Friday, February 6, 2009

Friday, FRIDAY, Friday Funnies!!

Enjoy!!










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Don't step on the ducks!!
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the
place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try
their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!'
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Rectum Deodorant
(you know it had to start with a blond)

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."

"But, I always buy it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.

"YES," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container........

"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM
_________________________
How to Shower

*How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hampers according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups, leg lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes or until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


*How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Fart once or twice and giggle.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.
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And last, but certainly not least, Mrs. Mom made a post that gave me hysterial mental images, and I'm sure it will you too. So click here and get ready to laugh your socks off!!

Have a great Friday! And, "woo woo"!!!

10 comments:

Mrs Mom said...

LMAO Ezra! You KEEEL me!!! You had me laughing so hard I wound up coughing...LOL.. (Coughing is good- it gets rid of stuff right? LOL)

I dont know where you find these, but I really am glad that you do AND share them with the rest of us!!

ezra_pandora said...

lol! My pleasure :) I actually have so many I have like 3 weeks of posts sitting ready to go. I have trouble not putting too many in because I know people don't want to sit and read one blog for 20 minutes! lol So I had to cut and rearrange so it wasn't so long.

See, a post that's two fold, give you some joy, clean you out. lol!

bernthis said...

I love these. Especially the one about the ducks. Thanks for a great funny start to my weekend.

Melissa-ParadigmFarms said...

OMG those were priceless - the duck story was especially good!!

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

HAHAHAHA!!!! Totally made me snort!

Thanks!
Lisa

BrownEyed Cowgirls said...

love, love, LOVE your Friday funnies...WoooWoooo!!1

Rising Rainbow said...

I have seen the duck story before but it still made me laugh. The others..........Too funny for words!

Roxmysox said...

Laughter is good for the soul - keep it up we all need to laugh.

ezra_pandora said...

Rox: I know, and at this point with the economy and all, everyone needs to laugh MORE, which is why I post friday funnies :))

bernthis: thanks for stoppin by :)

Glad everyone is laughing, stop back by next friday for some more :)

kdwhorses said...

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Girl you crack me up!! Great ones!!

 

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