventually. I have my hat blog about my awesome handmade hat from Lisa at Laughing Orca Ranch that I got ages ago and had hubby take pictures of so I could post. Still haven't. Blog about my Ouchies I won from the Funky Monkey blog. I got some cute pics and a little video of my little one digging in because he conveniently got an owie the day after we got them, lol. Like I had ANY doubt that would happen. I finally got a little video of my girl when she rolls and then bucks and kicks off that I wanted to post. Of course she had to do it in the furthest corner of the arena, so she's far away and enshrouded in a cloud of dust. But I still got it!! lol.

Anyhow, hope everyone is doing good and is writing lots of interesting things for me to read and catch up on. lol

Sigh. Some day.

Friday Funnies

Another Friday funnies for another Friday the 13th!! I don't think I have any more morbid funnies like the first time though, lol. So here are this weeks Friday Funnies. I almost forgot about them until I got a joke this morning!! So in light of the upcoming St. Patrick's Day Holiday, and since I have an Irish hubby and two sweet blue eyed, red headed babies, I offer you the following.


Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
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Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
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Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not a'bout time ye let the Catholics across?"
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Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Um, where are ye callin' from?"
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An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
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Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."
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An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
________________________________

and last but not least....

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror."

Have a great weekend everyone. Drink some green beer next week and eat some corn beef and cabbage!!

Interesting give aways

Don't get too excited. I'M personally not giving anything away, yet, but here is a website that was emailed to me by Ron at the delightful English Toffee Anytime, who you all know I LOVE to pieces. The toffee, not Ron, although he seems pretty cool too :) lol Anyhow, if you go to Funky Monkey, this stay at home mom does giveaways like crazy because she's a tryer person. Just go and check it out. I actually won something on the third item that I commented on. They are Ouchies and they are design your own type bandages. I can't wait to get them because lord knows we use enough with my boys!! And they will have so much fun designing their own.

Anyhow, Susannah at Funky Monkey is giving away these awesome brushes with ladies images on them. I think there is one brush that identifies each lady who reads this blog. Everyone uses brushes right? So hop on over there and check them out and leave a few comments and see if one of us can't be one of the TWO lucky winners. And if you do win, let me know. That would be so cool!!

So here I am plugging for this wonderful blog. Go, go visit and see what you can win!!!

My darling kiddies

Ok, I was get on and write (and obviously still am, hehe) how it's not just a cliche that kids say the darnedest things, but cdncowgirl beat me to it!! I think that girl has a lifeline to my brain. I logged on today to write this post, and instead started reading through all the updated blogs to see what's up with everyone else around the world first. Imagine my surprise when cdn blogged almost something identical (topic wise) to what I was going to post. This has happened a few times. lol It's crazy!!

Ok, anywho, here's the latest. Does anyone know of anything to peek inside the heads of our young ones? Nope. If we would we'd definitely be doing it to horses too I'm sure! Upon hearing various things my little ones talk about, either to each other, to themselves, or during discussions about whatever, I often wonder just what it is that they are picturing in their head, what vision is crossing their imaginative brains. Here's definitely not the only, but the most recent occurrence that sparked that wish. I had the hard job of having to tell my 5 year old that one of his preschool classmates was in a bad accident, is in ICU and that her single, 8 mo. pregnant mommy and unborn brother (who was already named) are now in heaven :( Last Wednesday we kept hearing all day on the radio and new about how one of our major through ways was closed because of a single car fatal accident. I'm always sad when I hear that. Then Friday the preschool sent a letter home explaining it was the classmate of my younger one and her mom and how the mother was ALWAYS careful to wear a seat belt, but for some reason that day she did not have it on. No one knows really what happened. They think maybe she had turned around to tend to the little girl in the backseat for some reason. The person travelling behind her said she never hit the breaks before veering into the median and striking a tree hard. The preschool said that they would like the parents to talk to their children over the weekend and explain what happened. They were nice enough and gave a little dialog that might help with that difficult talk. The would be updating the children on the little girl's status as she recovers and didn't want to surprise the kids. I knew all day when they were saying the woman's name that it kind of sounded familiar. My kids always call their classmates by first and last names. I don't know why, they always have. And I think Tater has talked about the little girl before and maybe that's why. Unfortunately my boys are no strangers to death already in their short little lives. My 7 year old had no problem understanding. We had our horse Remington die, both of the boys grandmothers (hubby and my moms) passed before the boys were born and one of my aunts passed away last fall. One of my hubby's uncles is very ill and isn't expected to make it through this week. So they've been to their fair share of funerals and we've had many death talks. We always tell the boys whoever it is that passed is in (or going to) heaven to have lots of fun and play and visit with each other. (no discussions please, that's what we believe and it's ok if you don't) Ok, pretty simple. Well, as I'm telling my little one that his friends mommy and little brother are in heaven, just like Remington, he interrupts me and kind of whimpers and says he wants Remington back. Ugh. I hate sadness. I don't deal with funerals very well. I never have. Even if it's someone I wasn't close to, didn't know very well, or didn't really like, I feel sorry for the people that will be missing who they lost and I end up crying my eyes out. I teared up just driving by the tree she hit because that poor little girl. Anyhow, I told him that Remington is in a good place and he's up there running around having fun playing in the sun and eating green grass. My 7 year old is trying to help me out too, which was cute. Well THEN, 5 year old says, "I don't want them in outer space!!" I was speechless because I don't know what his outer space looks like. I don't know if he is picturing this horse floating around in the air in what we all see outer space as. I was like hmmmm. Ok, "honey, they aren't in outer space." He says "Yes they are, heaven is outer space." I said "No, heaven is in the clouds, outer space is further out." He said ok, asked how they get to heaven (god comes and holds their hand) and then calmed down. It was funny to me and I almost giggled picturing all of our loved ones just hanging out and floating in outer space. I know it's not technically funny, but I would so loved to have just for a second been able to glimpse inside his head and see what it was he was picturing.

