Push over

I believe that I must be THE worlds biggest pushover. I have to be. Kids, husband, coworkers, bosses and now especially horses. Although I really don't like confrontation, unless I'm already worked up and ready for it, I've always thought that I could hold my own to some capacity. I may be exaggerating just a tad, but it seems lately that I cannot. Kids, all they have to do is cry and I melt. My mom was a woman of steel. Nothing made her give in. E.V.E.R. Me, a couple little tears and those big doe eyes and I'm all melty and they get whatever they want. Unless of course they are being total little monsters. Then it's kind of fun to be mean and say no and stand my ground. I will admit that hubby usually has to be the bad guy and dole out punishment. It was opposite when I was little, my mom was the ruler and my dad was just there. I can remember maybe once in my whole life where my dad did anything remotely punishing to me or my brother.

Talking about horses, mine is the master deceiver. She's a crafty little wench. All she has to do is start "feeling" off (or different than usual) and she has me worried. I still don't know everything there is to know about horses, and honestly this latest episode has shown me that I should probably be leasing a horse, or if owning one, own one that I don't ride. lol. That's not to say that I totally don't know what I'm doing riding, but, how shall I put this....I'm not aggressive enough in what I'm doing? I don't mean aggressive as in beating and whipping the poor things into submission. I'm not aggressive enough to know when my horse is pulling my leg by putting on a show and that it's really ok to MAKE her do what I want or when something is really wrong. I don't want my mare to be sore and I definitely don't want to be the cause of her being sore or more sore if she was sore to begin with. I had my trainer's girlfriend, who is giving my son lessons, look at my mare yesterday to see if her lameness was actually there or if it was just a figment of my imagination. Thankfully she was around when my mare was first being trained by her boyfriend to know my mares antics. You would think I would have picked up too, and I think I knew a little deep deep down that maybe she wasn't sore. Everything was just so gradual though and I think that's what buffaloed me. I was slowly losing more and more things, or really she was refusing to do more and more things. That being said, she may be a teeny tad bit sore, but not lame. Kind of like a person when they have a stomach ache, it doesn't mean the world stands still and you just can't go on with your business. I got a lesson though, that's for sure. The trainers girlfriend told me it looked like she was doing exactly what she was doing with the trainer when he first started with her. Well, I kind of don't feel bad then because there was a reason WHY I got a trainer. Because I don't have enough experience or confidence to handle temper tantrums. She yelled at me (ok, instructed, but it sounds better when you say yell) on what I wasn't doing and that helped tremendously. Miraculously mare was no longer "sore" acting.

Then there was loping. I had gotten off my mare to put her away after happily jogging along through the duration of my son's lesson. She asked if I had loped her lately. I ashamedly admitted that no, not really since about early September had I loped her. She was pulling her stop, balk and back routine which had started me on the is she or isn't she sore kick. She said get on and lope her. I was like uhhhhh, ok. She's never really been that great at loping inside, but she was maybe a little tired out from working more than she had in the past month or two, so I gave it a go. I started off on her bad side. Trainer always said some horses will always go one way better than the other. Her good way is to circle to the right. Bad way is to the left. I attempted the left first. I don't know if that was good or bad, but I think I proved that I am progressing in my riding style. I now know I can sit a few little bucks and head tosses. First little hop along I stopped her and looked at the girlfriend and said see, something HAS to be wrong. She said nope, looks like crazy mare is being a beyatch. I was like ?? She never tried bucking before. She told me to womp on her and get her moving forward when she started balking like she did because crazy girl will be more dangerous just standing than she will when she's in forward motion. I never really got her to start loping to the left, only some really fast jogging with maybe a step or two of lope, but when I turned her around to go to the right, she took off like a dream. I was calling her everything in the book. Girlfriend said yep, she's yanking your chain. I think the reason I was subconsciously letting her is because I severely lack the confidence in myself. I don't know how far I can be pushed and still handle it. With trainer and even girlfriend there, I think I can do anything. Without someone yelling at me, I'm a little wuss and any little balk intimidates me and my devious little delinquent knows it. I hate it too though how when I was attempting (probably feeble attempts at that) to womp on her when we were still outside, it didn't work, but the minute trainer and/or girlfriend instill some new found courage, it works. I wonder if it will still work when we go back out again tomorrow. I hope so. Trainers girlfriend did say at least that she could be slightly out and a chiro probably wouldn't hurt. Now if only I can get that dude to actually come out.

Have a nice night. I'm off to confess all my worldly sins tonight. hehehe. My son is doing his first confession or penance or reconciliation, which ever term was used at different points in time. One of the requirements is that parents have to do it too. My first sin to confess will obviously be that I have not been to confession in over 15 years. lol!! Probably closer to 20. You're supposed to go more regularly, cough cough. My lucky bum husband gets to just ask for a blessing since he's not the same religion. So, can I fake food poisoning??? lol I'm so bad.

Anyhow, good day all.