Kids. What can I say? Sometimes you want to cry and laugh at the same time.

On Saturday my younger one, again (it's usually him that says the wackiest stuff), wanted to wear his little brown suede "cowboy" vest (that he wears 24/7). I was trying to give him a shirt and I told him that he can't just wear that, he HAS to wear some sort of shirt under it. He says to me "no, I just want to wear my vest!!" I was rolling. I texted my hubby who was out at the barn and said that we have a future Village (People) Person, T-man's going to take over as the cowboy!! LOL!!! Little guy saw nothing wrong with wearing his vest with nothing on underneath, even though it was only 30 degrees out. lol!!

Friday Funnies

Hope everyone has a great weekend. Here are some funnies to start it off for you. We'll say these are Naughty Friday Funnies, lol, so be warned! Enjoy!!
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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in the re already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice"
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My Dad's outside.."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy: "$750"
Man: "Sold."

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy: "$1,000"
The Dad says, "That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession."

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now."
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Letter from Mail Order Sex Shop:

DEAR MADAM:

THANK YOU FOR YOUR RECENT ORDER FROM OUR SEX TOYS SHOP.
YOU ASKED FOR THE LARGE RED VIBRATOR AS FEATURED ON OUR WALL DISPLAY.
PLEASE SELECT ANOTHER ITEM BECAUSE THAT IS OUR FIRE EXTINGUISHER.

(I got that one as a text mail to me, lol. Well, as a joke, not that I actually did that. A company didn't text me. You know? lol)
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The Simple Truths about Men and Woman













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And the final two are courtesy of the ever so lovely Mrs. Mom

ONCE A MARINE ALWAYS A MARINE

On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired Marine, and asked, Honey, do you remember this?"

He looked up from his newspaper and said; "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married"

She said, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?

He nodded and said "Yes dear, I said; Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those beautiful breasts and fu*k your brains out."

She giggled and said; "That's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"

He looked her up and down and said;

" Mission Accomplished"

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How Long for a Haircut?

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "about 2 hours."

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours."

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half."
The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."

A little while later Bill returned to the shop laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "Your house."
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So there you have it. Laugh out loud and enjoy your weekend!!

Darn it!!

Ok, that about sums it up. BrownEyed Cowgirls called me last night after they got to their hotel for the night. Unfortunately for our plans, THEIR plans had changed, so they will not be coming over this way. Her honey got a call about a lead down in Charleston, so they are now heading south. I was soooo disappointed :( But I hope something turns up for her sweetie, so it's ok!! It's not a bad thing at all. We chit chatted for about an hour, hour 1/2 on the phone and it was really cool! I hope she doesn't think I'm a dork. When I'm a little nervous I tend to talk really fast and like I'm out of breath, and giggle like I'm 10 years old, not 30. She was telling me so much stuff, I wish I had had a notepad to write it all down!! I learn so much from her.

So there it is, we will not meet this time, but maybe some other time. BEC, if you read this, my husband's already forming ideas of how to come visit YOU out west!! lol So beware!! I hope you had a wonderful trip and I know you were taking a ton of pictures, so I can't wait to see them all :)

COOL

Ok, how cool is this? I might get to MEET, IN PERSON with one of my fellow bloggers. You can't believe HOW excited I am. I'm going to refrain from acting kooky though so she doesn't run quickly the other way. BrownEyed Cowgirls will possibly be coming through an area near where I live. I posted that I'd love to meet up with her if she was coming through northern Ohio and as luck would have it, they are!!! I'm so excited. Did I say that already? Sorry, lol!!

I obviously will have to find out how long they will be stopping in for and where exactly. Whether it's just a quick stop, or stop and eat, or stop and see some things or maybe my horse :)) hehe.

It's really kind of funny because I have this email group that used to play an online trivia game that is now defunct. But I've been emailing these people for like 2 1/2, 3 years and two of them live in MI, one a mere hour away, and I've NEVER met up with any of them for some reason. NOW, someone I've "known" for just like maybe 7 months or so from 1/2 way across the country, and I might get to meet her. Too cool. I would say I'm speechless, but obviously by now you can tell that is simply untrue. Ok, I have to stop myself now before I embarass myself too much. lol!